Is being poz as exciting once you get it?

[NYBBGUY58]

I can only speak for myself: it wasn't exciting in the least. Of course, I was diagnosed early on before there was any effective treatment, so it was very anxiety producing to say the least. Having HIV changed my life in all sorts of ways that I couldn't have known about prior to experiencing it., both for the better and the worse.  Sorry if my answer is disappointing...

[PozBearWI]

9 hours ago, NYBBGUY58 said:

I can only speak for myself: it wasn't exciting in the least. Of course, I was diagnosed early on before there was any effective treatment, so it was very anxiety producing to say the least. Having HIV changed my life in all sorts of ways that I couldn't have known about prior to experiencing it., both for the better and the worse.  Sorry if my answer is disappointing...

I must be missing something.  Why would your answer be disappointing?  It echos well the majority of posts in the Whats it like to be Poz section of BZ.  Substitute any other infection and would one still be chasing if they can avoid?  Sure, yes of course, some would inexplicably do that.  But at this point in AIDS history; it just makes no sense.  

 

[NEDenver]

Well, I just had to do an off-cycle blood draw and they only took 1 vial instead of the usual 8-10, so that was exciting.

[EricX]

12 hours ago, NYBBGUY58 said:

I can only speak for myself: it wasn't exciting in the least. Of course, I was diagnosed early on before there was any effective treatment, so it was very anxiety producing to say the least. Having HIV changed my life in all sorts of ways that I couldn't have known about prior to experiencing it., both for the better and the worse.  Sorry if my answer is disappointing...

You shouldn’t be for disappointing anyone. Your answer is your truth, and we need to see that different people have different experiences. 

[London1281955]

I wouldn’t say I was excited when I got it but accepted the risk abs k ew the risk of taking it raw unprotected. However o got used to it abs find sex better and more open minded.

[a2malways]

On 3/1/2022 at 3:52 PM, rockhard801 said:

I got some temporary biohazard tattoos and applied one to my lower back before my visit.  So it was obvious to all who saw me there.  I am not sure if it was because the bathhouse had only just reopened so there was pent up demand, me just being more relaxed than ever before, the tattoo or a combination of them but I broke my record for number of loads taken in one visit.  

Where did you get the temporary biohazard tattoos? I'm also a bottom in Toronto.

[120DaysofSodom]

Stigma still exists. That will definitely change some things. Also, changing jobs, losing your insurance, moving to different states, keeping your medication up to date should you do any of this, is also going to be a factor in your life. Youll have to manage a lot more.

[ErosWired]

I despise this topic being in the HIV and Sexual Health section because the title basically begs the ignoramuses to crawl out if the woodwork and regurgitate still more pro-pozzing blather as if it were an equally valid point of view, just another lifestyle choice like deciding how to wear your hair, instead of a question that bears on the health of not only the individual but every person the individual has intimate contact with.

Statements along the lines of “I’m now enjoying fucking freely in my permanent pursuit of pleasure” or “I got a prescription for PrEP but didn’t bother to fill it because there’s no need - I’m now free to be fucked by everyone” make me grind my teeth. Permanent pursuit of pleasure? No need of prevention because you’ve arrived at Shangri-Fucking-La? This is what is going to happen - you’re going to fuck and celebrate how glorious it is to be poz, and fuck some more, and tell everyone how lucky you are… and then one day, out of the blue, you’ll get a headache.

Or a cough.

And that headache or that cough will get bad enough that you have to go to the doctor. And the doctor will check you out, and his brow will crease, because this is no ordinary headache, no ordinary cough. They’ll run a few tests. Then they’ll run a few more. Then you get a fever, and the doctor decides you need to go to the hospital. By this point the headache feels like hammers in your skull.

After a couple of days in the hospital, where you’re hooked up to IVs, you wake up to find a row of specialists at your bedside. They say, “Sir, we’re sorry to have to tell you that you have AIDS. Your immune system has been decimated and you are suffering from fungal meningitis. We will do what we can to save you. Right now, you must go to have fluid drained from your spine.”

