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poptronic

Ex Fuck Bud Freaked Out When I Told Him About My Poz Status

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I swear since I found out I am poz, I just cannot catch a break. It's just been one thing after the next. Here's the latest...

Last night I had a dream about an ex 19 year old fuck bud of mine and when I woke up, I remembered that he had fucked me once a couple of weeks before I found out I was poz, probably two weeks after I converted.

When I woke up, I realized I forgot about this encounter and I never told him. I texted him and told him about how I recently found out I was poz and he needs to get tested. He absolutely flew off the handle.

He called me right away and was screaming things so fast and loud, I couldn't even understand him. I told him to calm down, he didn't so I hung up. He texted me and made a bunch of threats. He said that his aunt is a high powered lawyer and he will sue me for involuntary manslaughter. Then he said that his uncle is the sheriff in his town and he is going to come up to my house with him right now. He said he was going to tell my roommate, then find my girlfriend and my family and tell them everything. He said that my life is basically over and he was going to see to it that my life is ruined.

I pleaded with him to calm down. I tried to assure him that when we met last, I had been tested just a few weeks prior and it was neg (which is the truth). He didn't care and didn't want to take any responsibility for for his own action. He told me that I was a "dead man," and he knows a lot of people who are going to "bring me down."

I told him he needs to get tested and that's the only thing he can do right now. He called me names like "diseased AIDS whore" and "the walking devil." He said I must have given him HIV (though he hasn't been tested since the incident).

It was just one threat after the next. He said that he can't come up today to me "because of the snow, but make no mistake, I'm coming for you."

I always knew this kid had a temper, but clearly he has serious anger issues. I don't know if he is just making a series of empty threats or if he is serious. I don't know what he is capable of or what he will try to put me up against.

Under the legalities of HIV (I'm in NJ), did I do anything wrong here? It's clearly documented the date I learned I was HIV+ and it was after I met him. I need this to become a public spectacle like I need a hole in the head right now.

What would you guys do in this situation?

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The past is the past but you probably shouldn't have told him through a text. That's probably why he flipped out that drastically. It's pretty black and white through a text no emotion. You're probably good legally since you had no knowledge that you were poz. He is emotional right now probably due to a lot of fear. I would let him calm down.

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Turn it around on him, tell him you think he's the one who pozzed you and that you're going after him. He was completely reckless to fuck you without a condom and then you became poz, so it must have been him.

I know it's nonsense, but there's more of a chance that you got it from him than that he got it from you.

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Sorry about this problem for you. You did nothing wrong and it will pass.

A good take away from this is ALWAYS be up front about your status when you hook up in the future. You may miss some fucks but 1) it is the right thing to do) 2 there are so many other good poz guys out there it will not inhibit your social/sexual life.

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Orders 1 through 5: relax...

He's a kid who's had a fright and realised that he isn't, perhaps, as invulnerable as everyone else his age. Because everyone knows that once you get HIV even the people you fucked with before you got it , automatically get it. Eat your heart out Dr Who!

He panicked. And he responded as teenagers do: with unrestrained immature over-reaction. For a start, he fucked you which puts him at much lesser risk from anything you have and you at greater risk from anything he has. Did he insist on a condom, or did you hold him down and sit right on his dick? I presume he's over the age of consent for where you are, so if he's old enough to fuck you, he's old enough to take responsbility for not using a condom. Has he not looked at a newspaper in his life? Nobody thinks it's going to happen to them (except the chasers): last time someone came in me before I tested, I tested positive a year or two later after lots of condom sex. Turns out that I was years too late as I'd seroconverted years before.

He's a frightened little boy. As I keep saying I don't understand America, but if you didn't know you were poz when he fucked you, then there's no legal case. However his threats to you must have some standing in law. Texting wasn't the most tactful way of telling him, but nevertheless you were upfront. How much does 30 minutes of a lawyer's time cost? If it's affordable, see a lawyer before going to the police to tell the whole story. Meanwhile write down everything you can remember about the conversation. If there's been a crime committed it's by the kid. You do not have to put up with that sort of shit.

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Under the legalities of HIV (I'm in NJ), did I do anything wrong here? It's clearly documented the date I learned I was HIV+ and it was after I met him. I need this to become a public spectacle like I need a hole in the head right now.

you didnt do anything wrong. The guy will stop freaking out soon. But if he continues to threaten you, tell him you will be informing the police.

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Turn it around on him, tell him you think he's the one who pozzed you and that you're going after him. He was completely reckless to fuck you without a condom and then you became poz, so it must have been him.

I know it's nonsense, but there's more of a chance that you got it from him than that he got it from you.

RawTop, thanks for the advice, but I don't think that's gonna work as a deterrent here. First, I know for certain it wasn't him who pozzed me. My fuck flu symptoms started literally a day after he and I last met and it had been months before since I had seen him last. There was another encounter I had about 12 days before him that I highly suspect was the poz encounter. I don't want to get too into the details but it's the most suspect.

Second, if I tell him that it was him that pozzed me, that's only going to open up a whole can of worms. He will freak, thinking he really is poz and still try to turn it back on me. He may very well be neg in all actuality. But he is 19, and in that generation of kids who refuse to ever take responsibility for their own actions, there's always someone else to blame.

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Best thing is to let him calm down. If he texts you or calls tell him your sorry but he needs to get tested and calm down. I really dont think he will come after you to hurt you. Big thing is if hes out to his family, if hes not I doubt he will start legal issues esp if he hasnt really tested. Let us know what happens just keep your head.

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Orders 1 through 5: relax...

