Guest Humanurinal Posted December 18, 2018 Report Share Posted December 18, 2018 I don't consider myself gay, I consider myself a faggot. it was pointed out to me that I was born and bred specifically to be a faggot to serve and worship men and their cocks. I have no purpose in life no dreams or hopes or desires for anything for myself. My life revolves around exclusively making sure that men are able to ejaculate and take out any anger they have and sexual needs on me. I have been fantasizing about being pozzed for several years and it grows stronger and stronger. I tried to suppress it I tried to keep it down and it grows deeper and stronger. I have met three different men who wanted to convert mean. The first one did not take. About four years later I let another man try but he talked me out of it by telling me all the terrible health side effects. And then about another three years later, the next man talked me out of it. He told me about all of the herpes viruses in the sores in the infections in the constantly being sick and it just sounded so miserable and he showed me all his sores and all the pills he was taking. So here I am now, it's 7 years later and I'm still craving it and I'm still thinking about it and I'm still talking about it. People say it's not the death sentence that used to be. There are no medications you can take to prevent you from getting it. so then I think, do I still want it? Is it really that exciting for me anymore? And the answer is still, yes. And I don't understand why but, the idea of being bred... A man taking control of my body in my life and my future and forever changing it...... Gets me rock hard. The logical side of me says what the fuck are you doing dude? But the rest of me says, fucking do it get it over with and live the life you were meant to live. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Cle216fkr Posted December 18, 2018 Report Share Posted December 18, 2018 The fantasy is very different from the reality. Medical bills alone are life changing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Humanurinal Posted December 18, 2018 Report Share Posted December 18, 2018 I appreciate your honesty. I wish I knew what makes this burning need inside of me to wanna get it. I don't understand where it comes from. I don'teven understand where the idea came into my head. It just showed up one day and it hasn't left. I used to work with a guy who had HIV. He was constantly sick and when he had a herpes outbreak it was a nightmare. He lost lots of weight. He had so many health issues. And I see guys on the site that glorify it as being something magical and it feeds that desire I have all over again. I appreciate guys like you because you tell it like it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evilqueerpig Posted December 18, 2018 Report Share Posted December 18, 2018 You started this thread with the statement that you consider yourself a faggot, born to serve the desires of men, so are you entitled to have your own desires? I prefer to call myself QUEER, because it's "in your face" and the same can be said for my "POZ" status. As someone who's NEVER had a condom on/in me and rarely if ever mentioned status, you can say I wasn't consciously chasing HIV, but I did nothing to avoid it. My diagnosis didn't change me, but it did free me from wondering if or when. To this day, I live my life with no apologies and no regrets. Ultimately, you will decide what is right for you. 3 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest GoneFishing Posted December 18, 2018 Report Share Posted December 18, 2018 1 minute ago, evilqueerpig said: You started this thread with the statement that you consider yourself a faggot, born to serve the desires of men, so are you entitled to have your own desires? I prefer to call myself QUEER, because it's "in your face" and the same can be said for my "POZ" status. As someone who's NEVER had a condom on/in me and rarely if ever mentioned status, you can say I wasn't consciously chasing HIV, but I did nothing to avoid it. My diagnosis didn't change me, but it did free me from wondering if or when. To this day, I live my life with no apologies and no regrets. Ultimately, you will decide what is right for you. DITT☣️❗️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pozlover1 Posted December 18, 2018 Report Share Posted December 18, 2018 No reason to hold back at this point 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looking4Pozzing Posted December 18, 2018 Report Share Posted December 18, 2018 Still neg here despite what I do.. But when it happens to me it happens there will be no regrets just a new chapter in life... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hotguy02 Posted December 18, 2018 Report Share Posted December 18, 2018 I'm in a similar situation. I have a top daddy breeder that recently was diagnosed poz. We have been having sex for about 15 yrs. Always bareback. He was always neg. Recently he tested poz amd I'm like u. I wamt it but then I chicken out. My top daddy told me to face my fears. So tomorrow we are supposed to have a date and I asked him to poz me and he said yes. So hopefully after tomorrow I'll have his DNA 8 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tighthole64 Posted December 18, 2018 Report Share Posted December 18, 2018 Still negative here, but a few years back, I was pretty sure that I had the fuck flu. Turned out I did not. From my experience, just thinking I was gifted was exciting as hell. I was a bit nervous when I was tested, and honestly wasn't sure how I would react when I got my results. It was at this point that I decided to chase. I just wanted to get it over with and convert, and become more of a cumdump pig, not caring or worrying about sex anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leatherpunk16 Posted December 18, 2018 Report Share Posted December 18, 2018 13 hours ago, Humanurinal said: I appreciate your honesty. I wish I knew what makes this burning need inside of me to wanna get it. I don't understand where it comes from. I don'teven understand where the idea came into my head. It just showed up one day and it hasn't left. I used to work with a guy who had HIV. He was constantly sick and when he had a herpes outbreak it was a nightmare. He lost lots of weight. He had so many health issues. And I see guys on the site that glorify it as being something magical and it feeds that desire I have all over again. I appreciate guys like you because you tell it like it is. You sound a lot like me. I'm looking over the fence these days, and the logical part of my brain tells me not to do this. But my dick is super hard just thinking about what a weapon I have here, and all the fun things I can do with it once it's charged up. I am not actively chasing, but my subconscious appears to be. The angel on my shoulder is protecting me from going