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PART 5:  RYAN EMBRACES HIS PLACE, JARED DESCENDS IN DESPAIR

 

“Going to breed you good.”  Hal’s body pressed Jared into the mattress.

“Do it, Hal. Please.”

Jared groaned as Hal thrust, hard, balls deep into his ass.  Cumming. The twink was so proud he had pleased his lover.   That he was able to get him to cum.

After a few minutes, Hal rolled off of him.  “Fuck.  You need a lot of practice sucking cock, but your boypussy knows exactly how to get me off.”

Jared blushed.  He found this dirty talk embarrassing almost as much as he was aroused by it.   “You feel amazing inside me.”

He rested his head on Hal’s sweaty chest and closed his eyes.   Savouring the closeness. The contact.  The sweat.  The heat.  The heartbeat still racing in Hal’s chest.   He never wanted this moment to end.   “Can I stay with you tonight?”

 

“No.”

 

The word was firm. Definite.  Harsh.

Jared’s body tensed. He looked up to see Hal smiling above him.  A cold smile. Cruel.

“What’s wrong?  Did I do something wrong?”

“You made me feel pretty good actually.  I just got everything I want from you.”

Jared felt like world had gone upside down.   “What are you saying?”

Hal put this palms together as if praying.  “I just really want a guy who is morally pure.   Who saves himself for marriage.”

“What?   Wait, wait, wait…  I was saving myself... I only gave myself to you...because you said you loved me… ?”

“Don’t be so fucking stupid.”  Hal laughed.  “I’m taking the piss.   But I’m not looking to date — let alone get married — to anyone.  Certainly not you.”

Jared felt sick.  Like he had fallen and had the wind knocked out of him.

Hal rolled his eyes.  “I’m feeling charitable, so let me explain the real world to you.  You have one thing to offer guys:  a hole to use and abuse.   Now that I’ve had you, I’m done with you.”

Like finding a missing piece of a puzzle, everything seemed to fall suddenly into place. Some of the things that Hal had said, some of the ways the could act, the moments of cruelty that came out of nowhere… it just made sense.  He had been playing Jared like a violin.  And Jared had let him.

He wanted to be sick.  His eyes were watering up.  But he wouldn’t cry in front of Hal.  He wouldn’t allow him that satisfaction.

He got up from the bed and quickly got dressed.  Not looking to or speaking to Hal. He didn’t even wait for Hal before bolting out of the bedroom and heading for the door.  He was about to close the door behind him when Hal caught up with him.

“You’ll thank me some day.”  Hal said.  “I’ve taught you a valuable lesson. Your whole life you’ve been told fairy tales about god, love, and other bullshit. Time to grow up. Life is hard.  People are cruel. Everyone uses everyone.  Deal with it.”

“Fuck you.” The words tumbled out of Jared’s mouth, white hot with anger.  He hated cussing but, at the moment, he didn’t care.  “You’re an asshole, a sociopath.  Get help.”

Hal rolled his eyes as the door slammed.  These fucking drama queens never took it well.  Oh well... their outbursts always made him laugh.   Still, he had a video from the hidden cameras to edit and get posted for his followers.  With the cunt’s final words edited out.  Of course.

He needed to maintain his image with his followers after all.

 

— MEANWHILE —

 

Ryan could only grunt as Carl’s cock pounded his hole.  The black man was no more gentle with his ass than he had been with his throat.  Ryan was bent forward leaning over a bench.

The reason he could only grunt, however, was that their audience had gotten bored with just watching.  The cock in his mouth was the third since Carl had moved on to his ass. He was feeling more sober, but Carl had been giving him poppers since the fuck started…. so his head was still spinning.

Having just cum down his throat, Carl had lasted a long time.  But now his body tensed and he unleashed his load.  His hips slamming his big cock mercilessly, balls deep, into Ryan’s aching ass.   The slapping of flesh was all but lost in the noise of the club, but the impact was pushing Ryan off his balance.

At last, spent, Carl leaned forward and rested his chest on Ryan’s back.  His eyes watching Ryan work some stranger’s cock in his mouth.

“Damn! Your ass is so tight.”  Carl said into his ear, a smirk on his lips.  “Well... it was.  Not so tight anymore.”

The cock in Ryan’s mouth pulled out. “If you’re done back there, let me in.  Would love to add my load to yours.  I love fucking stupid twinks bare!”

