College Boy with Internal Tension

[FunCollegeTwink]

I'm a senior in college at the moment.  I'm an honors student, highly respected among my peers and professors, and will be applying to top PhD programs this autumn.  I'm also a total slut.  As much as I love academics, I love getting fucked bareback just as much - maybe even more.  I love getting bred.  I love getting bred a lot, and by a lot of different guys.  Every time I feel a new guy sliding into my hole, or when I slide into someone new, I feel totally amazing. 

This, in essence, is the source of my internal tension.  I have always been told that I am very smart, and that I have a bright future ahead of me (not to sound arrogant, hopefully), and I legitimately believe that I could do quite well in my field (philosophy).  However, the degree to which I am slutty (which is quite high) leads me to engage in risky sexual practices on a regular basis.  And, quite in fact, the risk in and of itself does not bother me; quite the contrary, I rather enjoy it.  It is adventurous, energizing, and invigorating.  On the one hand, my life is spent in the abstract, dealing with the nature of thought, and issues of philosophy which are (seemingly) divorced from the carryings on of the every day.  On the other, I engage in behavior that is reckless at times, living in the moment and experiencing everything through sex.  Sex which is risky, dangerous to my health - and by extension, possibly, my future - and yet I cannot go without it.  I am not on prep, and I often do not even ask about status - for the most part I do not care. 

Despite how thoroughly I enjoy both of these aspects of my life, there seems to be a tension between them.  My academic life is where I feel most free, and it is what I wish to spend my life doing.  My sexual life, however, remains indispensable.  The sex may very well adversely affect my academic life, and yet I could not do my academics without my sexual life. 

I suppose I just wanted to post this, and see what you all think.  Most of my peers would probably be appalled by my sexual choices, and tell me that I'm throwing away my life for the sake of "mere" bodily pleasure.  While I am not insensitive to this (and quite frankly, I would agree with them to some extent), it is not enough for me to stop, despite the tension that I feel.  I feel like an academic, and I also feel like I am a total slut and whore.  Have any of you ever experience anything like this?  I'd love to hear your thoughts!

[fuckrogerbb]

I think you should get on Truvada. AT least you would be protected from HIV infection. There are many other diseases out there of course.

[FunCollegeTwink]

I've been considering it.  For some reason though, whenever I start to bring it up with my doctor I decide not to.  And I honestly do not know why I always stop.

[FunCollegeTwink]

Honestly though, part of me is seriously considering that I might just be a chaser as well.

[Cumfilledbottomboi]

1 hour ago, FunCollegeTwink said:

Honestly though, part of me is seriously considering that I might just be a chaser as well.

Then you'll be on Truvada sooner or later anyway. So why not "chase" with less risk?

[NLbear]

I can only agree with the others. Get on PrEP. Then you can enjoy both aspects which are important in your life. Although HIV is treatable now it is still not curable. At least you get that out of the way and you can enjoy being a slut without having to worry about that or being poz maybe becoming an issue in your future. You can always make a decision later when you're older.

[bbaremich]

I can sympthasize with you. I am a PhD candidate in biology and I am in my late-20s. I also sometimes think about how intelligent I am (I don't mean to sound cocky) and then think about how reckless I am having totally anon, no questions asked raw sex. 

I finally got on PrEP earlier this year and it has been a fantastic decision. I no longer worry about my status because I know I am protected. I still engage in no questions asked sex with dozens of tops this past year without the worry. I still get tested for other STDs every 3 months as required by my PrEP doctor. 

Don't worry about your internal conflict between your academic life and your sex life. They are two different entities. Enjoy who you are sexually. Enjoy all those men sliding into your raw hole becsuse I sure do  

[bihairy]

And those of us that love sliding inside your holes really appreciate it!  Love being on PrEP.  Now I can enjoy the sex I truly desire.  All the time! Oversexed dad top sex addict that is enjoying myself more than ever before! Its lucky we found this site with all our BB fuck brothers online for support!

