shavednydude

Hey Scott, also in Dayton here, and mainly a bottom. I hope you're able to find a guy who can fulfill what you're craving. I'm wanting the same as you. Good Luck

What I want...sorry, scratch that... What I NEED is an educated Top. A Top who has gotten to know me well...online..over time. I have divulged my deepest wants, needs & hurts to you. I trust you, but without knowing it.. I AM your prey now. You know me more than you have wanted, and it's perfect for your to take me. You know the pain in my life, what I have struggled through..and still struggle with. My fantasies of being owned, tatt'd, pierced, and becoming yours- body, mind..and soul. What I need is a Top who is willing to get rid of the person I am now, and re-make me into what I would LIKE to be..what YOU would like me to be. Blindfold me, lock me into your sling, mind fuck me for months on end- re-make into a totally NEW man, not some quick fuck, but to actually BECOME yours now. I will remember nothing in my life now, everything is new..beginning with you. I NEED...no...CRAVE your presence within my body, growing in me. Let me feel your infected cock in me. Look into my eyes and use me to see my mind breaking down as you whisper into my ear that I am yours. Let your deep mind fuck completely take me over. My will fading into a dimmer light.. to be a better man than I was. To be re-made into something better. Possess me totally- fuck my mind & body, use me and make me into a chem whore you know I need (and craved) to be. Let your viral load flow within my veins, taking over my body and permanately attaching itself to my insides. Look into my eyes, and know I AM yours now. When I get your viral flu, be with me when and know I still need your toxic load DEEP within my body to complete me. I love you, and need you to live within me. You know I need this, and crave this..and you WANT to be the one to convert, and re-make me Use me totally, and let me forget all that I was before..it doesn't exist. It doesn't need to. I want to belong to you now, I give myself to you and crave you inside me. Shave me down, tat & pierce my body- however you like..it's all yours to possess now. Look me in the eyes and promise to fuck me raw- I crave & need that..and you KNOW it. It's the only way I can feel how I NEED to now. Let me EARN that bio tat, let me become yours. Just yours. Own me...you know me TOO well, and also know I need this to be. Please, you be the one!

Guy in Dayton, OH area seeking to meet with top who wants a romantic (yeah, I know- out of the ordinary) time breeding a neg bottom. I'm 5'9" about 170, and 47 yrs old. All I want is to feel wanted by a another man.

Thanks for the fantastic message! I know I want to have that 'special man' in my life. I also know (from past experience, and from hearing from other gay men) that notion usually doesn't last a long time. Eventually 1 or both want to play with others. Sometimes it can be REALLY fun when both guys in the relationship bring someone else in to play, but when one of them tells the other they need something more it can be like the floor dropped out from under you. I've been struggling with the idea of 'just going natural' for a while now. Feeling that way around your friends must really suck- not being able to be AS open with them as you'd like to, and just 'glossing' over the subject. I know HIV isn't the death sentence it used to be, but I also know there's a cost with it- the cost of meds (and IF your insurance will cover them), possibly getting worse if you don't take meds, having your life 'monitored' (weight, diet, etc), and possibly getting rejected by potential parters. I've met some really nice guys who were positive- attractive, but also INside they were nice guys. One told me in a tone where he thought I'd turn him down that 'I have to tell you......I'm positive.' I just kept looking into his eyes. 'I guess that means things are off now', he said. I just said 'why? It IS something we can work around, you know?' He was SO relieved, but if OUR group, the gay community, KNOWS this (about people being 'set aside' because they're positive), whay are they DOING it to others? The older I get, the less patient I get with all the hypocracy I see and hear around me. My friend also has told me he assumes if a bottom wants him to fuck them he assumes they're positive. When I asked him why, he said because if they weren't they would ask his status, or insist on a condom. I can see both sides of that. You know, I love the fact that you want to get a bio tat, and the reason you do. Also remember, it IS an advertisement, so some guys might keep away once they see it. Others could be attracted to it because they know what it stands for. Thanks for the idea on a support group, and I wouldn't be in one that was soley a tuna fest of sorts. Of course finding one with men who can be open about things, AND supportive of others can be hard to find.

I will tell you that my friend (who's positive) tells me the same things. After he became positive he started living his life. He travels all over, and just DOES what he wants to now. He's been poz for well over 10 years (on meds also), and loves sex, living and life. Could I be like that? No...him & I are different, but he knows that's something about him I love & admire. I'm too much the 'responsible guy', wallflower..whatever you want to call it (I descibe myself as a mainspring wound TOO tight). You know something...I get REALLY tired of being that way. To just LET G O- fuck everything, and just go with a feeling for ONCE. I WANT to be free- fuck everything!! You know the kind of guys I mean- they just DO. Ok, maybe some don't think at ALL, but I admire those men who LIVE. A lot of times I feel like I'm bound by some moral something or other. I know becoming poz changes a man for life- the meds, diet, everything is monitored..then there's the wonderful costs along with it. Could I handle that? You know..probably not, but I also don't want to be some guy in Denny's 3-4 years from now (I'm 47 now) sitting there alone, seeing young guys going by and admiring them for their confidence...and regretting MY life.

I totally understand. Drugs & alcohol makes sex 'different', but you need to made a hard decision when it comes to whether to play with positive men or not. I was wondering, do you have a prtner or bf, and are the positive also?

Thanks, that's really a good idea!!

You're right- about being scare of taking leaps, and wanting to take the smaller steps. Thank you for telling me about your first time. How did you get comfortable with it afterwards...what made it easier for you?

