I Suck at Being a Cum Whore-HELP!!

[Rawdawg13]

     There.  I said it.  I needed to get it off my chest.  I've come to this sight many times and vented and ranted and it always helped.  I'm back.  I talk a big game on here and in life about being a nasty slut...but I'm not.  In truth, I've always been the "Dorothy Zbornac" not the "Blanche Deveroux" when playing the Golden Girls game...but I wanted to be the "Blanche".  Something within me just always stopped me from allowing my freak flag to fly.  I'd go to a bath house and spend all night locked in my room because one old creep spooked me.  Or I'd have to get so drunk to go that I'd pass out anyway.    I can count on two fingers the "hot" encounters I've had over my 45 year lifetime.  So, no real hot stories for me.  My stories end up, for example, with me puking on my poor trick.  Shame on him for feeding me red wine and Goldschlager, but far from sexy none the less.  Or one time I went home with a hot trick and he said "I hope you don't mind sleeping on the floor" and I thought it was some dom/sub play (why I don't know!?!) and I was not into it so I left.  Later I found out he just didnt have a bed.

     I don't know if it was coming of age in the eighties when we literally thought at one point that you might die from holding hands or sharing a coke.  I don't know if it was from being raised in a fundamentalist christian religion and "gay shame" is the culprit.  I don't know.  I had a friend tell me a long time ago that "You're just not the slutty kind, you're more like the marrying kind."  Fuck you and YUCK!!

     Fast forward to the present and my partner and I decide that its time open our relationship as we always knew we would.  I thought that now I was over my inhibitions.  It was time to let the slut out of the bag.  But...no dice.  I fucking flew to Chicago just to go to a bath house for a CumUnion.  How many guys did I sleep with?  One and a half...don't ask...   My second night there was even more dire. This past weekend my partner and I drove to Texas to fuck and play at a bath house.  Now let me say this.. My partner has no problem catching a D.  Literally by the time we meet up for the first time he already has 2+ loads, fucked a twink, and started a group party in "the maze".  And I'm like "I found the coke machine..."  We did share hot, hot moments where he totally pimped my hole out.  Very very hot.  But thank god, or I'd have nothing hot to remember.  And I encouraged him to have fun, thats why we went.  His opinion is that I seem awkward and uncomfortable when "cruising"...something he used to suffer from...one day he just got over it.  He said he always felt more comfortable in dark room situations and bath houses.  I never was.  I'm not even comfortable going to an ABS...and I'm a fucking grown ass man!

     I hate conceited people so I'll just say that I know I"m not heinous to look at.  Besides I'm a gay man...I'd know if I were ugly!  Even my partner says its not because of my looks.   Besides, less attractive people get laid all the time.  So I can rule that out.

     Y'all don't understand...this is really eating me up.  Since we opened our relationship, getting dick is all I think about.  My grades have fallen.  Hell I haven't even registered for next semester yet.  What do I do?  How do I let all the shit go and let loose?  How do I feel comfortable within my own skin sexually?  Granted, I've had more than my usual two hot encounters in this past year....but not by much.  I feel like its my birthright as a gay man to enjoy my sexual side.  Especially now that I don't give a fuck and I'm all about bare backing.  I have a wonderful, loving, encouraging partner who is all about it.  This past weekend was supposed to be my cuming out or cuming in party!  Instead it felt more like a depressing prayer meeting.  Has anyone out there been through this.  I can't be the only one out there.  I'm can't be that original!!  Surely Shirley, someone else shares this with me.  What worked for you?  What did you do?  I'm shooting off SOS flares....I need help!

[AirmaxUK]

An interesting and honest post, Rawdawg13.  A lot of what you say chimes with me... 