[MuscledHorse]

dude, you need to go back and look at the ancients like the Greeks and Buddhists, who understood the duality and unity in the human. Greeks celebrated both the rational Appolonian and the Irrational Dionysian sides of their existence. I have multiple  degrees and do both. Even working on my doctorate i was a sex pig and escorting, though unlike you, i feel way more at home in a group sex environment than the underfunded, underappreciated  publish or perish world of academia, especially here in the USA where intellect is viewed with suspicion and scorn. Embrace you inner beast..i have thousands of sex partners to my name and can still blow a guy away with my big IQ as well as my big cock and hole. ;-)

[justsexnowatl]

He is saying that he is into the risk just as much actually being a bb cumslut, which I do totally get and have talked with many guys on here.  He has considered PrEP, but keeps deciding against it.  It's not stopping him from barebacking and taking stranger's loads.  I fucked raw for many years before PrEP and frequently felt "stupid", especially when I'd bottom or flip with a guy that would let me cum in his ass, but the "rush" from the risk is part of the thrill of barebacking for so many (maybe most).  PrEP is so liberating, and sex is 1000 x better with so many guys fucking raw, no questions asked, but I understand the desire for the thrill of risk.  A big part of the the reason I switched from Truvada to the Descovy study this spring was to take that risk level up a notch.......very likely it is just as effective, but it's not proven, and before having to deal with a butt issue, I was doing my very best to put that Descovy to the test (took quite a few stranger's loads, no questions asked).

You have to make up our own mind, but I wouldn't let your academic side/professional life have anything to do with your sex life.  They are pretty unrelated.  I am an accountant, usually low key, smart, no drugs, have my shit together kinda guy, but fucking love being a sleazy promiscuous ho when the mood strikes, which is kind of often

This is a great site to share these thoughts and hear from others with the same feelings (there are many here!!!!) or just to be able to admit your "twisted" feelings with like-minded guys.  I'm not offering my opinion what you should do, but just confirming you aren't alone.  If you end up on PrEP or poz, you'll most likely be fully liberated, but you do give up that high risk thrill from being a "bad boy" doing what you "know" you shouldn't be doing!  Keep us updated - love hearing young guys slutty stories!!!    

[bbaremich]

8 minutes ago, justsexnowatl said:

He is saying that he is into the risk just as much actually being a bb cumslut, which I do totally get and have talked with many guys on here.  He has considered PrEP, but keeps deciding against it.  It's not stopping him from barebacking and taking stranger's loads.  I fucked raw for many years before PrEP and frequently felt "stupid", especially when I'd bottom or flip with a guy that would let me cum in his ass, but the "rush" from the risk is part of the thrill of barebacking for so many (maybe most).  PrEP is so liberating, and sex is 1000 x better with so many guys fucking raw, no questions asked, but I understand the desire for the thrill of risk.  A big part of the the reason I switched from Truvada to the Descovy study this spring was to take that risk level up a notch.......very likely it is just as effective, but it's not proven, and before having to deal with a butt issue, I was doing my very best to put that Descovy to the test (took quite a few stranger's loads, no questions asked).

You have to make up our own mind, but I wouldn't let your academic side/professional life have anything to do with your sex life.  They are pretty unrelated.  I am an accountant, usually low key, smart, no drugs, have my shit together kinda guy, but fucking love being a sleazy promiscuous ho when the mood strikes, which is kind of often

This is a great site to share these thoughts and hear from others with the same feelings (there are many here!!!!) or just to be able to admit your "twisted" feelings with like-minded guys.  I'm not offering my opinion what you should do, but just confirming you aren't alone.  If you end up on PrEP or poz, you'll most likely be fully liberated, but you do give up that high risk thrill from being a "bad boy" doing what you "know" you shouldn't be doing!  Keep us updated - love hearing young guys slutty stories!!!    

