Bottoms complaining about lack of tops: Fair?

[hungry_hole]

We sometimes hear women complaining of the lack of men to date. But, do bottoms have the right to complain about the lack of tops when by refusing to top a bottom is contributing to the lack of tops?

The usual explanations are that "I was born a bottom" or that "Being a bottom is in my DNA". We know none of them are true. Some bottoms say that because their cock is too small or they cum too quickly they never top and breed holes. I understand that in a one-to-one relationship a bottom may have trouble topping. But what about at the end of an evening at the sauna after taking many loads? Why not look for a hole to breed before going home?

I don't think that bottoms have the right to complain about the lack of tops unless they top once in a while.

[bbaremich]

I will say that there are a lot of bottoms out there, but plenty of tops too that I don’t have too much trouble, on Grindr for instance, finding a raw top. 

Some days it is worse than others. I am 80% bottom and I do top but I like to top only slut bottoms. Mostly if they are preloaded, I am totally topping them. I love muscle bottoms too: my weakness. 

[CigarBear68]

I love topping guys younger than me, esp if they're in their 20's or 30's so they can call me daddy while I'm knocking em up. But with an older guy I do prefer bottoming, as it just seems more natural. Of course, I've fucked older guys also, and told em how much I love my bottom daddy as my cock is in their hole. Lol. Yeah, sex talk can sound corny once the moment has passed. 

I think it's tiresome and boring for a guy to be a complete bottom, but it isn't my business really. I can only choose my own way. 

[ErosWired]

You make it sound as though we’re all actually Vers, but some of us just don’t want to play fair. That’s nonsense, akin to telling a gay man he could take sexual interest in women if he would just put his mind to it.

I am a sub bottom. My libido does not fire up on the thought of penetrating another man - to me, that is a dominant trait, and I do not have a dominant personality. Only on the rarest of rare occasions will another man match my chemistry in such a way that I could fuck him, but almost invariably I simply cannot maintain an erection to do it because it doesn’t flip my switch.

From what I’ve been observing lately, there isn’t actually a shortage of Tops or bottoms - people just aren’t connecting. I go to bathhouses (where, face it, everybody is there for a little action) and I watch men sit around in silence like wallflowers not saying a word to each other, everyone waiting for someone else to make a move, and most of them go home from the meat market dissatisfied and complain that nothing happens there. What’s the matter with these people?

I, on the other hand, am writing this from my hotel in Indy one hour after finishing a marathon gig at the bathhouse where CumUnion was held tonight, and I was fucked *24 times*. This is because I and the Top who very graciously pimped me out took the time to actually talk to people and proposition them. I find that most men, when invited to fuck something, do, if they are the fucking sort. We’re not all the fucking sort. But you’re never going to get into our pants unless you ask.

[NLbear]

You've made that point several times hungry_hole and I understand where you're coming from. But I'm simply not interested in topping. Sure, I can slide my dick in a bottom to cum but I have to fuck him first before I shoot my load. And sometimes I do, but not often. I's not me and it's not what I like. If I even have a load to shoot. A good top can get me off just by fucking me. And even if I haven't cum I may not feel like fucking another bottom. I identify myself as a bottom, not vers. 

[bbzh]

I also identify as a bottom, but the correct term to describe me is versatile bottom. I will top in anonymous situations if I feel like it. I don't ever allow myself to be coerced. In fact, I have noticed that in group situations, I get fucked more if I do some fucking. Versatile guys have it the best because they can just go with the flow.  But I respect those who don't want to flip fuck.

@ErosWired: I do agree with your point that you need to give off a certain energy to fuck. If I am around guys who want to make it work - even if we are not each other's fantasy - we can work something out. But that walking around and sulking because there are too many bottoms or bottoms getting more action than you is for the birds. 

But I agree in principle with what the OP is saying...plenty of bottoms jacking off when they could fuck...kinda like being on a plane and everybody wants the window seats. Somebody is sitting in the aisle, damn it! LOL.

I would fuck more than I do but oftentimes I notice that the bottom isn't 100% clean, which turns me off bottoming for a while. But that's a whole other discussion.