I've always been been a bit shy and self-conscious. It means I'm reluctant to take my shirt off in a club. If I'm in a play space I am more often in the periphery than the centre. When I saw friends and playmates getting far more action I took a long hard look at why and all I could conclude was a matter of attitude. Let me give an example:

If I saw someone I liked in a cruising place - I might admire from across the room - edge closer - see if there's any body language or if he's noticed me - pick up courage what to do or say - and by the time I've made an approach I usually get a rebuttal or he's moved on and interested in someone else. I watched how my friend Marcus worked similar situations: he was really direct. No messing - straight in there, often on his knees! So I decided to try that approach and yes sometimes you get refused but the success rate was so much higher. In my case it just needed a bit of courage and getting over the possibility of rejection. 

I also looked at how more prolifically successful guys worked the clubs and saunas and in terms of group action they were not afraid to push their way into the centre of an active group and get stuck in. Guys like me watched from the outside and hoped that another guy on the outside might be interested. So I changed my behaviour again and became more assertive in groups to stay in the 'eye of the storm' and be actively involved. 

These things didn't come naturally to me - they still take effort - and are a little easier after a beer. 

The final hurdle was the taking your shirt off thing. I remember going to Cumunion when it was in The Flying Dutchman in London, and was wearing a jock and t-shirt. The guy running the event was chatting to me at the bar and tried very hard to convince me to un-shirt. I did and it made me very self conscious that first time - so much that it showed in my attitude and affected my success. A week later I was at SOP in Central Station and the barman there I knew said much the same thing - you should take your shirt off and show off your hairy chest - so I did. This time I felt less self conscious and got more attention. The next time it didn't bother me at all and it helped a lot. 

The other thing I've noticed is to make your stamp on a place early. If I play early-on in a place where other guys can observe then others who are interested seem to come forwards more readily during the rest of the evening. I've noticed other guys do this - play with someone they know and make an impression early on... 

So for me it's a journey - I'm constantly looking at how guys who are seemingly less good looking but more prolific in the scene behave and adapting my behaviour - even if it takes me out of my comfort zone. 

Good luck

Andy

 

[bottomcub85]

Meth will turn you into a marathon cumdump so fast and effectively, you'd swear it was invented by gay scientists.

[Dane]

I too can relate to a lot of this Rawdawg - in my heart and mind I'm a nasty slut ... but in person I'm not. I guess the reasons for this are multiple. When it comes to barebacking, random hook ups, anon loads etc. I must admit, that one thing holding me back is my health. I know there's a risk connected with bb'ing, and I know being pozzed is not necessarily a death sentence. But I'm not turned on by bb because I consider being pozzed a "goal" in itself ..... I'm turned on by bb'ing because I want to have fun and fuck "natural". However, the thought of being pozzed holds me back from letting loose and enjoying myself. When it comes to other sexual desires and dreams ... like Water Sports etc. what's holding me back is mostly my own "shame" over being turned on by this kind of kink.

[Rawdawg13]

@andy-  Thanks for making me feel like I'm not the only one.  I know its a behavior thing.  There is a old George Burns quote "If you can fake confidence, your half way there."  I thought I was doing that but I guess I wasn't!  I've pushed myself far beyond my comfort zone, which I admit is very small and limited that it feels almost claustrophobic, so I guess I just need to keep pushing.  Thanks for your words!

@bottomcub-  I had some this weekend and it makes me a total fuck monster-- once sex has been initiated.  It still doesn't help me get over that first hump (...if there is even going to be some hump!)  But I agree, it totally helps with erasing inhibitions...even if its probably bad for you in the long run, I don't even give a shit anymore!!  I just want the D!!

@dane-  I totally agree except I don't even care.  My doctor put me on Prep after one syphilis and gono.  I'm not a chaser and couldn't care less...I just love the thought of cum and the skin on skin intimacy.   I'm 45, I grew up during the 80's...and I've never used condoms...never!  It wasn't even a conscious decision, thats just the way I had sex.  I think I'm immune or something.  Granted I didn't have a lot of sex but come on...it was the 80's! 

