Why do men bareback? A healthy discussion and debate.

[boywonder]

Wonder if any of you have read this: http://www.thebody.com/content/art2452.html

I'd like to discuss and debate the arguments presented. It's a great read.

[slowfuck]

No, but I will read the lengthy report over the next day or so. Looks very sensible and non-judgemental.

[pozpowerbtm]

Thanks for posting, it's definitely an interesting read. I feel I can relate to some of the reasons put forward. I became HIV+ about 8 years ago, at the time I was devastated as I wasn't seeking out bareback sex, I kind of just got carried away. I guess we all do it for different reasons but now I never use condoms I think my main reason is that it feels better and I guess I believe it to be risk free as I am poz (but I know it's not). It's interesting to see another perspective on it.

[glory_dog]

Why? Because it feels better, duh.

[boywonder]

Why? Because it feels better, duh.

That was so thought-provoking.

[boywonder]

Thanks for posting, it's definitely an interesting read. I feel I can relate to some of the reasons put forward. I became HIV+ about 8 years ago, at the time I was devastated as I wasn't seeking out bareback sex, I kind of just got carried away. I guess we all do it for different reasons but now I never use condoms I think my main reason is that it feels better and I guess I believe it to be risk free as I am poz (but I know it's not). It's interesting to see another perspective on it.

I definitely thought it was interesting as well. Very intellectually stimulating, and insightful.

[slowfuck]

I found this very fascinating. I can certainly see myself described in there, and it is refreshing to see my reasoning acknowledged rather than demonised. I also see many of the different people we all encounter here too. Of course as he acknowledges even psychologists have to wrestle with their natural desire to intervene and judge, and he successfully avoids that.

Everyone here is different so different parts will resonate but understanding potential motivations for others is a particularly valuable thing that helps increase ones own confidence and increases our sense of community.

There is a lot in the article, both background and his interpretation and experience. I will pick out some parts that particularly resonated with me.

On risk taking, I agree when he says it can be a desire to "connect sexually and socially with other gay men and feel uninhibited and free" as those who have read some of my other posts will recall.

On rationality he says "for certain individuals, under certain circumstances, risky sexual behaviour may indeed be rational, in the sense that the perceived physical, emotional, and psychological benefits of sex outweigh the threat of acquiring HIV". That's certainly how I see it.

On sensation(-seeking), yes it feels much better skin-on-skin but also I identified with the part that "men who know and accept the risks and are willing to factor them into the equation as one important cost to an otherwise important, pleasurable and valued behavior pattern". I suspect most will be working on their own cost/benefit equations. To each his own, each equally valid to the individual even if massed society doesn't agree.

In the section examining semen exchange (my word play), describing semen as "a gift [of love] and symbolic joining of two souls" was poetic yet rang true as a deeply erotic and connecting event we chase whatever it is we are seeking.

Fascinating, and I think true, that he says: all the media attention has normalised the barebacking term and led to community discussion leading to the perception that it is widespread and therefore encouraging pressure to conform. Never ban anything. It makes it more attractive.

The description of the underlying question we have to grapple with as being "what risk-taking we consider acceptable, healthy and even laudable, and what risk-taking do we consider unhealthy and unacceptable" is an interesting one. I assume he was referring to the psychology and healthcare profession, but it's possibly a good question for ourselves. When anyone says "what we consider acceptable" it always frightens me as in who are the "we" who are imposing views on "them" [us]. It depends on viewpoint and vested interest as ever and will always be so I guess.

As to the meanings of barebacking section - I am sure we can all find an element of our own reasons there but I was interested in the idea of it being seen as "a repudiation of the felt prohibition by the greater society". There's an element of that with me I think.

I have often thought that some behaviours are anchored in the internalised homophobia we absorb as youngsters but was fascinated if not a little alarmed by the Crossley quote in the paper regarding the power of barebacking as a transgressive act - "It is exhilarating, it is the forbidden thing, it is like a drug, it is what you are not supposed to do, it is getting away with murder".

In the 'risk-taking and the unconscious' section, I liked the ending quote "... we may lose perspective on how decisions of risk-taking are made. Risk of HIV infection is serious. But the risk of loss of pleasure and intimacy is also serious". Another resonance with me there.

The conclusion paragraph is promising. Michael Shernoff's call to separate the known facts from the moral judgements is refreshing as is him using quotes around the term "right" - since right is itself subjective opinion.

It is worth a good read if you have the time and interest. If only everyone shared that level of understanding and good sense.

Thank you for sharing it.

[Inception]

I thought it was a good read, very inciteful. I think I am a person who takes tries to take into account risks to myself and others, and so I don't bb everytime.

[cmmolthr]

I bareback because condoms not only are a complete turn off, but they sting and burn my manhole as well.......Want to ruin potentially great porn? Just make the actors wear condoms....the Raging Stallion flick "To The Last Man" is a perfect example

Edited February 1, 2012 by cmmolthr

[NiceHard1]

Boy wonder - I have the book - its really interesting and I think he's right on about it. If you'd like to read it at the same time, maybe we could have a book discussion - or if anyone else wants to as well.

[hungbbdude]

I definitely think I will hunt down the book. I think gay men and the way we approach life, our trials and tribulations are so misunderstood. It's nice to see someone study a facet of many gay men's lives from a neutral non-judgement standpoint.

[boywonder]

Boy wonder - I have the book - its really interesting and I think he's right on about it. If you'd like to read it at the same time, maybe we could have a book discussion - or if anyone else wants to as well.

I would love to read the book. It seems very thought-provoking.

[natebait84]

Great article it's a lot to take in and think about

[HardhatBB]

hate rubbers...makes it hard to get inside a guy, too thick here..rubber makes it painful for em. and lack of sensation, and not bieng able to plant a load where it belongs. And when i tried to play safe..btms id rip it off my cock...LOL...so i gave in

[noexitfastlane]

We we are born into this world all alone! Oops I forgot about mom! Not really just trying to amplify my point. We emerge from inside the body of another human being, that incubating is togetherness to the nth degree. I think some of us who are secretly mommy's boys because we cant stand oneness or being isolated and the fact that I take a raw cock in me is like the only way I truly can bond with that person and erase my loneliness even if it is for a short time. This maybe amplified by people like me who fall in love easy with other people and use raw ultimate sex as a bond. So in retrospect we may be recreating our birth bonds and maybe stretch it a little more so the raw dick is the reenactment is of dad cumming into our bond. Oh yeah it feels great physically too when you are sensitive inside like me and feel every spasm of cum blast inside!