Thanks for the idea! I have thought about a support group, and have looked into them. The trouble is the nearest ones are about 2 hours from me, which wouldn't be SO bad, but since they meet once a week for an hour or so- a 4 hr drive IS a haul. I've also been looking to relocate to a totally different area, but there haven't been too many prospects out there.

thanks!!

My friend loves sex parties, so I know that about him, and hearing about his times ARE exciting. Afterwards I envy him- for living for the now, and not holding back. That's what makes him so special to me- he understands how I feel, is there to listen, and doesn't pressure me. A good thing, but also I'm left with my stupid conscience mulling shit over & over. What close friends I do have are ones I've talked with online. When I moved here I tried making friends, but they never turned out to be who they claimed, so I have none 'in person', just online. If I converted, it would me just me to deal with it. As for my kids..well, I never hear from them, so it's just me.

Thank you for that, and for being so honest with me! Honestly, I don't know how I would be if I got 'IT', and it's something that he's thought about also. See. the difference between him & I is he's in a open relationship with a poz guy. He also loves sex- going to sex parties, etc..so he's doing what I only fantasize about, or wish I COULD be. I know I'm mainly a bottom, and if I did convert I don't have any friends locally (though I've tried..over & over again, to make some) who could be there for me, so I'd be on my own- like I have been for years now....and hate it really. Why do I want to be positive? Really...I don't know. It seems the more I hear about it the more I get the feeling it's mainly guys who throw caution to the wind, or others who want to pass it on- I don't think I'm either of those. To be held, kissed, melting into a man's arms & body, looking him in the eyes and losing myself, then giving all of me to him....it's a wish, I guess.

Thank you Brother!! The trouble is I've been conflicted about this for a long time- wanting SO much to feel him cum inside me, and just letting go. Then wondering how I would deal with it IF I converted. He is a wonderful friend, and has also told me he feels the same way about being the one to convert me. I don't know how you guys do it...just letting go, letting what's inside you out, and just being you. I know some might think this wishy washy, but I don't want to die regretting not having done what I COULD have felt & experienced. Could this kill me? Really, I don't know- that's what scares me. Also, I know when I look into his eyes I DO love him- more than a friend, and I've told him that. He loves me also, but we agreed the one thing that we can't give each other is our hearts. Honestly, being through 2 breakups of people I've deeply loved over the years... sometimes I don't know if love actually exists anymore. Mind you, this isn't something that's been pressured onto me- it's all ME...the wondering, worry, etc. Thank you for being so honest with me, it means SO much to me!!

Reading all the adventures on the site, I guess many of you might think of me as...well...pathetic?, but inside I'm just a guy..wanting to me be loved. See, I grew up sheltered...smothered, as some can call it- and, at times I have to agree with you. I grew up with my Mom & Dad, and my Mom was kind of my friend. My Dad...he was there, but I didn't really know him that well. What friends I had were ok. I had some TRUE friends, since I was that fat kid in High School that people ignored, so I compromised with humor. I've compromised ever since, I think. I'm 47 now, and never went out to clubs, partied or have done what others on here have- though I envy all of you for sharing things with us, and wish I had now. Fast forward a little..I got married..divorced (I know, sounds familiar to some)..have 3 kids. After coming out late, getting divorced, and 2 failed partnerships later..here I am. In my heart I know all I want is to be loved, like ANY man does, but I don't think that's to be. Well, I found this site, out of fantasies of men just have the most natural sex together there could be. The bonding, FEELING another man wanting you and giving ALL of youself to him. Through it all I found friends- the best have been online, which I have been in sontact with for years now. My kids? Well, I moved from where they live to another state (for my 2nd ex...that didn't work out), and it seems they don't have the time to even contact 'ole Dad' anymore. One of the friends I've have for a long time I've only met a couple of times. He's been SO wonderful to me- being there for me through the breakups, the REALLY low times, and everything in between. Why am I writing this on here? Because he's positive....his partner is also, though they live apart and have an open relaitionship. Him & I have played together before, but he's never cum inside me. Then there's the fantasies... Reading all the adventures of men becoming poz on here has been SUCH a turn on for me, and now I'm going to see him soon- my vacation. The one thing I must tell you about him is through ALL the years we've talked, we've shared everything- every fantasy, experience, problem together. This is most important, though...him & I have never judged each other. Really...NEVER. He is a special person in my life, and will always be so. When I see him again I'm thinking of giving myself totally to him. Part of me wants SO much to feel him shoot SO deep inside me, and just let it become part of me. I know the risks..and FUCK! I wish I came out SOOO many years ago! I envy you guys who let yourself go- party it up and just fuck. Maybe some could call me old (I wish you wouldn't), or some 'pussy', but I DO worry about converting (even though he's on meds, and has been for years..with a really low viral load). I know beoming poz would mean SOME freedom, but I'm mainly a bottom (sometimes I top), and I don't know if I could knowingly do that to another guy. Is it a fantasy of mine? YES..fuck YES it is. Do I want him to breed me, just take my hole? YES!! Am I sick for thinking this, and fantasing about it so much? I'm conflicted, and he knows that. I admire how each of you who have posted your experiences can just let yourselves go and feel free- no guilt, just to FEEL how things are at the moment, and go with it. Anyway...that's me. I would like to get your input and feedback guys. Thank you...

Thank ALL of you for your replies- they mean a lot to me. I know what you're saying, about this being somewhat a fantasy site, and once I decide to take that step there IS no turning back. After all, some fantasies are better left AS fantasies. Those who HAVE taken that step no doubt tell more about the 'freedom' they have now, than the bad sides of becoming poz. Thank you all once again!