[subbytch]

11 hours ago, Rawdawg13 said:

There.  I said it.  I needed to get it off my chest.

You aren't alone. I'll be 48 next month. So you -really- aren't alone. 

I would love to be a no-loads refused, bathhouse every week, gang bang every fortnight bottom. Despite trying, I'm just not wired that way. Porn is great, fantasy is great, but in real life, I need some kind of connection -- fuckbuddies, friends with benefits, lovers -- to really cut loose and let go. 

One time, decades ago, I went to a bathhouse, all pumped up and ready for sex with anyone in side. Payed whatever the ridiculous fee was, entered into the dark and slutty environment and... turned around and left. The guy behind the glass laughed and was surprised that I didn't ask for a refund. I wasn't scared.  I've shown up naked on the doorstep of a top I'd never met before, both on command and ready to serve. The point was we'd been talking for weeks. I had a sense of him, was excited by him, and had a fuckton of fun serving him. The randomness of the bathhouse, of truck stops, even the CumUnion party I went to after going on PrEP and stayed all of five minutes at, just doesn't do it for me. Random hookups? Not really. If there's some kind of chemistry when they walk in, great, but their dick doesn't do it. Again, it's about connection for me.

I'd still like an orgy. I'd still like to be used by several tops at once. I still prefer open relationships to closed ones. I just need for there to be some level of connection or interest there in order to get excited. As much as I love, love, love, sex, fortunately or unfortunately, it's not just about getting a cock in my cunt. It's about the person attached to that cock, in some form or another.

Find -people- that you want to fuck around with. Ones that you know going in that you are ready for whatever they have in mind. You have an open relationship. You might need a fuck buddy that you can call on to pound your ass. Since your liked your BF pimping your hole, have him do it for you more often.  Find a social group that goes on hikes -- then fucks around at the top of the mountain. The nudist groups that I'm part of have events where a room is set aside for fucking. Still not exactly my thing, but if I hung around with someone for a while and was interested, I'm sure I'd take advantage of the space. 

There -is- a way through this. It starts with letting go of the idea that there's only one way to be a slutty bottom. There's your way -- and that's perfectly fine.

Edited July 28, 2017 by subbytch
never satisfied

[Rawdawg13]

16 minutes ago, subbytch said:

You aren't alone. I'll be 48 next month. So you -really- aren't alone. 

I would love to be a no-loads refused, bathhouse every week, gang bang every fortnight bottom. Despite trying, I'm just not wired that way. Porn is great, fantasy is great, but in real life, I need some kind of connection -- fuckbuddies, friends with benefits, lovers -- to really cut loose and let go. 

One time, decades ago, I went to a bathhouse, all pumped up and ready for sex with anyone in side. Payed whatever the ridiculous fee was, entered into the dark and slutty environment and... turned around and left. The guy behind the glass laughed and was surprised that I didn't ask for a refund. I wasn't scared.  I've shown up naked on the doorstep of a top I'd never met before, both on command and ready to serve. The point was we'd been talking for weeks. I had a sense of him, was excited by him, and had a fuckton of fun serving him. The randomness of the bathhouse, of truck stops, even the CumUnion party I went to after going on PrEP and stayed all of five minutes at, just doesn't do it for me. Random hookups? Not really. If there's some kind of chemistry when they walk in, great, but their dick doesn't do it. Again, it's about connection for me.

I'd still like an orgy. I'd still like to be used by several tops at once. I still prefer open relationships to closed ones. I just need for there to be some level of connection or interest there in order to get excited. As much as I love, love, love, sex, fortunately or unfortunately, it's not just about getting a cock in my cunt. It's about the person attached to that cock, in some form or another.