“Bare?” Ryan croaked.  His hand reached back and felt Carl’s cock as it slipped out.  Carl’s very definitely bare cock. He had promised himself he wouldn’t let anyone do that again.  But in the heat of the moment he hadn’t even thought about it.

“Hell yes.”  Carl replied.  “Felt good, didn’t it?”

“Well... yeah. But what about HIV or other stuff?”

“Don’t worry, I’m clean.” Carl couldn’t believe he said that with a straight face.  Sure.  he was “clean”.  He had taken a shower earlier this evening.  He might be HIV positive and unmedicated... but he was “clean”.

“Me too.” The other man said, making sure to hide his own biohazard symbol.

“Come on.”  Carl held the poppers up and Ryan took a big huff.  “Let him fuck you.  You know you want it.”

Ryan paused.  Then nodded.

Carl had barely stepped away from his ass when the other man slipped his cock inside.  Thrusting erratically.  He wouldn’t last long.

Carl moved forward and his lips found Ryan’s.  Their tongues dancing in Ryan’s mouth.  After a moment, however, he moved aside just enough for an eager cock to fill Ryan’s mouth.

“You belong to me now.” Carl whispered in his ear.  “You and I are going to have a lot of fun.  I’m going to show you a whole new world, slut.”

Slut.  Ryan liked that word. He was a fucking slut.  And he loved it!

 

— MEANWHILE —

 

Jared dried the last of his tears. He wanted to cry more but, for now at least, no more tears would come.

He had been halfway through the park when he had finally broken down.  He had come in to this nasty little park toilet to let himself cry.  He had locked himself in the stall and sobbed for... who knows how long.  Now, however, he just felt numb.

How could he have been so stupid?  He had wanted to save himself for someone he loved but instead had allowed Hal to trick him.  First Ryan rejected him for all these year and then Hal treated him like a toy.  A disposable toy.

What the hell was wrong with him?  Why was he unloveable?

His eyes wandered again to the hole that someone had made in the panel that separated his stall from the next one.  You would think the local council would try to fix such acts of vandalism.

The outside door opened.

Jared quieted his breathing as best he could.  Who ever had entered the park toilet went into the stall next to his.

An eye appeared briefly in the hole between the two stalls.  Then the unseen man sat on the toilet.  Jared had heard of gloryholes, Ryan even claimed to have seen one on campus.

The unseen man’s foot tapped his. Jared just stared down at it. Not even thinking about shifting it away.

The unseen person moved.  Stood.  Stepped up to the partition, to the gloryhole, and pushed his cock into Jared’s stall.  Maybe a foot from Jared’s face.  Mouth.

“Come on, cunt. “It’s not going to suck itself.”  The unseen man’s voice was rough. Common. Crude.  It reminded Jared of a porn video on Ryan’s computer once with a bunch of Northern “ruffians”, chavs, and scallys. He hadn’t understood the appear then, but now it was exciting.

Jared had never imagined himself here. In this situation.  It seemed so ... dirty.

 

But...

 

Why not?  Not like he was a virgin anymore,   He had already given that up.  And who would ever know anyway? Who would know what he did?  Here?   In this dark toilet in a secluded part of the park?

No.  That wasn’t enough.

Fuck Hal.  And fuck Ryan.   And fuck every man.  Every one.   They didn’t want love.  They wanted sex. Cock and ass and suck and fuck.

Why keep yourself pure and clean for some mythical future lover?  Even if he exists, all he will want is any convenient mouth or ass?

He slid off the toilet and onto his knees.

Wrapping his fingers around the cock, drawing a sigh from the unseen man. “That’s right, show me a good time.”

Jared learned forward and took the cock into his mouth.  The second cock ever to be allowed to enter.

It tasted so different rom Hal’s.  A little less clean.  Sweat.  Maybe even a bit of piss.   So nasty.   

But that is what guys wanted, right?  Nasty.

Fine.  He would be as nasty as any of them.

He sucked vigourously.  He wanted the other man to cum.  To use him like the hole he was. To baptise him into this new life of sin.  Or pleasure.  (Was there even a difference between the two?)

But after a few minutes the other man pulled his cock out of Jared’s mouth.

Jared looked through the hole.  The other man was stroking with one hand and signalling with the other.  Signalling... to turn around.

