miko

Do you regret being pozzed? bad health now?

84 posts in this topic

On 2017-04-14 at 6:09 PM, tallslenderguy said:

... I don't regret anything I did that resulted in me getting HIV.

I think there's immediate and long-term regret.

I've felt the immediate regret a couple of times already when I thought I was infected with HIV. And I'm sure I would feel it again if in a few weeks I get the fuck-flu. A week or so ago I took a few anonymous loads at a bathhouse and I know I would feel a lot of regret if I think I'm infected or I am diagnosed in a few months. But this is the immediate type of regret.

I know that eventually I would come to terms with being poz and even see advantages on being poz (more unrestrained sex, stealthing and other poz fetishes). Most likely I would not feel long-term regret like many of you here, I would be happy and proud of being poz.

I'm sure that there are many poz guys who feel long-term regret for being poz. For some poz guys life may get too complicated (health insurance, money issues) and they are constantly regretting being poz and even feel depressed about it. But we don't usually hear from those guys here. I remember reading a few comments in this thread where guys express their regret. Most who write in this thread have come to terms and even feel proud and happy to be poz.

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2 hours ago, hungry_hole said:

I think there's immediate and long-term regret.

I've felt the immediate regret a couple of times already when I thought I was infected with HIV. And I'm sure I would feel it again if in a few weeks I get the fuck-flu. A week or so ago I took a few anonymous loads at a bathhouse and I know I would feel a lot of regret if I think I'm infected or I am diagnosed in a few months. But this is the immediate type of regret.

I know that eventually I would come to terms with being poz and even see advantages on being poz (more unrestrained sex, stealthing and other poz fetishes). Most likely I would not feel long-term regret like many of you here, I would be happy and proud of being poz.

I'm sure that there are many poz guys who feel long-term regret for being poz. For some poz guys life may get too complicated (health insurance, money issues) and they are constantly regretting being poz and even feel depressed about it. But we don't usually hear from those guys here. I remember reading a few comments in this thread where guys express their regret. Most who write in this thread have come to terms and even feel proud and happy to be poz.

Hi hungry,

I appreciate your thoughtful response, it got me to think more about this. I see your point and agree, I did have initial sadness and disappointment over getting HIV, but that was all related to fear of sickness and cost.  Now it doesn't matter to me either way. I am neither sick or out of pocket to treat the infection. 

I don't have any wish to infect another person, stealth or otherwise. To me HIV is like any other illness. I wouldn't want to give someone the flu, but I am not going to cloister myself to 'protect' them or me, nor do I expect that from another person. I'm going to take precautions, like wash my hands and even let them know I have the flu.  For me to stop having natural sex the rest of my life to either prevent getting it or spreading HIV is not an option. Receiving seman is a huge part of sex for me.

I had a lot of unprotected sex when HIV could still kill you, I was married (to a woman) and caught in the web of a religion/culture that said I couldn't be who I am. I had a lot of regrets then and didn't have HIV. But even then, my regrets were not enough to keep me from wanting to be bred. 

I've been through a lot and paid a pretty high price to come to a place of self acceptance. I am completely free of any regrets for who I am and I think that spilled over into my answer for this question. More clearly, I do not regret anything I have done that may have precipitated my getting HIV, but I am pretty neutral about having HIV itself. I am fortunate enough to have converted at a time when effective meds are available to control it. I have insurance and drug cards, so my meds to not cost me anything (yet?). So far, no side effects that I know of from the meds. 

For me, my identity is not tied into HIV, so there is no question of pride or shame. I don't consider any disease a 'gift,' so that doesn't factor in for me as far as giving or receiving goes. My health is good, so no regrets in that sense so far. 

 

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On ‎02‎/‎06‎/‎2013 at 4:46 PM, Hornyone said:

Yes I do regret it but not to the point where it affects my happiness. I am a HIV controller it has almost been 3 years now and I am still not on meds and I have a pretty low viral load and a high cd4 count. So i am very lucky in that in the sense that I am not on meds yet and who knows when I will have to start. However even though my viral load is low (around 500) I cannot state that I am undetectable and it makes it hard to hook-up. I do want a LTR and I am finding it very hard to find someone, the minute I mention I am HIV+, people tend to say thanks for your honesty but I am no longer interested. I am not a bad looking guy and believe it or not I even have a hard time hooking up on Barebackrt. So yes i do regret it but i refuse to let it get me down, but fuck it is hard sometimes!!!

Oh just wanted to add that I have no health problems due to being positive.

How do you manage to 'control'?

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On 2017-05-30 at 2:44 AM, Leatherman667 said:

How do you manage to 'control'?

Some peoples body"s just manage to control the virus on their own. I am on meds now, I ended up on meds 3 months after I made that post. When suddenly my viral load spiked.

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I went into this with eyes wide open. I dated a poz guy and reverse stealthed him by applying loads of lube to his cock before putting a condom on him, knowing full well I was gonna remove it during sex. He was adamant about wearing a condom cause he didn't want to give me HIV. That was 22 years ago.

I was diagnosed in 1996 so it's been 20+ years now. I've been in relatively good health all of these years until this one. I had side effects from the original regimen (crixivan,3TC and AZT) but then newer drugs with fewer side effects came along and I tolerated them very well. As mentioned, health was great till this year.  I was just diagnosed with lung cancer.  In a way, it's a good thing that HIV has made me so aware of my health, cause I go overboard with medical checkups , including preventative CT Scans as I was a smoker for a long time and now I'm paying the piper. The good news is that it's very localized and my surgeon at Brigham & Woman's in Boston is confident he can get it all. Of course I'll always be wondering if there will be a recurrence down the road but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

So, to the original question; I do regret making a silly choice for pleasure back then and given the same choice today, I'd have played safe. To be fair to the guy I was dating, I'm not sure he gave it to me because after we broke up, I played BB with several guys. Once I got a taste of feeling raw cock inside me; I just went for it. 

Now, there's PrEP and guys don't have to be worried about HIV from their partners and those that are undetectable like me, cant pass it along anyway. There are lofs of other really nasty STDs out there and I'm really fortunate that I've never had any, ever!

Make educated decisions and then live with them. Just don't stop having fun 😁

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I didn't actively chase HIV. I was just a guy -  like thousands of other guys - having lots of hot sex with lots of men in the late 1970s and early 1980s. So when I tested positive for HIV in the early 1980s - again, like thousands of other guys - it was no surprise.

But neither was it a cause for fear or gloom. For me, it simply was a fact of life that soon transformed into an intense sexual fetish - a source of pleasure that has only grown stronger over the years.

So, after more than 30 years of living with HIV, no regrets. Only lots of hot, passionate sex with thousands of other guys. 

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Regret is part of being alive, but keep it a small part.  I regret taking a shortcut to being poz and not allowing myself the thrill of chasing longer.  I regret the drain that my case will be on the NHS (money that could have gone into research or anything else).  But no regrets about being a chaser or attaining the status I craved.  I did it my way on my terms rather than waiting for fate. Very much Poz Proud now.

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On 6/13/2017 at 4:44 AM, DarkNemesis said:

I regret the drain that my case will be on the NHS (money that could have gone into research or anything else).

It could be worse. Type II Diabetes is what will really bankrupt the NHS.

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