Find -people- that you want to fuck around with. Ones that you know going in that you are ready for whatever they have in mind. You have an open relationship. You might need a fuck buddy that you can call on to pound your ass. Since your liked your BF pimping your hole, have him do it for you more often.  Find a social group that goes on hikes -- then fucks around at the top of the mountain. The nudist groups that I'm part of have events where a room is set aside for fucking. Still not exactly my thing, but if I hung around with someone for a while and was interested, I'm sure I'd take advantage of the space. 

There -is- a way through this. It starts with letting go of the idea that there's only one way to be a slutty bottom. There's your way -- and that's perfectly fine.

I like how you said fortunately or unfortunately because thats the fucking truth...its unfortunate, btw!  This is supposed to be fun!  Not the anxious and melancholy sap I've become because of all of this.  Its not what I wanted to hear but maybe its what I needed to hear.  See, I don't even like hugging people.  Even people I know.  I'll fist bump or I'll just say bye...but I hate hugging...so yeah, what you say makes sense.   So why do we have to care while everyone else gets to run around enjoying their sexuality?  Why were we cursed with this blight and burden because thats what it feels like...a fucking curse.  Fuck, its so aggravating, right?  Thanks for taking the time and sharing your experience....it totally sounds familiar, trust me!  

[drscorpio]

Moderator's Note: I am going to let the brief mentions of chem sex go because that's all they were. Keep those topics out of General. Please no more of it, or I will have to delete the thread. 

[drscorpio]

If your partner enjoys pimping you out, ask him to do it more. I used to be inhibited about taking loads. My husband loves watching me take loads. He used to line up tops to breed me. Overtime, doing that for me brought me out of my shell. 

 

[bivergent]

I am 46,  I also suck at it.  I have never even taken a known load. I have only bottomed once and while I think he seeded me he says he didn't.

I have a lot of fantasies of being a bb cum slut but my reality is different.  I post on CL and then chicken out usually by saying my girlfriend showed up.

Or like last weekend I posted showed at  the site we had chosen stayed for about an hour and never sent him the email or text that I was there.

[Rawdawg13]

Thank you, I don't feel quite so bad now...I've def bottomed more than once....just get out there, you can do it!

 

[subbytch]

On 7/28/2017 at 11:21 AM, Rawdawg13 said:

I like how you said fortunately or unfortunately because thats the fucking truth...its unfortunate, btw!  This is supposed to be fun!  Not the anxious and melancholy sap I've become because of all of this.  Its not what I wanted to hear but maybe its what I needed to hear.  See, I don't even like hugging people.  Even people I know.  I'll fist bump or I'll just say bye...but I hate hugging...so yeah, what you say makes sense.   So why do we have to care while everyone else gets to run around enjoying their sexuality?  Why were we cursed with this blight and burden because thats what it feels like...a fucking curse.  Fuck, its so aggravating, right?  Thanks for taking the time and sharing your experience....it totally sounds familiar, trust me!  

We're wired like we're wired. There's not much we can do about it. 

If you don't like hugging people, there's zero chance you want random people cumming in your ass -- unless your lover has a role in those guys who do the cumming. It's just not you. I suppose you could spend every evening a bathhouse, ass up in the air, taking loads until you are numb, but why? Even the people on here who are no-loads refused bottoms love being no load refused bottoms. 

All that you can do is figure out how your psychology works, see where the joy comes from, and embrace the fuck out of that. Look, there are countless people on here who, despite their profiles, are having sex with condoms if they are having sex at all. Not everyone on this page is exactly what their profile says. You at least have reached a point where sex without condoms is fine. (I've reached that point, but it took PrEP do it.) There are people here and in the world that would love to be able to do even that.

There is a way for you to find the pleasure you want. It does start with letting go of being whatever you think a bottom is supposed to be and discovering what kind of bottom you actually are. The way you are feeling right now actually isn't it. :-)

[subbytch]

12 hours ago, blackmore said:

I am 46,  I also suck at it.  I have never even taken a known load. I have only bottomed once and while I think he seeded me he says he didn't.

I have a lot of fantasies of being a bb cum slut but my reality is different.  I post on CL and then chicken out usually by saying my girlfriend showed up.

