miko

Do you regret being pozzed? bad health now?

84 posts in this topic

I have no regrets at all. I've been poz for 10 years now, and have had no health problems, and no problems with my meds - no side effects at all, and no problems in taking my pills regularly. Plus I am lucky to live in the UK where we have a National Health Service so all the medication here is completely free (a small dig there at all the crazy people over the Atlantic who think that even the very limited health reforms in the US are a bad idea...)

This is not to say that there can be problems, and in my opinion becoming poz is not something anybody should do lightly, or without thinking very seriously about the possible consequences.

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NO REGRETS at all. I've been looking to be pozzed. It's done. Happy to be so.

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No health issues, yet. Thankfully! Of the mistakes in my life, what I have learned is worth the price of the mistake and there was no regret. Except this one. Yes, I do regret it. I didn't want it. I made a mistake. And I have this killing machine inside me for the rest of my life that I literally have to fight every friggin day. The medication keeps me alive but at $1800 per month, the mere threat to my insurance scares the crap out of me. So I stay longer in jobs that I should leave and I don't try that "something new" in my career. And I have that pill that I MUST take, day after day. Doctor's visits every three months. "Nice" constant reminders of that one mistake, that one person I shouldn't have trusted. The reminder that I have to constantly push back when so much news, hate-mongers, and self-righteous say that I'm "dirty", or that I deserve it, or it's god's will. It's constant and it's tiresome. Look, I don't pity myself and I seem to be able to pull myself up and keep going. So, I find happiness in life in spite of the constant drawbacks and limitations.

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Yes I do regret it but not to the point where it affects my happiness. I am a HIV controller it has almost been 3 years now and I am still not on meds and I have a pretty low viral load and a high cd4 count. So i am very lucky in that in the sense that I am not on meds yet and who knows when I will have to start. However even though my viral load is low (around 500) I cannot state that I am undetectable and it makes it hard to hook-up. I do want a LTR and I am finding it very hard to find someone, the minute I mention I am HIV+, people tend to say thanks for your honesty but I am no longer interested. I am not a bad looking guy and believe it or not I even have a hard time hooking up on Barebackrt. So yes i do regret it but i refuse to let it get me down, but fuck it is hard sometimes!!!

Oh just wanted to add that I have no health problems due to being positive.

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As stated in other posts, I have no regrets. I sought it, I found it, I'm happy.

Totally agree! There is no time for regret...

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I have no regrets... poz for 16 years now, it happened when my self-esteem was a little lower and I didn't care if I got it or not...and figured I would eventually get it anyway. I had always been practicing unsafe sex from age 16. I was lucky that right about the year I got pozzed, the HAART therapy showed up and stopped the death toll in its tracks for many people... after my hospital stay for simultaneous syph and hiv fuck flu, I never had any complications from the meds or the disease (maybe this will shorten my life span by killing my liver early or something, but no problems yet).

In the meantime, it gave me the freedom to fuck without giving a fuck. And I can't imagine having lived 16 years of "did I catch it this time?"

That said, I have been continuously employed with an employer that provides health insurance and can afford my co-pays (currently $50 per month). I'm tethered to my job for health insurance, and when the economy was better I wanted to take a few months off to bike across the US but couldn't because COBRA (which lets you keep your insurance after leaving your job) was too expensive.

I also acknowledge that not everyone will have the wonderful response to meds that I've had, so ymmv.

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not at all! i enjoy my life to the fullest since i got the gift and love to get more as often as possible. and love to give

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No regrets at all, the only thing I'd do differently would be to have made my pozzing more ritualistic.

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no regrets either.. poz and proud here and love to share my bugs

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Thanks for the words of support. I'm generally happy and healthy. But I have to fight for it. I need to add a caveat about health issues. It's true that I do not have any (what my doctor calls) HIV-related medical issues. And I think that was part of miko's initial general question. But, I seem to be getting older before my time. I'm in my late 40's and already having tinitus (for about 6 or 7 years), arthritis (8+ years), vision issues (seeing triple needing my natural lens replaced - i.e., cataract surgery), mild depression. But, I have been addressing these issues which is part of that constant battle. And I'm still winning! (Well, the tinitus can't be treated, only monitored. GOD! How I miss silence!) I just wasn't expecting to have to deal with this so early. Maybe it's just my natural aging or, maybe: there are studies that the virus and/or medication ages us by 10-20 years. That would be about right. I feel that every year with this virus/medication, I age two.

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I am currently passing all my anniversary dates, ie, first got sick, first diagnosed, first started meds, etc. I had a very hard time with it physically as I was one of the 10% who get very very sick with it, but i'm doing ok now. The first nine months were literally hell. But I have felt pretty close to normal for the past five months. I've been undetectable since last August and am staying there on one pill a day. The meds are costing me about $150 a month copay. I had a hard time at first, but when it comes right down to it, I have no regrets. The fuck that did it was worth it.

I sometimes worry about long term effects of the meds or the virus, but I really believe a cure will be found before I have to deal with those issues. I hope. Makes me wonder, if the cure if found soon, will bug chasing still exist? Will gifters have anything to offer?

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