Those who have HIV how do you really feel? there is a disconect....

[Loveitraw]

Diagnosed a little over a year ago. Went on meds because it was the best option for me at the time.  So I guess for me its all still pretty fresh.

Was I careful? Not even a little.  Was I chasing? Not really; but before I found out I was poz I had discovered this site and a few Tumblr ones that went into the fetishising of HIV and was starting to find the idea more and more of a turn on.  So its likely that my outcome was inevitable.

I wasn’t shocked put it that way.

Do I regret it.  Yes and no.  Like all things that change your life there are two sides.  How you deal always depends on you as a person.  I’m lucky in as much as in the UK, at least so far, meds are taken care of.  The support offered to me has been second to none and my own pragmatism has meant that its just a fact about myself that I have assimilated.  
How or if you share is tricky. Stigma is real and people will be different once they know.  Decades of negative press and attaching the notions of “dirty” have made people unconsciously assume that all people with HIV revel in filth.  It is something they have done rather than something that happened to them as with other illness.  Whilst this is changing slowly there will always be those that think the worst and you won’t know which ones they are until they know.

Has it been liberating? Kind of. Sure. I still cruise and enjoy hooking up. I have become more open and confident in who I am because once I learned I was poz I had a “fuck it” moment. Its not that I don’t care, but I’m not going to let it be the deciding factor in the rest of my life because I can’t change it.  But I can live with it and I’m going to do so on my terms.

TL;DR There is a thrill to risky sex for sure.  But there are consequences.  If you are the type of person who doesn’t deal with crisis but falls into drama then perhaps stick to a less rocky path.  There are still views to enjoy and memories to make.

[Guest]

On 3/13/2012 at 10:01 PM, rawpozbtm said:

No, I don't regret it being poz, because it is a part of me since 2003. Yeah being poz has its ups and downs just like regular life. If you continue to bareback, then you will become poz. If you become friends with a poz guy, then he could be the one to breed you. I got bred by RawPigDad, and I enjoyed every minute of it. He has a virus that hasn't mutated and wasn't on meds for 9 years. Yes, it was definitely sexually liberating, and I will always remember what it was like to take his poz load in my ass for the first time. We also had a bb party, and I was the main bottom. I felt like I was free and part of a community. If the cute neg boy wants to date you and he doesn't because you are poz, then you need to move on. I personally will not date neg, because it is too much of a liability issue..IMO. Does this help any?

Fucking awesome honestly.  Love to share my juices with men and boys of a certain age. My cock and I think that I would have to be honest  about being infected with this AIDS virus. My cock is so erotically charged with my filthy desires to get poz strains and bugs in the arse of as many guys as pozzible. I was arrested for sex with men and was stark naked at the time and in the police station I was told that I would have to wait until the morning for my clothes so I was naked and blood was oozing out of my arse and my cock. My fuck buddy was also butt naked and bloody. We are both bearded and muscular creatures that we yearned to become and have been fucking aroused by our having public sex on trains  and tubes and get our cocks hard when in the dark outdoors and hunting for men. We have been repeatedly arrested for having public sex and nude living and so on. My fuck buddy is a relative of mine who pozzed me in 2006 and I am so fucking turned on by the poz status and he loves to fuck his toxic loads  in my arse and like him to be infected with AIDS and as infectious as well.

[boypole]

it’s not a fantasy and I’m too busy living life to be worried about a little virus. been poz since 2003 and other than a case of mrsa in the beginning (which came about b/c I wasn’t on meds at the time (b/c cost and insurance issues)), I honestly haven’t thought about it much. 

yes, there is stigma to deal with, but as I said in that other thread, honey boo boo ain’t got time fo’ dat shit. that’s a “them” problem. 

[PozDaddy916]

I’m 67 and was pozzed in May. I wasn’t chasing but not doing much to prevent it.  At the time I was coming out of Covid hibernation, vaccinated and delayed getting back on Prep. For myself I have no regrets. It was caught weeks after seroconversion and I’m now undetectable. I’m on Medicare, retired with supplemental insurance and not seeking a relationship.  If I was younger and still working I would feel very different.  It’s very individual one size does not fit all.

[Barebackadvocate]

On 9/29/2019 at 9:00 PM, KYRiley said:

Personally, I'd use a condom with females and not take the risk.

I know the country is f'd up but concentration camps for HIV + people??  OMG!

There is no such thing as the deep state, sounds like you've been living around too many Trumpies.

 

[Barebackadvocate]

I chased, I'm poz, I am in great health and it really isn't a big deal in my life. I've never had any troubles with the medications and my life goes on just fine. I can think of hundreds of things worse than being HIV positive. If neg guys are all scared and treating you differently than anyone else, the problem isn't you. They obviously are ill informed idiots that are acting like it's 1985 still. If they are afraid of the choices they are making, perhaps they should get on prep, it's that simple. They can bareback all they want, it also is totally safe for neg guys to bb with undetectable guys. In both cases sero-conversion is extremely rare. We are lucky to be living in a time when treatments are so good and prevention is easy.  I hsve absolutely no regrets.  Live fearlessly and enjoy the gift of life!

[Guest]

On 3/14/2012 at 3:37 AM, Deepanalnut said:

It's not all fantasy Pablo, not on this forum and not in the clubs/bathhouses/etc.

