BerlinGuy

Me says the ladies do protest too much

Poetry

Cool story bro

I was actually raped for real when I was 20 by a brawny air force cadet in full uniform and a very rough demeanor, kind of young convict look - swarthy and masculine but more mean than sexy looking, not a good look in my book An older friend / boss picked him up as a hustler off the street while we were leaving work. The rape happened at my boss/frIend’s apt, while the host had to be in a room isolated to take an urgent phone call for business leaving me behind in the living room alone with the hustler The thug asked to have a shower, and to bring him some fresh towels. I did so, and before I knew it I was in a head lock, pushed against the wall, penetrated without spit or any other niceties. I didn’t have time or the presence of mind to understand what was exactly happening because I was choking in his super strong arm directly pressing on my carotid and literally strangling me. All I could think of was “I can’t breathe” while my mouth was gagged by his other hand. I felt a sharp pain in my anus, nothing like sex, as if somebody rammed me with a bottle or something. He came in me, bareback of course, with a grunt and lasting barely one minute. Obviously he just used me as the naive twink that I was. I didn’t know what hit me. My friend kicked the thug out after I told him about what had just happened I had been introduced to my future rapist as my older friend’s personal assistant, which I happened to be at the time, since my friend was a successful business man and I was somehow his protegee (it was a purely non sexual arrangement and to my friend’s credit he never harrassed me sexually, being a perfect gentleman and also admirably out as a gay man in a country were such honesty can cost you even your life) This all happened in 1991. The Aids holocaust was raging, and I was living in a god-forsaken shit hole in the Middle East. Being gay there guaranteed social and professional ruin. To get tested for Hiv you had to know people as back then tests weren’t widely accessible, much less to a penniless 20yo intern who had been kicked out of home at age 17 by the violent cunt of a father I unfortunately had (he will never be dead enough for me) Somehow, after a few weeks of wallowing in despair, l managed to muster the courage and got tested at the public hospital for std “special cases” (prostitutes, queers and junkies). The contempt of the doctors when I explained my predicament still singes my soul with excruciating shame Yet, the indignity of being looked down by the hospital staff turned out to be a light jest in comparison to the agony of waiting for something like six months for the results to come back from the Pasteur Institute in Paris During this excruciating wait I collapsed silently, unable to speak to anyone about the fear eating me alive, and thus swallowing a nervous breakdown in one gulp I spent all my free time rehearshing my suicide, compulsively counting the steps I would have to take from my bed till the ledge of my sixth floor bedroom window from which I had decided to jump had the results been Hiv+ (miraculously, I turned out to be neg) A few months before me being raped, I spoke for the last time to another good friend, this time one from childhood. Growing up together as classmates and besties, he was the first person that I ever knew was gay besides me. With him I shared, as a platonic best friend but often partners in naughty teen fooling around, our difficult path to becoming adult gay men. That last time I spoke to him was onthe phone, when he told me that he refused to see me “for a last time” before he died of Aids at age 19. He had been very ill for almost a tear, wasting away irreversibly His last words to me were “even if you visit I cannot see you, I’ve gone blind and will soon will go deaf too, so let’s just say goodbye now over the phone while at least I can still hear you” A rape in the forest of farewells

It gets worse. I basically can’t get anyone to even reply when I want to bottom simply cuz I’m not a 23yo jock, full stop. Is it me? Don’t think so, cuz when I’m online as a top I get many offers, including from guys much younger and better looking than me. Problem is I top only cuz if I didn’t I’m pretty sure I would never have sex again. Being gay has ruined my life, and I’m being dead serious. I was never very good at this gay but after 50 it’s so grim I don’t know how to handle it

I’m 51, not bad looking for my age. Used to be very handsome, still get a lot if msgs by guys attracted to me looks-wise, only to ghost me when I say I’m btm. I am masculine, proportional weight and height: short story I would fuck me, but that’s the point- seems nobody else will No, I am not picky. I message any seemingly compatible man over 30, and guys older than me regularly. I purposely avoid men who are way above my league not wanting to set myself up for failure I am always polite and respectful, never needy or pushy, available and willing to listen to any top and his requirements/mood Obviously I’m doing something very wrong - or is it just absurd that I would expect anyone to want to fuck me way past my gay sell by date? Any ideas? Suggestions? Even commiserations and condolences are welcome, because I am kinda losing the plot and hustlers are way too pricey thanks for reading, and if I breach any community standards I apologize, it wasn’t my intention and feel free to delete this post

While big cocks are indeed spectacular and instantly desirable, because they are tangible evidence of superior masculinity manifested in the most primal and direct way, there’s quite a lot to be said for small cocks To begin with, huge dicks are a chore to suck. Yeah, some pornstars, spun out of their heads look like they love vomiting while they choke on elephant trunks but let’s just say that such exceptional talents are not common for citizen cock worshipper- above average with extra thickness and a nuce shape always wins - satisfying yet also realistic because a hook up need not meet porn studio casting criteria to be worrh it (size queens will lynch me, instructed to destroy me by XXL tops, together with which they enforce their oppressive phallocentric regime on all defenceless normies and their forgettably average cocks) The owners of a small cock have seriously studied all other elements of intercourse: they are more focused, kinkier and better at any sex act that doesn’t involve a cock, from dirty talk to kissing to fisting to messing up your cock with cbt etc Also, I have always found small-cock owners to be very well versed in Dom attitudes and techniques, being self-possesed and in control always, since faced with a cock-crazed bottom they have something to prove Sonething big: their own masculinity must be asserted or else no sex This insecurity about their diminutive size is ultimately metabolized and re-imagined as a challenge, which gives them motivation, resourcefulness and discipline that no huge tool owner needs As for bottoms, the smaller their cock, the better, making even average penis look massive in comparison to the silly little btm dangling useless underneath