Ready to Die?

[Toon]

2003

You pay the price for being too cautious. By the time I realized I was gay (first year of college), it was already widely known that HIV was transferred via sharing bodily fluids. Some activities were safer than others, but I avoided them all. I never did anything with anyone. I had plenty of gay friends because I was in art school, but none of them were abstinent. They went out and experimented in bars and parks, while I stayed home and drew in my sketchbook with reruns of "Bosom Buddies" on TV. Everybody told me I was wasting my youth, but at least I knew I was healthy. 

I graduated and moved to a semi-large city where the gay life was a little more active. Or so I'd heard....I stayed celibate and careful. I once hooked up with a nice-looking gay man who loved in my apartment building. I was so nervous and afraid of the encounter that I ruined the evening. I wouldn't even kiss him on the mouth. "What's the problem?", he finally asked. I told him I didn't want his spit in my mouth. "Are you serious?" He couldn't believe it. I told him my fears and he told me in no uncertain terms that I would someday overcome my fears but it'd be too late. I'd be too old for anyone to want.

That hurt. But he was probably right. My 30th birthday had just passed and the 40's were on their way. I had a few gray hairs already. I'd spent so much energy trying not to die that I'd forgotten to live.  Maybe it was time to change. I remember from high school algebra class that every equation has two separate sides that are opposite each other. Somehow I moved over to the other side and felt a switch click on in my brain. I'd get on my desktop computer and Google thongs like "how to get AIDS", "the joys of being HIV positive" and "Find local poz guys". I went through a lot of links and learned terms like 'bug-chaser', 'gift-give', 'breeding' and 'conversion'. I saw videos of skinny tattooed men fucking young, pretty studs with no condom. I read tons of stories about how much guys liked that they had been pozzed or about how they pozzed someone else. By the time I was 33, I was exploring this dark world nightly and getting painful boners. 

One of my favorite sites (now inactive) had photos, stories, essays and personal ads. The personal ads were split into two sections. The guys who wanted to be infected had ads under the caption "Please Give Me Your Gift, Sir" and the poz guys who wanted to infect negative men were under the caption "Accept My Gift, Buddy". Those four words were so fucking hot that just typing them now made me stiff. Unfortunately, there were no gift-givers in my general location. I checked night after night until a new one appeared that was from a giver right here in my town! The ad read:

READY TO DIE?  GWM, 38, 6'3, solid build, divorced. I've got the bug and want to give it to you. No-strings fucks only. 

Well of course I answered. I described myself and left my email address and phone number. And waited.

On Saturday morning, my phone rang. 

"Hello?"

"Yeah. You relied to my ad. Just called to say 'key'".

"I'm so glad you did (was I really?). Great ad, by the way. I bet you had tons of replies."

"Nope. Just you. That website is kind of obscure, but I also put it on some popular ones and you're still the only one who answered. One's all I needed, though. I need to give this gift to someone soon. "

"Where are you?"

"Well, since the divorce,I've been living in one of those motel rooms you rent by the week. It sucks, but I'm used to it now. I work as a bartender in a straight bar near the River district. I'll be there tonight but I won't be able to leave until 3 AM. Think you can come by and at least say 'hi'? The place is called "Beats". It might be busy or it might be dead. There's no telling."

"I know where that is. I'll be there."

"How will I know you? Wear something I'll recognize."

"I'll be in jeans and a dark blue sweatshirt. My name is Will."

"Cool. I'm Art. The other bartender is a chick -- so you'll know which one I am. Be there by 10, OK?"

"See you then."

click

So there it was. I was further along into a quest that I never imagined I'd be on.  It was still early, so I went back to bed. Sleep was impossible of course, but the possibilities and fantasies about what could happen put me into a waking trance of lust and a little fear. I took a long shower and shaved my face carefully. I'd managed to cut my chin several times with the razor. Nerves.  I brushed my teeth way too vigorously because I remembered doing that caused bleeding of the gums and I wanted to expose tiny wounds in my mouth. I wanted all portals open to the gift. I got dressed and thought of putting on some cologne, but didn't. This wasn't a date I was going out to be fucked, not seduced. I was ready to die. 

By 9 PM, I couldn't take the waiting anymore. I left and made the short drive to where Art was waiting. "Beats" catered to young hetero people, but there were lots of more 'happening' clubs opening along the River District. I knew it wouldn't be crowded and it wasn't. I parked right up front and walked right in. Yep -- totally dead. The music wasn't even loud. I walked up to the bar and saw the lady bartender flirting with a punker-looking guy with tattoos and piercings. They were on the verge of a lip lock when I sat down. 

She seemed annoyed and asked me what I needed. "Um...is Art here?" 

"In the back. He'll be out in a minute." She resumed her conversation with the punker. Just then, a large guy walked in from the storage room. He looked so different than what I'd pictured. He was kind of cute in a goofy way. He was big and reminded me on a puppy whose paws were too big for its body. His expression was clear and open -- like he was waiting for a question. Nice. I liked him immediately. The girl waved her manicured  hand in my direction. "You got a visitor here."

He put down the crate of freshly-clean glasses and looked at me. "Will?"

""Hi, Art."

"Hi!"

