Should I just be happy?

[bigdick4you]

Met my husband almost 5 years ago and our sexual relationship was more then satisfying...but for almost 2 years now he shows no interest in being intimate with me. According to him he has lots on his mind and he has some psychological issues...due to my job I travel a lot for work...I meet other guys on hook up sites. I'm total top and very into masculine slutty bottom guys. So I'm not lacking sex...I just don't have it with my own husband which is frustrating! He has called me pushy in the past, so I stopped asking for sex with as result it's basically non existing. We do love each other very much. We do what normal couples do, hold hands and cuddle but sex is non existent. Sometimes I think it's not the end of the world as I am having sex outside our relationship...by the way he knows all about it as we have always had open relationship. But somehow I would like to have sex with my own guy.i feel like there is a void there. I love him and respect him and don't want to break up but sometimes it's very frustrating...what do u guys think?

[drscorpio]

That you should either try to be  happy getting your sex elsewhere, or you need to go to counseling together.

 You have made your needs clear, and he has responded by blaming you for them. That's not something you are going to have an easy time working through without professional help. 

[Cumfilledbottomboi]

You can be in love with him and not have sex. The fact that you're having outside sex should cure those cravings. So, when he's ready, you'll devour him!

[fuckrogerbb]

That's sad. I agree about counseling. Maybe something will come out of it as to why he doesn't want sex with you anymore. Does he have sex outside your relationship? Nothing is perfect so maybe you will just have to accept him as he is and be happy.

[pozpig]

This can be a touchy situation. IMO, if sex is integral to your love for him, and that need isn't being met then it needs to be addressed. We all have things we like/dislike about current or former partners that we compromise on, Sex shouldn't necessarily be one of those things. Even if it's once every 6 months. Now if you're comfortable with the lack of sex from him since you do have an open relationship, that may be another story, but since you asked the question I have to believe it's a problem. Have you discussed your need to reconnect sexually with him? It sounds like he may not fully realize that his lack of sex with you is causing stress in the relationship. I think a discussion needs to take place either with or without the help of a counselor. 

[bigdick4you]

It kind of makes me doubt everything. Sometimes I feel angry about it and other times just sad. There have been times in the past that he has played with others while I was away and that it involved drugs. He over indulged then and was pretty fucked up afterwards. I think that has something to do with it. I have been seeing a therapist myself and he said that he is a dick basically. In the past he has refused to suck my dick for whatever reason while I know while he was with others he would do it. I'm uncut and I know he prefers cut. Two years back on my birthday he came with me on my work trip and we had great time. We explored the city a bit and we had great dinner at some beautiful restaurant where he organized like a birthday cake...so he is attentful like that ...later that evening he just jerked me off as it was my birthday. He comes up with so many excuses that I don't know anymore and I just gave up...in the past I was too pushi...now it's that he has psychological issues and physical issues going on. The truth is I never expected to find myself in this type of situation...

 

[tallslenderguy]

Ditto the others who ave suggested professional couples counseling. 

Your initial question: "should I just be happy?" is not cerebral decision in my experience.  

I am a non-traditionalist.  I often say that being gay delivered me from "God."  I grew up in a very religious culture that didn't recognize there was even such a thing as being gay, but rather considered it a choice. So I tried to fit myself into a traditional life, wife, kids,  etc..  But who I am did not fit into traditional ways, so I spent a lot of time and energy processing though who I am and learning how to live a happy, healthy life.

I originally thought, after I divorced, that I'd find a guy to be a partner with. It was part of my cultural up bringing that I just transferred from my straight life to my gay life, but I have never been partnered with a guy in any traditional sense of the word, and I am perfectly happy. I am not opposed to it, but I don't feel a need for it either. I think friendship is highly underrated. I've dated one of the heads of the lesbian movement in Germany, we never had sex (she wanted it, I didn't), but it was a great relationship. I dated a transgender (woman to man) person, same thing. I've considered polyamory, but that just seems an extension of monogamy to me.

For me (and I know this is just me) I've pretty much decided that it is improbable that anyone can get all their wants or needs met with one person.  Having an expectation that another person meet a need/want, leads to disappointment when it doesn't happen. Simple statement, I know.  I am not saying that you have the expectation that your husband meet all your wants or needs, but you do have the expectation that he have sex with you, and he does not. I think counseling could help you identify why you have that need/want, and he does not, then maybe figure out if one of you can change, or both somewhat, or change the relationship? 

[bigdick4you]

It angers me because I'm not asking for the moon imo. I find it kind of disrespectful. Doubt that someone else would tolerate this shit. I can imagine that if I wanted extreme sex it would be a problem like piss,scat,extreme bondage...and ultimately I'm angry with myself for putting up with it and at times feeling guilty when I hook up with other guys. I already don't hook up in the city where I live out of respect for him.