 

[chargedodger]

Don't understand total bottoms...Get that some guys just ARE that way but...wonder if some were turned OFF by some early negative experience?truly verse here,love to top or/and btm.See a skinny twink ass and just HAVE to fuck it.An older hot daddy type makes my asshole twitch at the sight of his hard cock,But a young man with a stiff dick does the same thing for me.And an older guy with a pucker winking at me makes my cock throb....man I am SUCH a SLUT.:)

[atlfukbud]

I've written elsewhere about this, but I think there are definitely preferences for top/bottom along a continuum. In my experience, it takes extra confidence in ones "topping ability" to take on the top role, especially with strangers. Versatility definitely gives one more options for fun. And, a few of my "total bottom pals" have also really enjoyed topping once they actually tried it. Personally, I ❤️ to bottom -- nothing better than feeling an above average dick stretch my mouth/throat and ass open and ride it to passionate breeding . However, I also really enjoy sliding my raw cock deep inside my a warm, welcoming hole, too!  I keep a script of cialis on hand for when I really want to be in top stud mode  -- maybe we can all start playing "the guy with the biggest dick gets to top?"

[ErosWired]

7 hours ago, atlfukbud said:

I keep a script of cialis on hand for when I really want to be in top stud mode  -- maybe we can all start playing "the guy with the biggest dick gets to top?"

This raises another good point - the size-fixated nature of cock consciousness in the gay community might have an effect on who's willing to come forward and Top, at least in group or public venues like bathhouses, where there are comparisons to be made. If a guy is on the fence about whether or not to top, and the guy next to him is Topping with a huge piece of equipment, the first guy may, regrettably and very unnecessarily, feel as though he can't "compete".

Let me be the first to say, loudly, that that is ridiculous. My ass is tighter than any cock is big around, and my ass muscles love nothing better than squeezing down, so every cock fills me up. Some stretch me more, but every one of them fulfills me, no matter the size. Plus, my prostate is only so far in, and even if the cock is too short to reach the prostate, some of you cruel bastards know exactly what you're doing and can bring me to orgasm just teasing my anus with your cockhead (you know who you are, you motherfuckers... don't ever stop).

I've had two or three really breathtaking examples of BBC lately (thank you very much, gentlemen) but my lifetime Best Fucks have been from quite average cocks used by master cocksmen, one just three weeks ago. He, by the way, identified himself to me as a Total Top - "I only Top," he said. "I just love to fuck." Would you complain equally that he doesn't offer up his ass as you would about a bottom who chooses not to Top? If so, you would be a fool; he is a genius at what he does, and should be encouraged to keep doing it exclusively.

I realize this next point may get some pushback; please understand that I don't assume that this is true of the OP, but just a general observation. I sometimes wonder if the plaint that there are never enough Tops is a kind of sideways grumble from bottoms who felt that they did not get their fair share of cock at some event, or have been disproportionately overlooked or passed over online: Akin to the "I wish that was me" post often seen.

Let's take this weekend's CumUnion in Indianapolis. Whether is was successful or not will depend on who you ask. If you ask me, fuck yes. As I mentioned above, I was fucked 24 times. I know I was not the only bottom there; there were at least three other BB bottoms there advertising their presence on BBRTS via QuickConnect ads and via the blackboard onsite... and by being open doors and asses up. (Good work, men.) I have no idea how well hey fared. You'll have to ask them. I do know that one other bottom had some luck, because the man who decided to pimp me out also lined up Tops for him, and let them use him in my room next to me tandem a couple of times. Now, if others did not get as much action as me (and there was plenty of fucking that did not involve me) I can imagine someone might grumble that it was unfair that a bottom was allowing a Top to push other Top traffic in his direction versus other bottoms; that is, the principle of unfair competition in a limited market.

This misses a point. The Top wanted to whore me out. That was his groove. That was what got his mojo on. By making my hole available to him, I provided him a service, which also, incidentally, allowed me to provide service to any other Top who took advantage of it, thus fulfilling my purpose as I understand it. So, if this seems unfair to you, next time, find yourself a Top who wants to whore out your ass, bring him along, and let the Tops compete to see whose bottom can take the most cock. Better yet, have them put us in the same room and make a competition out of it. I guarantee that'll get the cocks pumping. But the thing I'm driving at is that success is the result of an active, not passive, approach.