What? How can that be? You’re poz! You’re free! You’re permanently in the clear to live it up, and fuck every day with abandon, living every day as though it were your last.

Well, guess what.

That night, you have a stroke, brought on by the fungal meningitis that you got because the HIV you wanted so much ate your body’s defenses down to nothing.

Maybe you don’t survive the stroke.

Maybe you do, but you can’t walk straight, or talk right, or sign your own name anymore, or remember how to finish sentences when you’re talking.

But hey, you’re alive. You get to go home. But things aren’t the same. You feel like absolute shit, you have no energy at all, and that sweet toned ass you were so keen to show off loses its tone because you just can’t exercise - you have no energy, and you’ve lost your balance.

You wanted permanent? Sweetie, you’ve got permanent now, big-time. The damage to your body you get to live with from now on. No need for pills? Au contraire, mon frére - now you must take your ART pill every fucking day without fail, or the poz you wanted so much will take any opportunity it can get to pick up right where it left off killing you.

And then you get shingles, because your body forgot you had chicken pox as a kid.

And your junk gets covered with molluscum for months, which nobody with a healthy immune system gets because a healthy immune system can beat molluscum easy. You just don’t have one. In fact, you’re going to have to get quite a few vaccinations just to cover the absolute minimum that an immune system has to do until your body fights its way back to some kind of immune competence. Which could take months. Or years.

You’ll see a lot of doctors, and you’ll see them often. Hope you’ve got good insurance and a really understanding employer, because you’re going to need some time off work. Like, a lot of time off work. Depending on how bad the stroke was, maybe permanent time off work, but hey - you’re all about permanence, right? So bonus!

Fast-forward a few years. Maybe you’ve recovered most of the function you lost from the stroke, but your body will never be what it used to be. Neither will your immune system, which has struggled to get close to what would be the minimum normal for anyone healthy. You get sick a lot. You have to be careful.

You’re back to fucking - hey, why not, you’re poz! Free as fuck to indulge in your permanent search for pleasure. Except you get tired more easily, and your body isn’t as attractive and never will be again, and in the back of your mind every evening, you think Don’t forget to take your pill.

Because now, you never, ever, ever forget that you are HIV Positive. It’s with you always, and most of the time there’s not one thing sexy about it. It’s the millstone around your neck you can never take off.

And as if it weren’t bad enough that you’re willing to do this to yourselves, some of you are perfectly willing to irresponsibly pass your contagion on to others because you can’t be fucking bothered. Worse still, there are sick, psychopathic motherfuckers who want to intentionally inflict all of that on somebody else. If you are one such person, please, please go straight to hell. I mean, why wait?

And can we please dispense with that ridiculous tripe about how anybody who walks into a bathhouse has to expect to be exposed to pozzing? NO, We DON’T. These arguments are nothing more than apologists for giver/chasers who believe they ought to be allowed to indulge their insane fetish in the population at large, and infect people at random in a setting where they are at their most vulnerable. Yes, when I go ass-up at a bathhouse I’m aware of and accept the risk that STDs may be in circulation, but there is no reason that the community has to tolerate the inflicted harm - not risk, inflicted harm - of untreated poz men who either by negligence or intent pass on their disease to the unwary.

Another poster above apologized that his answer might not be exciting. You’re not getting an apology from me. What you just read is what I’ve lived. No, it’s not fucking exciting. Learn the difference between reality and fantasy before it kills you.

[BannedWord]

8 hours ago, ErosWired said:

I despise this topic being in the HIV and Sexual Health section because the title basically begs the ignoramuses to crawl out if the woodwork and regurgitate still more pro-pozzing blather as if it were an equally valid point of view, just another lifestyle choice like deciding how to wear your hair, instead of a question that bears on the health of not only the individual but every person the individual has intimate contact with....

...Another poster above apologized that his answer might not be exciting. You’re not getting an apology from me. What you just read is what I’ve lived. No, it’s not fucking exciting. Learn the difference between reality and fantasy before it kills you.