As nasty as they wanted.  Fine.

Jared unfastened his belt and his trousers, pushing them down to his ankles.  Faced away from the gloryhole.   Bent over and pressed his ass back against the hole in the partition.

The unseen man pushed forward.  Sliding his bare cock into Jared. Into his hole, still slick from  Hal’s cum.

“Fuuuuuuuuuccck!”  The other man groaned, his thrusts shaking the stalls and echoing in the toilet.  “Take it, you dirty cunt.”

Jared just thrust back against the thrusts.  The way that Hal had taught him.

 

NEXT:   JARED WAKES UP TO UNPLEASANTNESS

Edited by cumluvnbottom
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Just noticed a couple more typos in the most recent chapter... but too late to correct.  Apologies.  

I'm working on the last chapter (or chapters if I split it in two).  As mentioned, I'm hoping to have this story wrapped up by the beginning of next week.

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NOTE:  As I suspected I might, I've broken the finale into two parts.    No sex in this chapter ... more of a narrative / move the story toward the conclusion kind of thing.   I've left the title as originally planned (still kind of fits I guess).  

Anyway, I will get the final final chapter up as soon as possible. 

 

--------

 

 

PART 6:  JARED WAKES TO UNPLEASANTNESS

 

— Wednesday —

 

Jared turned it off the alarm on his phone, rolled over, pulled the covers over his head, and went back to sleep.

He had got back to his room in the student hall at around 1AM and the tears had returned as soon as he closed the door.  Tears only made worse when he thought about what he had done in the park toilet.  He felt filthy.  Ashamed.  Condemned by Heavenly Father.   He had finally fallen asleep around 5.

His sleep was tainted by troubling dreams:  Seeing Ryan in a bar but his friend couldn’t — or wouldn’t — see or hear him.  Old men rubbing their dicks against his butt, whispering they would fuck him as they had fucked Ryan.  The unseen man in the toilet last night fucking him through the stall calling him all sorts of foul names.  And, through it all, Hal kept appearing.  With his smirking face.  And his voice dripping with venom:  “You’ll thank me some day.”

He finally woke again around 11 AM.  He had missed class but couldn’t bring himself to care.

No.  Instead his mind was flooded with misery and remorse.

“What was I thinking?” He moaned aloud.

The sting of Hal’s betrayal felt more distant today, but no less painful.  Almost as painful was the way he himself, in that park toilet, had betrayed everything he was ever taught, everything he believed, everything he had ever told other people to do.

Was he some sort of degenerate capable of such things?  Someone who had fallen so far from god that he would allow himself to be used like that.

“The wages of sin is death….” He quoted.  Romans something or other.  His seminary teacher had drummed that into their heads the year they had studied the New Testament.  Sin separates you from Heavenly Father and being separated from Heavenly Father is death. That lesson had stuck with him.  All these years. Even when he realised and accepted that he was gay.

And now he had wallowed in sin like a pig at a trough.

He picked up his mobile to call the bishop. He needed to confess.  To repent.

But…. wait.

What if he was excommunicated?  Cast out of the Church.

What would his parents say or do?  Would they cut him off?  Reject him?

No.  He needed to stop.  Think this through.

He would confess and repent.  Of course he would.  But… just… not yet.

He put the mobile phone down.  Sunday.  He would talk to Bishop Robinson then.

 

— Sunday —

 

Jared squirmed during the closing prayer.  As he had squirmed through the entirety of sacrament meeting.

He had never felt so uncomfortable sitting in Church.  Not even when he came to terms with being gay.  There was an itch deep in his butt that wouldn’t relent no matter how much he squirmed but he just put it down to shame about what he was about to confess.  And fear about what would happen after.

Sinner.  Degenerate.  Unworthy.  So hard to focus on sacrament meeting over the voices in his own head.  Shouting at him.  Echoing.

“… Amen.” Finally the closing praying ended.   

“Amen.” The crowd echoed.   And then people were up, moving, and leaving the chapel.

Jared sat, waited, letting the crowd thin slightly.  Procrastinating his humiliation for couple more minutes.  The bishop was still on the stand chatting and laughing with his counsellors… so he had time.

Finally, with a sigh, he stood and started making his way forward to catch Bishop Robinson before he could leave.

“Jared….” A very familiar voice called from behind him.