He seemed to approve of my appearance. Possibly, a little surprised. He was every inch if 6'3"  and wearing one of those long underwear shirts beneath a T-shirt. Manly, casual. He sure as hell wasn't dressed to impress, but I still was. Maybe he noticed the admiration in my eyes. "I'm taking my break now, Rima. Go see if anybody at the tables needs anything." She pouted a little and moved off to do a job she obviously hated. 

"Come sit down at the end of the bar. I'll get us a couple of shots."

I moved down to where he was stacking glasses somewhere below where I could see. He dried his hands and came out to sit next to me. He seemed to bounce as he walked. He had a jumpiness I could relate to. He produced a few shot glasses filled with red liquid. "It's Hot Damn, 150 proof. Careful. Go slow."

The punker left without leaving so much as a quarter tip. Poor Rima. She came back to the bar and got a rag to wipe up all the empty tables that people were leaving. It was getting desolate in here. 

"She's in a bad mood. The owner told us tonight that we're shutting down at the end of the month. I saw it coming. She didn't."

"Just leave and find another shitty bar job. I've never been unemployed for more than a week,"

He got up, walked behind the bar and turned the music almost all the way down. He brought back two cold bottles of beers. "Let's go sit at a table."

We sat at one in a dark corner. Nobody was left. "Let's drink up some free beer and then leave. I'm quitting now."

SO we drank beer after beer and he talked out loud about what he had to do next. He'd call a few guys and probably start a new job by Monday.  The light was low, but I could still see that open, inquisitive expression he had. I waited for a question. None came, so I asked one.

"When did you get divorced?"

"Oh God. It was over a year ago. She found out about how much fucking around I was doing. I'd given her a couple of disease, but not HIV. She was so pissed. I went to the clinic and found out I had the whole alphabet of STDS. "

"Why did you cheat on her?"

"Occupational hazard, I guess. Girls dig bartenders and I didn't resist any offers. Plus, my wife never loved me. We were trying to start a family, but she'd abort any baby I'd plant in her. I wanted a kid...and now I guess I'll never have one."

"Why do you want to poz someone?"

"Shit, Will. I was so drunk when I composed that ad. I was acting on pure impulse."

"Oh."

"Why the fuck do you want my poz seed?"

I explained my strange journey here and he nodded, "You want a smoke? I need one.". He left, unlocked the cigarette vending machine and pulled out multiple packs of various brands.

"Still want to let me do this to you?", he asked.

I nodded as I opened the the second beer. 

"Well, I want to, Will."

"Tonight?"

"Why not? I'm ready to just walk out of here. My rented place is in The Dunham Inn right up the street. The building and hallways are a little scary, but my place is pretty nice and the locks are secure. I'll steal a bottle of something and we can go do it. Leave your car here and I'll bring you back in the morning. Ready?" I was.

"I'm feeling weird now."

"Why?"

"I wasn't expecting anyone like you?"

He paused. "I thought this was going to be a simple fuck...just me putting a load of death into some random dude's ass. I wanted no attachment -- just release and satisfaction. I thought it be no problem."

"it's still no problem. I want to accept your gift. It would be an honor, Will."

"OK. Good. Keep talking to me like that."

Right then we arrived at his "motel". The building was as scary as promised. Blinking neon and assorted lowlifes hanging around outside. 

"Stick close to me. I'm big enough to scare most of them."

His room was not so bad. A big bed and a TV that had been left on. He turned it off and starting stripping off his clothes. He flopped back on top of the bed in his jockey shorts. "Join me, Will."

I got undressed and lied right next to him.

"Keep talking like you were before."

"I've told you everything. I want that lethal cock and that lethal load inside of me. Talk to me now."

He pulled down his underwear and started stroking his big red dick. "This cock of mine is pure death. It will kill you and you have to promise me you really want it."

I was out of talk. I got between his big thighs and started kissing his deadly organ. It got hard so fast. I grasped it at the base and studied it. It was pulsing with his heartbeat. It wasn't death. It was as alive as his heart or brain. Human and healthy. I kissed his balls which made him moan a little. I made slow work of worshipping his shaft. My sucking skills were untested, but I went for it. He arched his back and bucked back and forth into my mouth. He rolled over and pushed my legs apart with his hips. "We need to do this now."

"I'm ready."

"Are you" Are you really ready to die?"

"DO IT!"

He plunged into my hole. It was impossibly painful, but my hormones and adrenaline were cranked so high, that I didn't cry out or resist. He got it all the way in and let me get used to it. Then he pumped and found a pace he liked. He bucked faster and started mumbling.

"I am giving you this shit in my body. It'll be your shit next. Our shit. Ohhhhh. I'm cumming!"

And then this mission had complete. We both had what we wanted now.

We fell asleep in each others' arms. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[want2bebrednc]

Such a hot story

[bigkevsuk]

We're do these stories come from.there so horny and hot gets me stiff every time please keep them coming

[Guest mspsubmale]

very nice, well-written and descriptive story of a journey to finally get what is being looked for.....would love to find my own Art and follow through just like Will.....

[str8mature5]

This writer comes up with some hot stories! He's a natural writer.

[Guest Dad4poz]

Really good story.  Well written.  I only wish I could find someone like that to do it to me. 

[hrbigbelly]

Damm hot story I would love to find someone like that.