Thank you.

This is why I love your posts. It's that dose of cold water in the face in the morning that's needed in these discussions. I wish there was a way to pin this to the top of this post.

I go the the Back Room and expect to see guys waxing poetic about the experiences of HIV conversion, and a certain level of fantasy around it, but I appreciate the dose of reality and accuracy this response provides as a rebuttal to all of that. And we all need to hear that. Especially others like me who don't have the experience of living with HIV and the associated health outcomes of it. So thanks, @ErosWired, for the insight. 😃

[ErosWired]

2 hours ago, TheSRQDude said:

I go the the Back Room and expect to see guys waxing poetic about the experiences of HIV conversion, and a certain level of fantasy around it, but I appreciate the dose of reality and accuracy this response provides as a rebuttal to all of that.

That’s why I never go to the Back Room. I know it’s there to let the people with their lunatic fantasy revel in it, and anything I would have to say would be inappropriate there - and I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from saying it. So I keep it to the health forum, and hope that just maybe talking about what I’ve been through will spare someone else from the same.

[NWUSHorny]

It is not exciting in the least! I recommend finding a less destructive fantasy.

[Guest]

I would say it’s rather liberating. I only fucked raw and I enjoyed breeding and getting bred but after each sex I’d get worried for a few days and shame myself for what I did. And every hiv test drove up my anxiety level worrying if someone lied about their status. Prep isn’t common in my country and I wasn’t able to afford prep nor really did I consider to add that expense and I didn’t plan to start fucking with a condom on either. When the doctor told me I was poz, I went through an emotional roller coaster, I was sad at first, then relieved bc I no longer need to worry, and then I realized every drop of cum my balls make will always be dirty and tainted with hiv and will never be clean again, I got hard right on the chair while my doctor was trying to calm me down. Had to cover my hard dick so he wouldn’t think I was a freak. 

Now I don’t think my life has changed much besides when I have sex I don’t lie about my status to the guy I’m hooking up with. Some guys freak out and some are cool with it. Getting rejected doesn’t bother me that much now. And thankfully I have many supportive friends behind my back, some are poz and some are neg but they make sure I don’t feel bad for being poz. 
 

Once i got over the self doubt after all it’s who I am and what I will be for the rest of my life and I didn’t want to live in shame and depression, I get to enjoy raw sex to the max without worrying and I can try some more twisted and sleazy stuff that I’d have never tried before so it’s liberating to me. Like sometimes when a guy asks me to give him my poz loads to knock him up, I’d get so excited and happy that my balls now make poz cum and more than willing  to dump my dirty loads in his hole as deep as I can. And when someone tells me they’re gonna recharge my hole with their poz cum, I’d be happy to accept too since taking loads is what poz holes are for and it shouldn’t have the right to refuse any. 

[ffWhole]

On 12/18/2018 at 8:30 AM, tighthole64 said:

Still negative here, but a few years back, I was pretty sure that I had the fuck flu.  Turned out I did not.  From my experience, just thinking I was gifted was exciting as hell.  I was a bit nervous when I was tested, and honestly wasn't sure how I would react when I got my results.  It was at this point that I decided to chase.  I just wanted to get it over with and convert, and become more of a cumdump pig, not caring or worrying about sex anymore.

I'm close to that point as well... Still using PrEp when I have sex and stop after a couple of days after my last sexescape...

[Ieatcumholes]

While I agree that becoming poz was liberating (and have discussed that in other threads), being poz is as exciting as having diabetes, high cholesterol or high blood pressure - it's something I live with.

[leatherpunk16]

10 hours ago, Ieatcumholes said:

While I agree that becoming poz was liberating (and have discussed that in other threads), being poz is as exciting as having diabetes, high cholesterol or high blood pressure - it's something I live with.

I don't mean to contradict, but let's look at this differently. 

You're medicated, ya? You don't live with HIV - it lives with YOU. You are the one who suppresses it and keeps it under control, and it doesn't control you. I think this would be a more positive mindset (pun intended).