He paused and turned to look at Ryan. He wasn’t sure if he was more relieved to see him, more angry at him, or more surprised.  Ryan hadn’t come to Church since they arrived in Manchester after all.   

“… I’m so glad to see you.”  Ryan finished.

“Are you?” Jared snapped.

Ryan sighed.  “You’ve been avoiding me and giving me the silent treatment for over a week now.  Haven’t I been punished enough?”

“What is it you feel you need to be punished for?”

“Hell if I know…. you tell me.”

“Don’t swear in here.”  Jared scowled.

“I’m sorry, it just slipped out.”  Ryan looked around, embarrassed.  He might not consider himself mormon anymore but the lessons of a lifetime in the church still lingered of course.  When he continued his voice was quieter.   Almost a whisper.  “I just don’t know why you are mad at me.  Is it because I went into the… you know.. the sauna.”

“I’m not sure I want to hear about it. And I need to talk to the bishop anyway.”

“Oh.  I think you’ve missed him.”

Jared turned back to the stand and, as Ryan had said, the bishop was nowhere to be seen.

“Oh hell.”  Jared muttered.

Ryan couldn’t suppress a laugh.

 

— 20 minutes later —

 

“I didn’t LET him… ”  Ryan hissed.  “… I was sleeping and he did it.  I woke up in the middle of it.”  It wasn’t quite the truth, perhaps, but it was what he had chosen to tell himself.  And Jared.

“Oh, Ryan.”  Jared’s face was white.  “I’m so so sorry.  I should have been there for you.  I shouldn’t have assumed…”

“Let’s not talk about it.  I don’t want to think about it.”

They sat quietly for a moment.  Ryan took a sip of his latte.

Another sin Jared’s internal voice noted. but he immediately felt guilty.  He needed to support Ryan, not judge him.

“Let’s talk about your week instead.”

“Oh.  Um.  You know.  Nothing much to say.” Jared wanted to tell Ryan.  Tell him everything and cry on his shoulder.  But he didn’t know how to start.  Ryan would never look at him the same way.   And he didn't think the could take that yet.  

He would tell Ryan soon, he promised himself.  Soon.

 

NEXT:  REVELATIONS   (The finale to this story)

Edited by cumluvnbottom
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  • 3 months later...
On 3/10/2019 at 4:51 PM, Bubtato said:

Are you going to finish this story? Please do! I have been desperately waiting!

Yes, a conclusion is in the works.  Just keep not being happy with it (ramble / wordy / a lot of saying not telling / other stuff.  I will try to force myself to sit at the keyboard and finish it (and then edit it to hell and back... probably still won’t be happy with it but might get it to a point where I’m willing to post it.)

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  • 1 month later...

So... finally!... the conclusion:  

----

PART 6:  REVELATIONS


 — Ryan:  Sunday Evening —

The Bird of Prey was packed this evening, the mass of bodies pushing Ryan closer to Carl.  He didn’t mind.   The room was hot but this man… well, he was even hotter.  

Carl leaned again the wall and pulled Ryan’s shoulders against his chest.  His lips tasted the sweat on Ryan’s neck.  And his cock, held tight in his jeans, felt like a steel bar against Ryan’s ass.  

He knew what Carl wanted.  And he wanted it just as much.  But… 

Carl hand reached around and started unfastening Ryan’s jeans.  

Ryan tilted his head back, hoping to be heard over the crowd.  “You are HIV negative, right.”

There was a pause.  “I never said I was negative, boy.”  Just loud enough for Ryan to hear over the crowd.  

Ryan’s heart almost stopped.  He turned around quickly to face the other man.    “But you said…

Carl leaned forward so Ryan could hear him.  “We can’t hear each other here.  Come back to my place and we can talk there.”

The twink nodded and let Carl steer him out of the club.  


 — Ryan:  30 Minutes later —

“Ok.  I get that I could have asked it better.  But you must have known what I meant.”

They were sitting on Carl’s sofa.  Ryan felt sick to his stomach but, strangely, Carl’s arm around his shoulder made him feel better.  

“Of course.  But I also knew you needed help to be the slut you were born to be.  So I helped.”

“But… “

“Shhhh.” Carl’s finger found Ryan’s lips.  “See the problem here is you are letting the prejudices of  your background influence your thinking.  Tell me:  did it feel good to be in a bar of horny men and having them use you? Cum in you?”

