How to be an ethical slut?

[Oldercumslut]

I now officially have a copy of a neg nasal swab for COVID to go along with my HIV, hepatitis and STD printouts.  Worth anything?  Not really.  But it's a start and point of discussion.  I think for me that's going to be the greatest change in my behavior. I may still go with Anon, but I'm going to want to talk to the person first, where now I don't ask anything, just give them the room number and have my hood on.  I think about half the tops have been completely Anon.  I still won't care about their dick size or what color or anything about how they look.  But I will have discussion on the topic.

As I accumulate more information, I'm sure my behavior will change.  I have added a few more psych appointments to discuss my compulsive sexual behavior and need to self medicate with anon bareback sex. (Yes my therapist knows all about my behavior, serves no purpose to see one and keep secrets)

I will get checked monthly like I do now.  HIV every three months but STD every month.  Yes I wear this at work for 12 hours at a time, but fuck bare.  I know this world has gotten really strange.

Sexy looking in my getup aren't I.   🙂

[Oldercumslut]

2 hours ago, blackrobe said:

 

As a sidebar, I'm curious about how submissive bareback sex is considered self-medication. I know that semen exchange has shown a positive effect on mood in some studies, but I'm not sure @Oldercumslutmeans the same thing...

Nope not quite.    🙂. I get a dopamine release with the risk and action.  It's similar to people who cut themselves, etc.  It's an action I tend to do more of when I'm stressed.

[rawTOP]

BTW… The Dutch government is suggesting people get fuck buddies…

https://apple.news/AJRDeMOpmQbSI-YFPgU6rQQ

Which is basically my point of getting a small group of trusted regulars. That will work for some, but not everyone. But every little but helps. 

[And AFAIK, the Dutch haven’t been very good about controlling COVID. In Europe I believe only the Swedes are worse…]

[rawTOP]

22 hours ago, MartyBB said:

Being a sub bttm that loves hoods etc - i do like the idea that my kink may actually be a 'safe' way to have sex....  

Fetish is actually one of the things that got people safely through the AIDS pandemic. Leather bars were super active hot spots. Flogging, mummification, piss, CBT, you name it… It was hot and kinky and pretty awesome. As much as I love breeding, I miss a good BDSM session. 

[lovetobefucked]

Have you REALLY listened to this question and thought it out?  If you really and truly believe that your actions could be the death of someone else how can you justify doing ANYthing contrary to your belief?  The truth is that if you even give the flu to someone with a compromised immune system (no matter what the reason is for that compromise) that they have the potential to die?  That is not any different from SARS-COV2!! Deaths from both the flu and from SARS-COV2 are 98-99% likely to have pre-existing conditions. How well do you really know the person that is fucking you or that you are fucking? There is no such thing as ethics in fucking when you consider that. 

[rawTOP]

8 hours ago, lovetobefucked said:

Have you REALLY listened to this question and thought it out?  If you really and truly believe that your actions could be the death of someone else how can you justify doing ANYthing contrary to your belief?  The truth is that if you even give the flu to someone with a compromised immune system (no matter what the reason is for that compromise) that they have the potential to die?  That is not any different from SARS-COV2!! Deaths from both the flu and from SARS-COV2 are 98-99% likely to have pre-existing conditions. How well do you really know the person that is fucking you or that you are fucking? There is no such thing as ethics in fucking when you consider that. 

I disagree. As I stated initially I interact with very few people, and don’t interact with any high risk folks on a regular basis. 

Ethics, more often than not, is about choosing of the lesser evil. Having grown up in a fundamentalist “just say no” environment — that’s not the answer. Or, put another way, is life worth living if you deny yourself basic pleasures?

As the article about the Dutch pointed out, we’re biologically programmed to need/want sex. The ethical choice in this situation is to not overindulge — to partake just enough to satisfy the need and have live a life that feels like it’s worth living.

You also need to consider the risk vis-à-vis other acceptable risks you take every day. For example, if you drive a car there's a chance you could kill someone. Do you stop driving your car? All things being equal, SUVs are far more likely to kill people than sedans. Do you shame your friends who've bought SUVs? If you hit someone at 20mph there's a 10% chance you'll kill them. At 30mph there's a 50% chance. At 40mph there's a 90% chance. Which speed is the acceptable speed to drive? I picked those examples because the harm is to another person. Yet those are all considered "acceptable risks". Thanks to our Puritan ancestors (of our culture, if not genetically) to judge things involving sex more harshly than things that don't involve sex. But how many people die each year from car crashes when the driver didn't really need to make the trip or was going faster than really necessary? How is that different than going on a hookup where there's a small chance you might infect someone else with COVID?

[Rubberbanned]

I fully agree with your points, @rawTOP. I got bred by two guys last week, but these are guys I really trust. We've known each other for quite some time. We were honest about our risk factors (we had to move our meetup the first time because a COVID case popped up in one of the guys's condo and he wanted to isolate himself first). No kissing and spitting like we usually would. Masks were removed only to suck dick. And alcohol was on standby for periodic hand sanitation. We dared not invite so many other guys like what we usually would to limit our contact with others.

