1happyhomo

I posted this other places, but seems appropriate here. I went off PrEP earlier this year. Waited a number of weeks and resumed bb sex. First guy I had sex with post prep knocked me up. No regrets here, but just wanted you to know, it is nothing to play around with unless you are prepared to live with the consequences.

I too went of prep earlier this year. Waited 16 days or so before my first encounter after PrEP. That one was all it took and I tested POZ a short time later.

With the push of one small, green lighted button, I engaged the mechanical activities required to reduce my lover's remains to heat and ash. Our brief marriage ended Monday afternoon as his highly compromised immune system surrendered in it's last battle against a virus. I can only trust that you are able to imagine the emotions raging in my own body and mind as I watch him transition from a physical presence to a spiritual force. He left us as he wanted, a proud gay man unafraid of AIDS and the ultimate toll that infection meant. The sudden end to our short union has hit me like nothing else. The reality of the virus that consumed his body and that is wildly replicating in my own alternates between serious oppression and amazing joy. Later today, a small group of our friends will celebrate his life, his spirit and his authenticity. Tomorrow and the days after, I will try to figure out how to live the days of my life in a way that honor all that he stood for. Fiercely queer, proudly POZ and full of humanity, he blazed a path that is quite clear, but difficult to emulate. I committed to him in life and I will be committed to following his path in his physical absence. To all of the other good men who have welcomed HIV into their system, I speak to you. This is not written fully for sadness, though I am sad. It is not written to incite fear, though I have my own fears. It is not written simply to memorialize a magnificent man, though I want others to know him as I did. Rather, I write this, on this site, at this time as a full unfolding of the story that we are all living. Our homosexuality, our relationship with the virus, our own mortality can be summed up in the passing of this man. If you have embraced the virus then embrace your life. Rejoice in how you share your days with this beautiful, intense yet deadly organism. And, as it surely will, when your end of days arrives accept the conclusion you were ordained when the virus first entered your body, mind and soul.

My dear AIDSBONE hubby has spent the last two nights in ICU due to a major lung infection. Watching him labor to breathe during those limited moments we can be together is difficult. Doctor says it will be touch and go for a few days until it is determined if an antibiotic will be effective. Seeing this side of the virus, as a newly infected man, is so very powerful. It breaks my heart to think I could lose this wonderful man. It is giving me a glimpse of what could be my own future as the virus replicates within me. But most of all, it reminds me of why I welcomed the virus into my own body. Being connected with generations of men like my husband, for having the shared experience of HIV/AIDS, for becoming the man I knew I needed to be---all of those are so much more in focus. As he fights for his life--fights against the effects of his virus, I am all that much more thankful I have my own strain and I am united with him in this infection. Not what I expected to feel after getting POZZED, but a level of emotion and feeling that is amazing. Chasers and wanna-be guys, this is the reality of our disease. For all of the heated sexual promise of becoming infected, there is the truth of health issues--very serious health issues. It is quite different, but there is a very soft, gentle erotic sensuality of aspect of our shared status. I find myself wishing I could be beside him, one bed over feeling what he feels, knowing what he knows, fighting but knowing I may have to surrender.

First, if it was Saturday 6/3---you could still be in the window for PEP (72 hours) if you are so concerned, go to an ER, call your doc or do something that puts you into contact with a source of PEP. If there was an exposure, it has pretty good odds of preventing full on infection if you follow the correct use. You have no idea if he was infected---for certain. Any testing is just a marker at that point it time---the next day, week or month means nothing if there were other exposures that the most recent test was unable to recognize as an infection. The fact that he test regularly is a good indication he is somewhat legit. A high number of new infections come from partners who do not test or our otherwise unsure of their status. No doubt you had risky sex. Anal receptive partners in M on M sex have a one in 70 chance of being infected. Still the reality of that risk is different when you get to a single specific dick and and a single specific ass. Luck, genetics, roughness of sex, lenght of sex, size of his cock, cleanliness, amount of lube-----the list of individual variables is huge...so your only answer can come from testing. It only takes ONE exposure, I know that for a damned fact. The very first cock I rode post taking PrEP knocked my ass up. One last thing....using the word clean to describe someones HIV (or other STD status) is inappropriate. I am quite clean, I was frequently----I just happen to be POZ too.

AIDSBONE Hubby and I are proud to live in the QUEEN city.

A beautiful, wasting AIDBONE man said "I DO" to me and the world during our wedding last night. I cannot think of a compliment that I will cherish any more than that wonderful soul pledging the short remainder of his life to me.

Kind of three phases to my fuck life.....and very different "exposures" 35 years of barebacking and nothing 2 years of PrEP and gono twice and syph once 6 weeks of no PrEP and HIV+, Gono

perhaps it is my own evolution as a bottom fag/transvestite, but my own desire and need to orgasm has reduced over the years. Kind of funny in some ways. I am getting more cock than ever and LOVE getting fucked. But, I just do not need to blast my own cum very often. perhaps more specifically, when I am in full fem mode (most of the time I am not at work) I have ZERO desire to cum and just never do. Once in a while when not dressed or when in a group setting (and not dressed) I will jack one off or let a guy suck one off, but that is somewhat rare. since if confirmed that i was knocked up a few weeks ago, I have pumped out a couple....mostly out of being curious about seeing if being POZ was making me any more prone to sharing my cum----and really cannot say that aspect has changed along with my status. Still love taking cock...and getting more POZ on POZ fucking than I ever imagined.....but just no desire/need to shoot my own toxic jizz.

I will not claim an increased sex drive. I have always pursued a very (VERY!!!) active sex life and have had many partners. Several years of PrEP did nothing but help me increase the frequency and variety of fucking. I just got knocked up last month (intentional, but a bit of a surprise---first post-PreP cock did the job). Since then I have had LOTS of sex....some really really great POZ on POZ fucking for the most part. But the sex drive is about the same....just the opportunity to enjoy and celebrate my changed status has opened out the door to even more cock than in my PrEP or pre-PrEP life.

Yeah, for those of us who were so used to the "gay lifestyle" pre-aids, the desire to continue no matter what was strong. In the mid west, it really was less of an issue for a few years (only those NYC or SanFran queers were dying right???). No doubt, I became more careful and some of the really wild shit slowed down as the limited venues available in those more closeted and conflicted days closed. But, fuck on we did. Kind of weird in some ways that some of us ended up as chasers....and like me got knocked up on purpose despite living through those years. I am sure that others, like me, lost friends and maybe had a few scares...it was a difficult time. But, our desire to continue enjoying a very satisfying and authentic queer life was just as compelling as the virus was terrifying in those days.

like anyone with HIV and not on meds, he is continually progressing towards being considered to have AIDS. However, he is numbers are not at a level that meet that diagnosis at this time.