I have written about this before on other forums, but I'll summarize here; I didn't start any of this until ai was 37, and God knows I'm no Adonis. I'm not athletic, don't fit any of the usual categories of attraction, and have a face made for radio. But I've made up for a lot of lost time and had a hell of a sex life in the last 14 years just because I decided I was going to make it happen. I threw myself out there. I decided I wasn't going to care if men rejected me, I would try and keep trying, and I would never, ever, pretend to be anything other than exactly what I am. That strategy has gotten me richly laid and deeply bred, and has satisfied hundreds of Tops and Doms - I've made damn sure of it, because if they're not happy, I'm not happy. All I'm telling you is that there's nothing special about me - I'm not sexually privileged in any way, my skill with my ass is earned, not inborn. I'm not one of the Beautiful People. If I can do this, anybody can do this. You just have to want it badly enough to do the work to get it. If you wait for it to be handed to you, expect to be disappointed.

But you know, that's life in general, isn't it?

[hungry_hole]

On 2/11/2018 at 5:27 AM, NLbear said:

You've made that point several times hungry_hole and I understand where you're coming from. But I'm simply not interested in topping.

My question here is: Does it make sense for a bottom to complain about the lack of tops when he himself is contributing to the lack of tops?

I have no problem with "total bottoms" but I think is not fair for bottoms to complain about there being so many bottoms. Myself, I prefer to bottom and in fact don't get much out of fucking, so I understand where bottoms are coming from. But I would never complain about there being so many bottoms at the bathhouse because I know that I'm contributing to the lack of tops. That is my point.

[ErosWired]

I know I’m weighing in here a lot, but you’re making me think.     When you say “contributing to the lack” of Tops, in some cases it imples the contradiction of adding more of zero.

It’s also confusing what is meant by “lack” - do you mean the lack of anyone willing to fuck an asshole, or the lack of cocks available for loads? There’s a difference. I enjoy fucks for the fucking; even if he saves himself for another hole, he still had me. In that cas I haven’t contributed to a lack of anything, and have, I hope, encouraged Tops to participate by adding variety to their menu.

I will say that I agree in general that there’s not much point in bottoms complaining about the issue, however. Too many of us don’t really practice the worthy arts of preparation, seduction and performance that make sex irresistible to a Top. This weekend, when I was ass-up at the bathhouse, let my hips sway lightly to whatever music was playing, an one time when I sensed someone pause at the doorway, I flexed my glutes just a *tiny* bit in time with the music so that my hole peeked out. I heard him say, “Whew…” and he was in. Hooked.

Don’t complain, men. Do something about it. It’s fun.

 

[Guest descartes70817]

As a top I never have a shortage of bottoms to choose from, and I see a lot of bottoms who would be great tops if they wanted to be. I know how good it feels when a really hot cock fills your ass with cum but I love filling an ass with my cum much more. I think it helps me remember what bottoms like because I've enjoyed it too, and let's face it the whole point of two men fucking is for the sheer pleasure it gives us both.

[phukhole]

There are men who exclusively tops and men that exclusively bottoms and there are men that do both, depending on mood, chemistry, scene, etc.  I am primarily a bottom.  I find it sometimes difficult to find a "top".  I don't consider myself "adding to the problem", but I DO notice a lot of guys defining themselves as exclusively bottoms.   I make no secret of the fact that I like to bottom (and am damn good at it), but I also top about 25% of the time because the vers guy doesn't want to top or I find a bottom with a hole full of cum or it just shakes out that way when we hook up.  I top about 50% of the time at big events - CumUnion, sex parties, etc because there are ALWAYS more bottoms than tops and most of the time the bottoms there are hotter/younger/bigger bootied than me.  It's a competition at those events/bathhouses. Sometimes I win the cock, sometimes I lose out, but I always get SOME cum in me and I always shoot mine in someone's hole.  Are there times when it feels like every bottom in town is horny and out to get MY tops? Yes. But sometimes I'm one of those bottoms out there getting YOUR tops. It's all relative and I would agree with ErosWired - if you don't make a move, someone else will and THAT bottom will get the worm (as it were).  :-)

[Ranger Rick]

Newsflash: Gay men like to bitch. 

[bbpoznow]

I see were most are coming from   .But I use to top at least 50% of the time.  a couple of years ago  I had radiation for a  prostate cancer. , I am completely cured now  No Cancer at all . But have lost the ability to get a erection.  I would love to top but it don't happen. BUT,  BUT  I do make a great BB BOTTOM now.  I never turn down  a top and never waste a drop. 

So some of us Bottoms have a legitimate   reason for not topping. 

 That said  NOW were are all the tops  that will breed .  none refused