Gaydar or picking up the right Signals

[Guest FinalDL2021]

A few weeks ago, I met this guy at the Gym, who I have become casual friends with.  right when we first met, he came up and said that I looked like a runner, which I am. He said he is into running to, as well as working out. We have been going on runs together, and sharing workouts at the gym, but nothing other than that. It would be great if he was gay / Bi  and gradually coming on to me, but if he's not, he would still make a good running partner and friend. is there any way to tell, without asking or blowing my own cover, and risk wrecking, what might be just a good friendship?

[bbzh]

Find a way to come out without making it into a thing. For example, instead of saying "I'm gay", say something like "I used to go to NY a lot with my ex. He was really into Broadway shows." Or whatever else you want to say. Then the workout buddy knows what's up and you can relax. And he knows you are available.

I'm not sure how old you are, but one of the things I have learned as I age is to stop getting worked up over potentially heterosexual men just because they show me a little attention. Yes we are sexual beings but not everything has to be about sex. Gay men can benefit immensely from having straight male friends. And who doesn't want more genuine friends in their life? 

The way I see it, there are a few scenarios here:

1) keep him as a friend/workout buddy (no sex); no risk at all here

2) come on to him and get rejected; perhaps no more friendship 

3) fuck him but then things could get complicated and mess up your relationship 

4) it becomes a real relationship and you live happily ever after together

I guess you have to decide what you really want and what you are willing to risk to get it. By the way, I had the same thing happen to me a couple of years ago and I chose scenario 1. We are still friends to this day. Yes I would fuck him but I'm proud of myself for not pushing it. Besides, I get plenty of dick so I don't have to have his. ?

[Guest BBBoyfromTN]

For me at least a good friend I have things in common with is rarer and more valuable than a fuck buddy. I have quite a few casual acquaintances for sex but very few good friends like your runner at the gym. Why would you want to potentially fuck it up by making a move? If he was into you sexually he would have made a move or is too timid to do it. Either way you're going to scare them off. The likely bet is he's straight and oblivious to you being gay. He might be "straight but not narrow" but maybe not. Easiest thing to do is drop a not so subtle hint or ask him what he's been up to. That'll give you some clues. If he says "my GF and I went to see Black Panther" then you know he's straight. Of course he might not be dating. You could ask "so, is your GF into running too?" That would get you to the same point and show your interest in knowing more about him.

[ErosWired]

19 hours ago, NegToPoz2018 said:

It would be great if he was gay / Bi  and gradually coming on to me, but if he's not, he would still make a good running partner and friend.

If you think there’s a chance he may be gradually coming on to you, perhaps a little patience will settle the issue. He was, after all, forward enough to approach you in the first place, so it’s unlikely that he’s socially timid.

As other have suggested, you might take advantage of opportunities to make offhand, relatively neutral comments to test for his position on sexual orientation - for instance, if you happen to see another pair of men running together, speculate on whether they might be a couple. Or if you see a man running in “daring” attire, speculate on whether he has an alternate agenda besides his health. Or comment at “random” how you’d been doing an online search about running and stumbled on an article about streakers - men who dash around naked (do your research first). If the offhand comments fail to spark conversation, or worse, reveal any level of anti-gay bias, then you’ll know not to advance.

If, on the other hand, he agrees that the two runners are probably barebacking each other and he wishes he coud watch, or comments that the guy in the daring shorts has a sweet ass, or replies to the comment on streaking with, “Dare ya”, you may want to accidentally lose your footing and stumble into the bushes...

[mblad99]

This one is easy, start making comments about guys in the gym.   Like, that guy has nice biceps, etc.    Then, after awhile,  switch it up a little, he has a toned ass, or something.    See what his reaction is.  Let him know you check out guys, see if he does the same.

[Guest Upstateguy518]

I have guys come onto me all the time. Its a game of sorts and fun to play. I think you should just kind of tease it. Make a comment about a guy's body and go from there. If you're at the gym, Make go nude in the locker room or wear some revealing shorts. I'm sure he will take the hint. 

[Guest FinalDL2021]

On ‎6‎/‎4‎/‎2018 at 11:08 PM, bbzh said:

Find a way to come out without making it into a thing. For example, instead of saying "I'm gay", say something like "I used to go to NY a lot with my ex. He was really into Broadway shows." Or whatever else you want to say. Then the workout buddy knows what's up and you can relax. And he knows you are available.

I'm not sure how old you are, but one of the things I have learned as I age is to stop getting worked up over potentially heterosexual men just because they show me a little attention. Yes we are sexual beings but not everything has to be about sex. Gay men can benefit immensely from having straight male friends. And who doesn't want more genuine friends in their life? 

The way I see it, there are a few scenarios here:

1) keep him as a friend/workout buddy (no sex); no risk at all here

2) come on to him and get rejected; perhaps no more friendship 

3) fuck him but then things could get complicated and mess up your relationship 

4) it becomes a real relationship and you live happily ever after together

I guess you have to decide what you really want and what you are willing to risk to get it. By the way, I had the same thing happen to me a couple of years ago and I chose scenario 1. We are still friends to this day. Yes I would fuck him but I'm proud of myself for not pushing it. Besides, I get plenty of dick so I don't have to have his. ?

I like Option One, and that is the way I am going to  play it.

[Guest FinalDL2021]

The guy at the gym just turned out to be a casual friend. 

This is still a topic that intrigues me, especially now that I identify as being gay.  I always have heard how gay men have suble ways of communicating their interest in one another, or allowing other gay men to know that they are available, an example I am aware of, is an earring in the left ear for instance.

Before I run the risk of sounding conseited, I view myself as a 6 on a good day, out of 10. However, I seem to have a look that has always attracted gay men. I am str8 acting, and in the middle ( not too fem, yet not a Dom either) I have always been in good shape, through my interest in sports, otherwise, not a fanatical gym rat. My dress is casual-preppy, and wear my hair short-mid length cut, and my only facial hair, is usually a mustache. Is there something there that attracts you as a gay man?

i have always been nostalgic,  regarding approaches to connecting with other men. If we where to click it would be nice to go out and have a drink, get to know each other, before going further. I guess I miss the good old days before dating apps.