I'm not a typhoid mary because I'm on the road to being classified as an elite controller. Genetically I'm very rare in the fight against HIV so in that regard, other than the initial despair of finding out my status, HIV has never really been a health issue for me. I don't stealth, ever. Anyone I fuck knows my status but I am also shooting blanks and the likelihood of me ever pozzing anyone, while not absolute zero, is pretty damn close to zero (unless it turns out I'm a LTNP and my immunity suddenly fails but I get tested monthly for free as part of two study on controllers so I'll know pretty quickly if I'm actually toxic).

My lone regret is with traditional relationships. I'm obviously bi-sexual in that I fuck men and for the past few years, fairly exclusively. But I would like to settle down, do the kids thing and live that so-called "white picket fence" life with the Mrs. and my 2.5 kids. That is difficult when you are HIV+, even if you are beyond healthy and not actually toxic. I don't do relationships with men, I do with women. So on the latter, both my fear of rejection and the reality of my disease make that life very difficult to obtain. That and I'm on the road 3+ weeks out of every month so that kinda fucks me too.

But back to the "fantasy" aspect, I've had guys get a little more wild in the club scene when they hear about my status. Yes, there are some guys that are turned off or move on but to be 100% honest, they tend to be the exception and not the norm. Granted I go to places where my odds are greatly improved but that doesn't stop guys who are neg or unknown from taking my load.

Can you find women who are also HIV Poz to date or have relationship with? 

[Guest]

I don’t regret who I am, or what I enjoy sexually; however with the reality of a Neg wife, it adds a lot of worry and stress. The financial burden and stress from that is what’s hurting  me the most at the moment though.  
 

She agreed to start taking prep, actually her idea. Once/if I become undetectable then I guess it’s business as usual, I already take medication/vitamins every day, so what’s one more? 
 

The only true caveat is how much the fucking pill costs. I got approved for 2 copay cards, so I’m covered for a year. Just have to be an adult and reapply every year till the funding runs out, or I die. 
 

My brother had Leukemia 3X since he was 15, I was 13. He is now turning 36 because he had a stem cell transplant. 100% donor cells at 5 years. The amount of pain, suffering, depression, and isolation HE went through for almost half his life pails in comparison to me having to take ONE pill. 
 

I went through or still am going through the stages of grief. This was a HUGE shift in my life, and my families. So it’s a natural response to feel a whole ass load 😏 of emotions, worry, stress, and fear. But the support I’ve found from complete fucking strangers has astounded me, time and time again. 
 

sorry. Lots on the mind. 

[cumslut4play]

I just checked Facebook to determine when I actually became positive and it was October of 2014 (i know the actual date it happened, but not who it was - story for another time).  I went on a work trip about two weeks after the weekend it happened and had the fuck flu of all fuck flus in my hotel room.

Anyway, to the questions;

• I don't regret it and at first, I don't think I was chasing but that evolved.  When I started full time barebacking, there was no prep, and so a lot of guys would only reveal they were poz if asked and even then a lot of them would lie.  These were also the days of Craigslist hookups and right at the start of BBRT - manhunt was much more prevalent so you still had to hunt for bb versus safe dudes a lot.  I started barebacking around 2002 for the first time, then gave up condoms entirely in about 2008.  I'd say I avoided guys I knew to be poz until about 2008.  I think I started chasing after August 2008 when I remember (and still have the email...see pic) when I took my first poz load knowingly.  I was drunk (must have been sunday funday), he was some hot motorcycle riding black dude.  I remember being nervous but really excited and horny for his dick and load and I think the switch flipped after that night and I definitely pursued poz guys with more vigor and got turned on more knowing they were.  It took six years of a ton of barebacking for me to poz, including party weekends and such where I'd really go out of control.  Lots of fun times and hot moments so no, not looking back with regret.
• Life impact - now with prep, even when it comes to neg guys, it's far less of a concern it seems than it used to be and I feel like chasing is becoming slightly less underworld than it used to be.  And if the neg guy is really that concerned and you're on meds, he's probably ill informed and going to be a boring fuck.  lol  In terms of the meds, I've had great insurance when on meds so that hasn't impacted me.  Having to remember to take a pill every day around the same time with food is sometimes annoying but now there's even bi-monthly shots so it's becoming more of a thing that's just background in your life.  In the broader world of straights and what not, there's  still a lot of information and stigma about being HIV positive, so if you're open about it, you should be ready for that.
• I don't think becoming positive in and of itself is sexually liberating, though mentally I think it can be a blocker for people who might want to go to something like a sex party but won't because they are concerned about becoming positive.  I know some poz guys who are more conservative than almost anyone.  So if you're conservative and a sex party is scary, pozzing won't change that in and of itself.  There are also still health matters to consider after you're poz (e.g. STIs), so if you have any holdbacks on feeling liberated, pozzing alone isn't gonna change that I don't think.

P.S.  I'm sure "Jason Borne" was not the guys real name (I think my display name was "BB Seattle" or something like that for Craigslist emalis), but I also don't think I ever asked.

[Eddie1281]

I do would love to here from guys who are this way and if there detectable 

[BlueSaphir]

I am living my life being poz with adhering to my medication. Personally I feel like I am stamped of being to not engaged with when I do reveal my status with a negative clean guy. 

[Cutedelicategay]

You are playing with fire and your life unless you know how to carry your positive status with grace. 

My honest suggestion is don't do it. Use Prep if you want to be liberated sexually and still bareback. Try DoxyPep for STD prevention. 

When medical science has made so much progress to slowly liberate the gay community from the AiDS scare of the 80s why not make the best use of these miracles. What's the logic in taking a pill afterwards when you can take a pill before and save yourself from other complications.

Such decisions are made through the brain and nor dick.