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Welcome to the Club


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i had an ideal childhood. I lived in a generic town in a generic part of the country, but everything was normal and nice. My friends and I rode our bikes and played softball in the park...hell, there was even a tree house in my backyard. Everything changed in 2001. My grandma came to live with us, I started junior high, my parents finally bought a computer and 9/11 happened. Everything was worse. Grandma was a sweet lady, but very deeply into Jesus. She bugged me with her scriptures and psalms and shit. My group of friends seemed to split up and go their separate ways. I was in a bad mood and felt like I was not developing  properly. I was gay of course, but that was just too big of a thing to think about. my bike and tree house looked ridiculous to me all of the sudden. And I kept getting pimples here and there.

The computer didn't interest me too much. I sucked at the games on it because my hand/eye coordination was never good. I knew there were naked pictures on the internet, but there was always an adult lurking nearby. Plus -- my grandma was always on it. I still curse whoever showed her how to use a computer. She only went to religious websites and places where old, conservative, bible-thumping people like her gathered. That's where the story really begins...

"I read a lot of facts about the gays and their AIDS. Did you know that the disease started because those people eat each others' poo?", Grandma announced at the dinner table one night.

There was no shutting her up. "And they want more funding for research so they try to infect normal people like us. They stick you with needles that are contaminated. One woman was at the movies and felt a small pain in her back. After the movie was over, her husband saw a sticker on her shoulder that said 'Welcome to the club'. She got the AIDS without knowing it!"

I wanted to go eat in my room...away from this shit. "And they leave dirty syringes in the coin return slots of payphones. So scary and so evil."

I didn't believe her...entirely. But I wondered it might have some truth in it. I often thought about men having sex with other men, and this added an element of danger to it.  I was terrified at first, but that fear turned to fascination over time. I read about the HIV virus in magazines they had in the school library. As I educated myself, I learned about how the virus was actually transmitted. I read about condoms and everything related to this 'gay disease'. I remember once snooping through my parents' bedroom and finding a box of condoms in a drawer. I was mostly fascinated by the illustration of the rubber on the front. It was fully extended and looked giant to me. The box had been opened which meant my father had put one on his penis already! Was he as big as the drawing? 

I went through high school, dark and moody. I was smart enough to know I wasn't mentally healthy, but not smart enough to ask for help. I was just a typical, sullen teenager in my family's eyes.  I got my own computer the year I before I graduated. I used it for homework at times, but mainly I followed the draw of darkness. I went to porn sites, chat rooms and forums about gay sex. I wanted to know everything. Once I found a website where real guys talked about HIV as an erotic thing. They liked spreading it and made it sound so arousing. Imagine...getting a deadly sickness on purpose! I was 18 by then and knew I'd be leaving home soon. I wanted to meet some of these people in real life. They seemed more familiar to me than any of the people my age. Dark, twisted people.

I went to the same college both of my parents attended. It didn't seem too much different than high school at first. The same cliques and herd mentality prevailed. Rah rah rah. What is 'school spirit' and what good does it do anyone? I did find a few dark, brooding people like myself, but they expressed their torment through art or poetry or music. I kept mine quiet and locked away. I got acquainted with beer and weed and a few other things, but I was really just waiting. Waiting for what I knew was close by. It probably wouldn't come to me -- I had to out and find it. I started to take long walks at night....everywhere and anywhere.  I followed my instincts and wound up at a park that was sort of iconic because of the tall tower built as a memorial to victims of whatever war.  It looked like giant penis. I sat on a stone bench and had a clove cigarette. As my adjusted a little, I noticed there were a lot of cars parked here. And there was movement in the shadows. Maybe this was where I'd find what I was searching for. If not, it was close.

"I thought I smelled a clove. Got an extra?" A guy sat on the bench next to me. He was older than me, larger than me, and had a weird beatnik beard. I gave him a smoke and lit it for him. In that flash of the lighter I saw a face that looked somewhat demonic. Maybe not -- maybe it was the dark eyes, hair and strange beard that he had. Possibly that was look he was going for. Silence.