“But… “ Ryan started to argue but the look in Carl’s eyes quieted him down.  He sighed.  “Yes.  It felt good.  I felt free.”

“Because, deep down, you know what you are.  What you are born to be.”

“A slut.”  Ryan whispered. 

“A slut.” Carl agreed.  “A cum dump.  And that means that, sooner or later, you are going to get the bug.  Again, I’m just helping things along.”

Ryan said nothing.  Carl’s big arm felt so good around his shoulder.  He could smell the faint hint of sweat coming from the man’s armpit.  It smelt so good.  He just wanted to bury his face in there and lick in clean. 

He had to admit that he had felt so good in the nightclub.  It HAD felt SO right.  And, really, hadn’t he already made his decision that night?  

He looked down at Carl’s crotch. Hard.  Waiting.  Ready.  He reached out his hand to rest against that bulge. 

“So, are you going to let me fuck your ass again?  With this big, black cock?  With this POZ cock?”

“Yes.”  Ryan’s fingers began working the black man’s zipper.  Freeing his cock. 

“Yes what, boy?”

“Yes, Sir.” 

“Good boy.”


 — Jared:  Monday Morning — 

Jared groaned as he woke.  

Every night, more dreams.  Sucking.  Getting Fucked.  Begging for more. Back in the park toilet, or with Hal, or with Ryan, or with one of his professors, or some guy he had seen around campus.  

Every morning:  waking with his white briefs filled with cum from his wet dreams.  

He hadn’t actually been back to the toilets since that one night.  It was a sin.  He wanted — needed — to confess, repeat, and be morally clean.  But the dreams were so intense.  So amazing… 

He climbed out of bed walked into the bathroom, pulling down and discarding his underwear as he went.   With a contented sigh he let out his morning pee… 

… ow!  Burning.  Discomfort.  He glanced down.  The head of his penis was covered in some sort of fluid.  Kind of yellow.  

No. 

No.  No.  No!  NO!

He had been so good for so long.  It couldn’t be.  One indiscretion he told himself.  Just one.  It wasn’t fair!  He couldn’t have an STI.  Couldn’t.  


 — Jared:  Wednesday Afternoon — 

Jared slouched on the examination room chair.  He had known what they were going to tell him.  A quick internet search had confirmed his fears.  But it was confirmed:  both gonorrhoea and chlamydia.  And they wanted him to come back in a month or so for an HIV test.  

Strangely, all he could think about was hoping no one had seen him come in to this clinic either to get tested on Monday afternoon or back in today for results.  If anyone he knew saw him here… well… he would just die.  

“So.  You know there are questions we have to ask.” The young man across the table said with a patient and understanding half-smile.  “Do you know where you may have been exposed and contracted the infection?  Particularly sex without a condom.”

Jared’s face flushed red.  “Yes.  Last Tuesday.  I met someone… well.  Not met.  I was… um.  I didn’t plan on it.  Didn’t mean it to happen.”

“It’s ok.  Relax.  Infections like these are very common in people your age.  Don’t worry, we’ll take care of it.”  The other man paused.  “Last Tuesday you say?  Well.  Technically that is within the window for the result to show up.  But only barely.  Any other sexual partners before then?”

“No. Only. …”  Jared scowled.  “There was one other guy.  He was my first.”

“We need to have him come in for testing as well.  It sounds like it didn’t end well.  If you want, we can give you a card to mail to him to let him know.”

The thought of contacting Hal made Jared want to retch.  No.  He wouldn’t be doing that.  


 — Friday evening — 

“… and this is Carl.”

When Ryan had said he wanted to introduce him to “the man in his life”, Jared had not been sure what to expect.  But, whatever Jared expected, it wasn’t Carl.  

He noticed the little details about Carl first:  older — probably almost 30 — the beard, the muscular build, the chocolate skin.  The second thing, almost immediately behind the first was the feeling of a quiet and assured authority in the way he carried himself.  Like someone who was used to being obeyed.  

Jared admitted to himself that he felt a bit intimidated.  

“It’s nice to meet you.” He managed to say.  

Intimidating or not, Carl’s smile was friendly and genuine.  “Great to meet you too.  Ryan has told me a lot about you.”  

“Some of it good, I hope.”

