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tallslenderguy

Prep, Stealthing And Chasing

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Hi guys,

 

I learned a few weeks ago that I am HIV+.  I want to give a shout out to tallbtm here. One of the reasons I was getting tested was because he took the time and care to give me some very valuable information on PrEP (how to get it at low or virtually no cost, or at least find ways to make it doable). If I hadn't been poz, I'd be on prep now. 

 

As a quick background, I've been a BB bottom for over 30 years, have probably taken thousands of loads and usually tested annually (didn't always make that mark, I always struggled with getting tested for fear of finding out I was poz). At no point have I ever thought anyone else but me is responsible for my STD status, my choice, my risk.

 

Having said that, I have never knowingly engaged in sex when I had an STD, I'd have a problem doing that even if the guy wanted the STD. I've known that I'm HIV+ for about 3 or 4 weeks now, and have not had sex since finding out (a new record for me lol). It's not that my desire for sex has left, I've masturbated to get some sort of release. My intent is to not have sex until I am on meds and showing an undetectable VL because I don't want to knowingly spread disease.  I know, that's just me, not saying this is "the standard," it's just mine.

 

I want to understand why guys chase and stealth. I do not get it, and I have yet to read an explanation from a chaser or stealther that explains it (which is not to say they don't have one, I just have not read one yet). I've read some who say "it's complicated," but do not say how or why they want to be sick or make someone else sick? 

 

For me it was a question of fear and ignorance. Chances are I could have avoided being poz had I not been afraid of testing and discussing/learning about PrEP with a provider (a long legacy of being stigmatized for being gay). When I finally did get the courage and knowledge, it was to late. 

 

To me, the current treatments and preventative measure (i.e. PrEP) represent a way to hugely reduce HIV, if not get rid of it altogether over time. With undetectable VL on the one hand, and prophylactic treatment on the other, over time HIV could become like polio (in frequency of infection). 

 

So, if you have HIV, why not treat it? If you don't but love to BB, why not PrEP? (these are not rhetorical questions)

 

 

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I agree with you tallslenderguy, I wish I could understand the attractiveness some people find in becoming poz, I do not judge or condem but just would like to understand how that mindset works, guess it is like anything else, TO EACH THEIR OWN

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Tallsenderguy,

 

I'm glad you found the courage to get tested and now, properly treated. I am sorry you didn't get the information and encouragement to investigate PrEP in time.  

 

Your posts about your past and your evolution to where you are now show that you are indeed a strong man, able to handle this challenge that life now brings.

 

Please know that you'll continue to move forward. And don't worry, you'll soon be back to fucking your brains out. I'm certain of that!

 

Best wishes, and be well friend.

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Tallslenderguy,

 

Thanks for an enlightening and rational post on testing HIV+, and your abstaining from sex until you get on meds and get your VL down to undetectable.

 

I'm still neg, but love to BB.   However, I have not started on PrEP.     I would like to give you a logical reason why I have not started PrEP, but, alas, I cannot.

 

But I appreciate your challenge.    It does have me thinking about PrEP.

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Excellent post...

I am not a chaser and don't understand the reason to chase if one can have the same thrills and slutty feeling being on Prep...

Now said that, I wish I could be on Prep myself, but I can't get it here... If there was a chance to get it in whatever means I would be on it in a second...

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I'm not a chaser. I don't like it that much.

 

I do, however, love the idea of getting stealthed. The idea is that I'm powerless. I'm being used by some hot guy like a useless towel to cum in. It's that I'm powerless and the danger of it.

 

Compared to chasing, you have the power when you chase. You know what's likely going to happen. That's why I don't like the idea of chasing.

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It’s all about the risk.

Some of us need, not want, need, the risk.

I need to know that the next load can infect me.

For a long time, the mere sensation of a cock thrusting in my hole was enough.

I finally need “more.”

I wondered, “What did I need? What would put the ‘thrill” back into taking it up the ass”

I pondered for weeks.

Then, it struck me…

I needed the risk of getting pozzed. I needed toxic loads.

I advertised for poz tops on CL. That gave me an education. I received resposes from pozzed guys who turned me on to breedingzone and BBRT. What an education! In 2 weeks I learned so much!

I also learned that I needed poz loads. Simply for the thrill of waiting to get the fuck flu. To wait day after day for the flu to hit me.

I also realized that after all of the bareback loads I’d taken over the years, it was amazing I hadn’t gotten pozzed already.

I also realized that sooner or later I am going to get pozzed, no matter what I do. No, PrEP is not a possibility for me. So, I will become poz someday. The longer away that day happens is fine with me, but it will come, and I intend to have as much fun in the meantime as well as afterwards, as possible.

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