"There's a lot of people here."

"No more than usual. I've seen it a lot more full."

"You've been here at night before?"

"Only when my dick gets hard."

"Huh?" All my sense were on high alert.

"This where guys come to suck and fuck. You didn't know that?"

"No, I...I'm a freshman."

"Well, it's early. Around midnight, more will show up. I've probably fucked most of them. You gay?"

"Probably."

"Only one way to know for sure." He leaned over and kissed me on the mouth. My first kiss. I reached down and touched his crotch. Why? I just wanted to,

"Well, that settles that. You're fun. Want to take a walk?"

"Sure. Where?"

"Not far. Come on."

We walked under some huge trees and small sidewalk lamps. He wanted to know about me. I told him most of what I've told you. He was content to listen and I just kept babbling. 

"You know that thing about needles was just an urban myth, right? Shit, man. The internet is full of bullshit, but I'm glad you found that website...I'm probably a member there."

"Are you HIV positive? Are you a bug-chaser? A gift-giver?"

"I'm anything you want, little friend. I'm Doug, by the way."

"I'm Andy. Nice to meet you."

Where was my brain? Why wasn't it working? I needed to think, but forgot how. We moved deeper into the park. The football stadium wasn't far.

"You're still a virgin, aren't you?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Just curious. We're here."

Where? It was just a bare patch of grass, bathed in a square of light from the stadium ahead.

"This is where I like to take the new ones. Sit down. It's still a little too early in the year for chiggers, so we should be fine." We sat and he stretched out his long legs.

We kissed again and when I reached to touch his groin, he already had his bare penis sticking out of the fly. Electricity went through me.  He was already erect. So was I.

"Take my pants off for me, Andy."

I pulled off his shoes and pants. No underwear. He was half-naked and hard as a rock. I could feel his devilish smile in the sparse light. 

"Very good. Now take off your own. Let me get a look at what I'm dealing with here." I don't think I was ever naked outdoors before. My bouncing boner was embarrassing. 

"I see you like everything so far. Let's leave our shirts on for now. There's a bunch of twigs everywhere. Sit."

"Will anybody see us?"

"Who cares. Just bend down and suck my dick."

I bent down and took the head of his penis in my mouth. It was slick already. I took as much of it as I could. I'd never done this before, but I could tell I was good at it. Doug kissed air in between his teeth as I got further and worked the shaft with my tongue. I came up for air.

"Want to sit on it? Sit on my big dick?"

"You have a condom?"

"Nope. I'm allergic to latex. We'll be careful. Just try to get your ass right above my crotch, and then lower down."

I tried, but it was awkward and my balance was off. I ended up falling over. Before I could try again, he said "Never mind. We'll do this the old-fashioned way."

He pinned me on my back and spread my legs apart. He got rougher. His penis was pressing against my bare butt hole. I knew it would never fit, but maybe all the spit I'd used on him worked enough to get the tip in. I yelped and heard it echo in the darkness.

"That's the worst part, little boy. It's all candy from now on. Enjoy."

He was then fucking me. I was getting fucked. By a man. The dark I'd been searching for was thrusting inside of me over and over again.

It started to feel wonderful. A certain kind of wonderful I never knew existed. "We have to be careful."

"I am carefully giving you what you need....right...NOW!" A spasm took over his body and I knew he's cum inside me. Sperm.

We got dressed in silence and started walking back. I wanted to talk, but couldn't get a sentence started.

"Shh. I know you want to make some sense of this, but you need a good 24 hours to think. Go home, get some sleep and come back to find me in a few days. I'm here almost always."

"But..."

"Ssh. Here's my car. Give me a kiss."

We kissed as he got in. I turned to walk back to my dorm just as he opened the door again.  "Oh yeah....welcome to the club!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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