“Some of it good, yeah.  Although…” Carl paused.  “… he said you are still a virgin?  And that you don’t drink?   We may have to revoke your gay card if that’s true.”

He said it with such a straight face that, for just a moment, Jared thought Carl was genuinely disappointed.  Then they all laughed. 

“Well…. maybe not so much of a virgin anymore.”  

Ryan’s mouth dropped open.  “What?   Spill the gossip.  What have you been hiding from me.”

“I met a guy, one thing led to another.”

Ryan looked like he was about to ask a million questions. 

“I’ll tell you about it some other time.”  Jared said quickly.  “It didn’t end well and I don’t want tonight to be about that.”

Carl’s hand rested on his shoulder.  “Men are pigs.  All of us.  Don’t let the assholes get you down.   And, in the meanwhile, congratulations on getting to keep your gay card.”

They all laughed again and Jared felt relieved that it was out in the open. 


 — Jared:  Six Weeks Later — 

Jared felt a bit sick when he walked back to the waiting room.  The clinic wasn’t as busy today, the day he and Ryan had both come in for their HIV tests.  

They had called Ryan in first.  He had been called in a few minutes later.  

Then, the wait.  

They had called Ryan back in for results first.  Jared had been called in before Ryan returned.  

Ryan was there now, waiting for him.  He looked a little pale but Jared couldn’t see the same fear in his friend’s eyes that he himself felt.  

Ryan looked up as he approached.  Their eyes met.  

Understanding.  Acceptance.  

No words were needed, but Ryan spoke anyway:  “You too, huh?”

Jared nodded.

“Welcome to the club, I guess.  Let’s go get a coffee and then I need to call Sir and tell him the news.”

“I still don’t understand your relationship.” Jared whispered as they left.  “But I’m a bit jealous of it right now.”

“You’ve always been jealous.”  Ryan whispered back with a quiet laugh. 

Yeah.  Jared thought to himself.  But now I’m not jealous of Carl getting you.  I’m jealous of you having Carl. 


 — Jared:  That evening — 

It was dark now.  The sun had gone down a couple hours again and Jared was still walking.  He just didn’t feel like going home yet.  

Ryan hadn’t wanted to leave him but Jared had insisted.  He just need time to think things through.  No, he assured his friend, he wasn’t going to hurt himself.  Yes, he had promised, he would call in the morning.

Now what?  That was the question he kept coming back to.  

He hadn’t been to Church in a month.  He kept finding reasons not to go.  Excuses really.  He knew them for what they were.  He should go back this Sunday he told himself.  He missed the stability the Church had always provided but it seemed distant to him now. 

But he he hadn’t had sex again either.  He wanted it.  He dreamt about it.  But he abstained.  Part of repentance was not repeating the sin.  So no more sex.  

Not since that night.  In the park.  

The park.  He looked around.  He was in the park now.  And there.  Just ahead.  The little building with the park toilet.  His wandering feet had brought him here.  Of all places.  

He should go.  Go home and pray.

But he didn’t.   He opened the door and walked into the men’s toilet. The room smelled like man sex.  Sweat.  Cum.  He filled his lungs with the heavy air like a drug.  

He entered the stall, locked it, and sat down on the toilet. 

He was just thinking, he told himself.  This was a quiet place.  As good as any.  But there was the glory hole. He stared at it like he was looking into the maw of hell.  

He wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting there when someone else came in.  They tried his stall and then entered the one next to it.  He could see them, or at least the shadow of them, through the hole.  

He knew what was coming.  There was no question about what the other man would do.  Only about what he would do in return.

And, yes, there it was. A cock coming through the hole.  It was big and a bush of ginger pubic hair surrounded it.  He could even make out a scorpion tattoo on the hip.  Probably POZ then.  Like him.   

His brain still struggled.  And argued.  But his body knew what to do.  He had, after all, done this once before.  

He unfastened his jeans, let them fall.  Pushed his underwear down.  Turned his ass to the hole.  Leaning forward to get the angle right.  Rubbing his spit on his hole and on the cock.   

And, as he had done weeks ago, backing up onto this stranger’s cock.   Letting it push inside him.  

The faceless stranger moaned in the next cubicle.  “Fuck yeah, fag.  Give me that ass.”

Jared moaned back his own wordless reply.  

But words didn’t matter.  He had  made his decision about who and what he was.  About what came next in his life. 

And he had no regrets.  

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