there, but the devil on the other shoulder is jacking off to the idea of pursuit. It's a disease, bro. You may have the benefit of great sex, but why can't one enjoy that without getting sick from it? You enjoy being sick? I don't. I don't do well with sick, because when I'm down with a flu or whatever, I barely function. It takes away from your life and things you'd much rather do. On BZ, we talk about getting pozzed like it's this wonderful thing, and while it improves the sex life of many, there are many many more who wish they didn't have it and the medical bills that come with it. And the stigmas that still exist. The stories in the fiction section are just that - stories. That's not how real people live. You don't have to be a character in one of them, no matter how glamorous their lives seem. 6 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 18, 2018 Report Share Posted December 18, 2018 14 hours ago, Humanurinal said: I appreciate your honesty. I wish I knew what makes this burning need inside of me to wanna get it. I don't understand where it comes from. I don'teven understand where the idea came into my head. It just showed up one day and it hasn't left. I used to work with a guy who had HIV. He was constantly sick and when he had a herpes outbreak it was a nightmare. He lost lots of weight. He had so many health issues. And I see guys on the site that glorify it as being something magical and it feeds that desire I have all over again. I appreciate guys like you because you tell it like it is. This is very much like my situation, have been taking bare back since back in my mid 20's here, but up til the beginning of 2016, was always questioning and being as safe and as cautious as possible with partners. I always knew the risks of being stealthed and even was stealthed at least once that I know of, but was fortunate and still remained neg through it all. Now I might not have been quit as active as many here have in all those years, but none the less, it was all bare with the exception of a very few times, so it is very likely that there were a few poz loads in there somewhere and the thoughts always scared the hell out of me at the time. One day there in early 2016, it came out of the blue and struck me, kind of as it did with you, from that point on it has pretty much become an obsession that I cain't get out of my mind and escape from. Thus in the beginning of 2016, I let go and began taking any cock and cum without questions and became accepting that one day or the other, sooner or later, it will happen, and I will just be and have to be accepting of it when that day comes. That in itself was a thrilling moment and gave me a limited and certain amount of freedom, and now it seems also a bit of challenge to just see how long I will go before it actually happens and I do poz up. As far as being a full on chaser, I don't really consider myself full fledged and committed at this time, but rather just open to and accepting of it, and that it will happen sooner or later. Although, with that being said, I will admit, that I've really seriously thought of seeking a known pozzer and taking a few known HVL loads and allowing nature to decide it's course if it is to be or not to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Humanurinal Posted December 18, 2018 Report Share Posted December 18, 2018 Damn..... I can't thank you guys enough for your openness and honesty. I really related to everything each of you is saying. And leatherpunk16, that's a really good analogy. Yes, I am a big baby when I get the flu. I don't function I don't feel good nothing gets done and I can't wait for it to get over with him once it's over with, I swear I'll do everything in my power and never get the flu again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loveitraw Posted December 20, 2018 Report Share Posted December 20, 2018 Lots of answers coming through on this one and I guess thats to be expected. Ask any room full of people anything and you’ll get as many opinions as there are heads to ask. That’s why I love it here. It isn’t cut and dried. There are no right answers. Slightly more of a rambling start than I meant but hopefully you’ve stuck with it this far. I wouldn’t say I was excited when I was told about my status; but then I wasn’t distraught or depressed either. It was a thing that was unexpected at the time but not altogether shocking considering my life choices. After a while of sorting things and getting my shit together I will say I have found a degree of liberation. In everything. I don’t get stressed out by the same minor stuff anymore, and as far as the major stuff... well that has kinda already happened. I still enjoy hookups and I’m very happy to take loads without any concerns after. I know there’s still a lot to worry about and I am absolutely conscious of the fact I am far from invulnerable, but I am relaxed in how I deal with things, because....well...fuck it! Everyone is different in their approach to life and how they cope with the random shit that it throws at them. I have found that it isn’t until you come out the other side that you really know who you are. I hope somewhere in between all of these answers is some sense that helps you figure out the truth for you. The important thing is to enjoy whichever path you walk. 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
analluv27 Posted December 20, 2018 Report Share Posted December 20, 2018 Only thing I can stress is if you're going to chase look into your medical coverage if you have it. Will they cover meds and if so how much, also get life insurance now it's easier if you try getting it after conversion but it can get expensive. Get an inexpensive coverage that you could always increase if necessary. I think I've been poz for six maybe eight years and for me it's not that drastically different from life before except I go to the doctors more and I'm more acutely aware of my body. Sex I fluctuate frequently from getting piggy and taking almost any dick offered to the "naw I'm good son" and not hooking up at all Becoming poz may change more your lifestyle than actually yourself and for some people that's the most scary part not sure if you'll deal with stigma or downright discrimination and it's everywhere I've experienced a little off in NYC. But if it does happen know you have people like us online to embrace you and encourage you. I apologize for being long winded but know this whatever you choose it's your life and live best you can 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pozlover1 Posted December 20, 2018 Report Share Posted December 20, 2018 (edited) ABSOLUTELY A GAME CHANGER!!! It’s like owning an Italian car IT MAKES ALL YOUR OTHER PROBLEMS SEEM TO GO AWAY Edited December 20, 2018 by Pozlover1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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