[rawTOP]

 ^^^ this ^^^ looks like a great risk reduction strategy. (The anal bottoms – not the oral bottoms.) Everyone's droplets stay on their side of the wall. Maybe put some walls up between the bottoms to further contain things. And then showers for everyone as they leave.

[Oldercumslut]

1 hour ago, rawTOP said:

 ^^^ this ^^^ looks like a great risk reduction strategy. (The anal bottoms – not the oral bottoms.) Everyone's droplets stay on their side of the wall. Maybe put some walls up between the bottoms to further contain things. And then showers for everyone as they leave.

Add mandatory masks and reminding people to not touch their face and I’d agree.   That would be the a pretty good risk reduction strategy..

[HardOneLA]

1 hour ago, rawTOP said:

 ^^^ this ^^^ looks like a great risk reduction strategy. (The anal bottoms – not the oral bottoms.) Everyone's droplets stay on their side of the wall. Maybe put some walls up between the bottoms to further contain things. And then showers for everyone as they leave.

Couldn't agree more - the first time I saw this I thought 'Damn, I'd love to be bred that way.'

[PG1961Canada]

IMHO, a well thought out start to a list that is sure to grow @rawTOP.  I also lived through a lot of the HIV days and was actually in a sero-discordant relationship for about 12 years, and so when PrEP became available, it was an obvious choice to me to help be proactive about my health and lower risk with my undetectable partner.   And I agree, this is a virus that will make some folks pause and think about things.... everyone will have to do what is right for them.  I hope they are respectful of others in that process.

I (used to) travel all over the world as part of my job.  Mostly Europe, Africa, USA and Canada.  Obviously, that isn't happening right now and I don't see a huge, quick turnaround.  And that suits me fine, as I have a job that allows me to work at home - when I'm not working in airports.

I've been alone in my home office since the second week of March.  I've left the house 3 times, after dinner when the crowds in the grocery store are dwindling.  I'm in/out like a ninja buying what I need, while wearing a mask and gloves.  And then straight home to 'wash' some of my groceries.

I stay in touch with my FWB's a few times a week.  It's a relatively small list.  I have realized this was likely a good thing.

Why?

In discussion with two of my closest FWB's we realized we have been isolating ourselves quite a bit from everyone.  All limited to our once or twice a month foray for food. Masked.  One has asthma (like me) and one had kidney issues years ago and is on a disability pension.  We have really watched our P's and Q's.  Internet meetings only with family and friends.

Rob called me yesterday and said... "I haven't had sex in 12 weeks.  I haven't left my house in 12 weeks.  I'm losing it.  What about you?"

My response was that I had gone out for some groceries 3 times in the last 12 weeks.  That's it.

We have been FWB for years and we trust one another.  And so, we got together yesterday and had a good solid romp.  We're both versatile so there was some good breeding going on.

I think this will be my new normal for a while.   We even talked about that part and agreed this was about as risky as we would get.  He went home to his house and I plan to stay in mine until sometime next week when I need some supplies.  Masked. Gloved.

I DO like the idea of pump n' dumps or gloryhole fucks tho.... maybe on the back deck? Hmmm.  

Great thread.  I will be curious to see what others have to say and their experiences...

[NastyRigPig]

On 5/17/2020 at 8:41 AM, evilqueerpig said:

Isn't the term "ethical slut" an oxymoron?

Absolutely not.  This book spells things out very well.

[think before following links] https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Third-Practical-Relationships/dp/0399579664/ref=pd_lpo_14_img_0/134-2628766-5518505?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0399579664&pd_rd_r=0af928c3-2af1-4a87-942a-979fe029d436&pd_rd_w=X0j9g&pd_rd_wg=IgvgC&pf_rd_p=7b36d496-f366-4631-94d3-61b87b52511b&pf_rd_r=4KP7BYKBG6QAFF87RT4S&psc=1&refRID=4KP7BYKBG6QAFF87RT4S

 

[Oldercumslut]

44 minutes ago, NastyRigPig said:

Absolutely not.  This book spells things out very well.

 

 

Moral principles that govern a person's behavior or the conducting of an activity.  

That's the short internet version of the definition of ethics.  After multiple semesters of Ethics as part of Graduate education.  Ethics is situational and objective.    Morality is another term that is fluid and flexible.  The act of us talking about it, weighing risks to both us and the public is a good sign.   The term Ethical Slut isn't an oxymoron, but it's a pretty useless term as the definition of both words is open to interpretation and the semantics involved.

[garsento]

Agreed that it is possible to be an ethical slut, at least if you go into your sexual encounters wanting them to be as good as possible for everyone involved. This isn't something we can take for granted, sadly, but it is definitely an achievable goal.

[SoCalBBversbttm]

I live in Los Angeles and the Mayor announced last week that while some things would be opening, “Safer at home” would continue to August.  We started lockdown in mid March.  We also have to wear masks while outside your home not just for grocery stores and medical offices - everywhere.  My husband and I discussed bringing in a trusted third for an exclusive sex relationship.  It would be a closed loop relationship for the three of us.  He has also been quarantined and we feel that we can trust him.  It would include all aspects of sex, including, Yikes - kissing.  He is mulling it over, but sees no reason not to do it.  It wouldn’t be forever, but until things get a little less crazy, it’s a form of safe play for the three of us.