He's a kid who's had a fright and realised that he isn't, perhaps, as invulnerable as everyone else his age. Because everyone knows that once you get HIV even the people you fucked with before you got it , automatically get it. Eat your heart out Dr Who!

He panicked. And he responded as teenagers do: with unrestrained immature over-reaction. For a start, he fucked you which puts him at much lesser risk from anything you have and you at greater risk from anything he has. Did he insist on a condom, or did you hold him down and sit right on his dick? I presume he's over the age of consent for where you are, so if he's old enough to fuck you, he's old enough to take responsbility for not using a condom. Has he not looked at a newspaper in his life? Nobody thinks it's going to happen to them (except the chasers): last time someone came in me before I tested, I tested positive a year or two later after lots of condom sex. Turns out that I was years too late as I'd seroconverted years before.

He's a frightened little boy. As I keep saying I don't understand America, but if you didn't know you were poz when he fucked you, then there's no legal case. However his threats to you must have some standing in law. Texting wasn't the most tactful way of telling him, but nevertheless you were upfront. How much does 30 minutes of a lawyer's time cost? If it's affordable, see a lawyer before going to the police to tell the whole story. Meanwhile write down everything you can remember about the conversation. If there's been a crime committed it's by the kid. You do not have to put up with that sort of shit.

Bearbandit, I completely agree with you. Though I am not sure if his reaction is just out of panic. He has issues. One of those being complete lack of responsibility for himself. That's not an opinion, it's written all over this kid... He lives with his parents, has no job, not in school, no car, no aspirations for anything (except smoke pot and fuck), mooches everything off everyone else.

So when I told him this he basically ignored entirely the fact that it's his responsibility where he puts his dick. He didn't want to hear any of it, instead just put it all on me, like I did this to him. AND he still hasn't even been tested yet to know if he has anything to worry about! He wants to believe that the whole world is on his side and I am some criminal that needs to be taken care of.

I told him if he shows up to my house ever, alone or with anyone, I'm calling the cops. He texted me back that his uncle is the sheriff in his town, like that automatically overrides the law. He is very naive on how the world works and he thinks it works around him.

Believe me, I saved every threatening text message he sent me. If there is one thing I learned in life, it's that if someone wants to start any kind of case against you, let them go on a tirade and work against themselves while you work on your defense. Instead of threatening him back, I kept a cool head and just responded with messages telling him he needs to test, not threaten me, etc.

My concern isn't so much the legal system. I am confident he has nothing on me. My bigger concern is what else he might try to do to ruin my life. He has a piece of information that can ruin me if the wrong people hear about it. That's what worries me.

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As long as you didn't test poz til after, you didn't lie to him and you are documented since you do have the test results. Plus, manslaughter? Dude would have to be dead. He's an asshole for one thing. Don't talk to him any more. And give yourself a break. The health department will handle notifications for you and will do it anonymously. I let them do that for me except for my married guy and my other regular fuck bud. I handled those myself. The rest got an anonymous call from the health dept. Let them handle it for you. You don't need this added stress. That is exactly what they said to me. He is most likely not infected, so you will have nothing to worry about from him.

And chill out on telling people.

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I agree with everyone on this post and the reason why I don't fuck younger guys. It's hot during sex but the immaturity and fallout is not worth it.

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In some states you can be charge with attempted murder not manslaughter if you infected someone, but they had to know they were poz before the sex.

Edited by BAMFJOCKS

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I agree with everyone on this post and the reason why I don't fuck younger guys. It's hot during sex but the immaturity and fallout is not worth it.

I agree, it's why I generally *usually* stay away from younger guys too. Way too much drama.

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Poptronic, your first lesson about disclosure. You did nothing wrong. But next recollection just make notes to yourself and give it time. Yes you need to disclose to new sex partners. Hold off with old flames for now. Let yourself become accustomed to being poz. Future disclosures? Only orally so nothing is written. And only in person where you are fully aware of surroundings.

Doc put you on meds yet?

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Just to update...

This guy texted me about 40 minutes ago saying that he went out and bought an OraQuick test and is going to do it. Also said that I better "pray that the test is negative, though I know it's going to be positive." Here's how our text conversation went after that...

ME: You don't know it's going to be positive. In fact, it's much more likely going to come back negative because you were the top, putting you at substantially lower risk.

HIM: BUT YOU HAVE HIV!!!! WE DIDN'T USE A CONDOM!! HOW CAN IT POSSIBLY BE NEGATIVE?!?!?!?! YOU KILLED ME, YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?!?! YOU FUCKING KILLED ME!!!

ME: Just take the test and let me know what the outcome is.

Is it unbelievable how naive he is about HIV? Ten minutes later, he texted me frantic that there was a line appearing on the test. I asked him which line and he said next to the C. Did he even read the instructions??? I told him that's normal and wait another 10-15 minutes before reading the test.

20 minutes later he texted me again to tell me there is only one line at the C on the test. I told him that means it's negative. He texted me back a few minutes later with these exact words, "I'm so sorry I accused you earlier. May God be with you."

Really?!?! A few hours ago he was threatening to ruin my life and now he's bringing God into it?? I told him I forgive him but he really needs to 1) learn how to manage his anger and 2) start using condoms because he clearly thinks that HIV is not a possibility for him to catch and it is.

He called me and we had a conversation about it. He also said that we should look for the guy who pozzed me to get back at him. He said he would help me because that guy put me at risk, which then put him at risk. I told him thank you, but I don't get off on revenge, it doesn't solve anything. He clearly does have severe anger issues.

Anyway, this neg OraQuick test was 6 weeks since our encounter. Mine was at 5 when it showed results. How accurate should I take that for?

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