I hear what you're saying. There is definitely a 'thrill' to it. Before I was on PrEP I would go get anon loads and come home and jack off while fingering the loads inside my ass. I would cum and think that that was my final neg load. It never ended up happening for me and finally just got on PrEP after a few poz scares when I would get sick and worry for several days that I was converting, but it didn't keep me from going and getting more loads when I felt better. 

I love hearing other young guys too and how slutty they are. I find myself just wanting to be a hole for the pleasure of another man. Sometimes when I am getting bred by a new, unknown man, I think about how dirty I am while he is fucking me and how I am just a hole to him. That thought gets me rock hard. 

[Read1]

FunCollegeTwink,

Get to your doctor and get on PREP. Worry-free barebacking awaits! Best of luck!

[Guest BBBoyfromTN]

Seriously bro...get on Prep. I was just like you in high school...smart in math and science but just a total slut and kept that side private. Did that after college too and wound up poz. If I were on Prep I'd still have been a slut but probably wouldn't be poz now. Many people are dual natured. Most guys who know me wouldn't guess I'm a slut who barebqcks all the time. They see a kind of goofy dorky guy. That works for me.

[Guest DELETEDD]

10 minutes ago, BBBoyfromTN said:

Seriously bro...get on Prep. I was just like you in high school...smart in math and science but just a total slut and kept that side private. Did that after college too and wound up poz. If I were on Prep I'd still have been a slut but probably wouldn't be poz now. Many people are dual natured. Most guys who know me wouldn't guess I'm a slut who barebqcks all the time. They see a kind of goofy dorky guy. That works for me.

 

@BBBoyfromTN I was the same way man... educated college graduate here who loves bareback sex and always kept that private. Did all thru college and afterwards.... well it finally caught up to me a few years ago when I tested positive. I guess it was more a relief for me as I was not surprised but actually more turned on now know I was a bareback poz slut. But If i woulda been on prep I probably wouldn't be poz now as well. and like you most people wouldn't never guess Im a bareback loving slut  

[bbzh]

I also have a PhD plus 3 other degrees and speak several languages, so I guess that means I am smart too. LOL. And I'm a proud poz slut that takes anonymous loads (but not in groups...more on that below). My very unscientific theory is that people who lead high stress, highly buttoned up lives that require them to be "intellectuals" often have sexual fetishes that they almost need to live out in order to keep their brains from exploding and seeping out.

Regarding PrEP: I'm generally for getting on it, but I wish there was more research out there on the long-term effects of it on the body. The poz guys have to take the drugs to stay alive, but as a neg guy, it would take a lot for me to take a drug to stay neg. What's next? Preventative chemo to stay cancer free?

Some have mentioned above that PrEP won't spare you the other nasties that come with barebacking. That's very true. And while most guys are quick to brag about how many loads they are taking, not enough guys on here talk about the financial cost of having to be regularly treated for STDs as well as the hassle of taking time out of your schedule to see doctors and get treated - or the burden of having to inform your regular sex partners so that you aren't passing infections back and forth to each other. 

My only other advice that I can impart based on my own experience is to think long and hard before attending group sex parties like CumUnion and Biohazard. That's like 1000 times riskier. Yes my dick like yours gets hard at the thought of a room full of horny guys having bareback sex, but the reality is that most people at these parties are not disease free and often don't care about their health or passing along infections to others. I see the parties as a cesspool of infections. Why? Oftentimes, the tops are going from hole to hole without cleaning up in between, which creates near perfect conditions to transmit disease. When I think of the bottoms lined up on the fuckbench, I wonder how many of them really and truly want the diseases that the bottom NEXT to them has. Probably none of them. I got Hep C at one of these parties several years ago and thanks to a clinical trial was able to get cured last year. Otherwise, the treatment would have cost $90k. Hep C is already nasty if you're neg. If you're poz, it can be a nightmare. 

So study hard, work hard and play hard. Just be smart about it.