Or like last weekend I posted showed at  the site we had chosen stayed for about an hour and never sent him the email or text that I was there.

I have to say that sex isn't supposed to be miserable. (Well, unless being miserable while having sex makes you happy.) If you aren't up for taking loads from anon stranger, don't. If CL hook-ups are failing, then don't have them. If your fantasies of being a cum slut give you pleasure, stick to them. 

If you are deeply in the closet, perhaps it's time to reorganize your life and find a way out. If you are always anxious when you have sex, it might be time for therapy to challenge the anxiety and put it toned. Perhaps you need to save some money and hire a pro for a few times, first to just meet them at your place or a hotel one or twice, then working up to getting them to fuck you on an additional visit. Maybe you need to join some other kind of gay group and see what sex pops up as a result.

There's no -one- way to do this. You get to experiment, without pressure, to find what kind of sexual life works for you.

[CumSlutDamien]

41 here. I find there are stories and porn videos, here and other places, that I find hot and get off to. But, in reality, I value my health too much to actually do those things in person. On the other hand, I am at a place where I do bareback and have taken two loads over the last few years. I enjoy the lack of a condom enough that I am starting PrEP as a way of being proactive and stay healthy as much as I can.

I would also love to be a no-load-refused bottom, but, frankly, I don't think I will ever get over the hurdle of my personal tastes and types of guys. Attractiveness to someone will always play a role. I've tried being ass-up and find myself constantly looking to see who might be coming, then just eventually give up if I know there's no one there I'm into.

[Cali@2012]

On 7/28/2017 at 8:41 AM, AirmaxAndy said:

An interesting and honest post, Rawdawg13.  A lot of what you say chimes with me... 

I've always been been a bit shy and self-conscious. It means I'm reluctant to take my shirt off in a club. If I'm in a play space I am more often in the periphery than the centre. When I saw friends and playmates getting far more action I took a long hard look at why and all I could conclude was a matter of attitude. Let me give an example:

If I saw someone I liked in a cruising place - I might admire from across the room - edge closer - see if there's any body language or if he's noticed me - pick up courage what to do or say - and by the time I've made an approach I usually get a rebuttal or he's moved on and interested in someone else. I watched how my friend Marcus worked similar situations: he was really direct. No messing - straight in there, often on his knees! So I decided to try that approach and yes sometimes you get refused but the success rate was so much higher. In my case it just needed a bit of courage and getting over the possibility of rejection. 

I also looked at how more prolifically successful guys worked the clubs and saunas and in terms of group action they were not afraid to push their way into the centre of an active group and get stuck in. Guys like me watched from the outside and hoped that another guy on the outside might be interested. So I changed my behaviour again and became more assertive in groups to stay in the 'eye of the storm' and be actively involved. 

These things didn't come naturally to me - they still take effort - and are a little easier after a beer. 

The final hurdle was the taking your shirt off thing. I remember going to Cumunion when it was in The Flying Dutchman in London, and was wearing a jock and t-shirt. The guy running the event was chatting to me at the bar and tried very hard to convince me to un-shirt. I did and it made me very self conscious that first time - so much that it showed in my attitude and affected my success. A week later I was at SOP in Central Station and the barman there I knew said much the same thing - you should take your shirt off and show off your hairy chest - so I did. This time I felt less self conscious and got more attention. The next time it didn't bother me at all and it helped a lot. 

The other thing I've noticed is to make your stamp on a place early. If I play early-on in a place where other guys can observe then others who are interested seem to come forwards more readily during the rest of the evening. I've noticed other guys do this - play with someone they know and make an impression early on... 

So for me it's a journey - I'm constantly looking at how guys who are seemingly less good looking but more prolific in the scene behave and adapting my behaviour - even if it takes me out of my comfort zone. 

Good luck

Andy

 

thats great advice and something which will help me