Marrying a woman?

[analluv27]

Just remember this getting married just to have children is extremely selfish because once you're married is not just about you. You now have a wife in the mix. Then add children which seems like what you're desiring, but what if you know have your children but then feel I have my children I'm kinda done with women and want sex with men like I used to. Ultimately if you choose to do it be as upfront about your past and desires and that "should" mitigate some problems later on

[Sharp-edge]

4 minutes ago, analluv27 said:

Just remember this getting married just to have children is extremely selfish because once you're married is not just about you. You now have a wife in the mix. Then add children which seems like what you're desiring, but what if you know have your children but then feel I have my children I'm kinda done with women and want sex with men like I used to. Ultimately if you choose to do it be as upfront about your past and desires and that "should" mitigate some problems later on

I get  what you're saying.  I'm prettyconfused myself. I  think that I  would just forget my gay side and be with my wife and my  wife only. But I  do  need to have children. I'm  craving for some  family moments.. or maybe for a life in a  happy family.

[spitjack]

8 minutes ago, Sharp-edge said:

I get  what you're saying.  I'm prettyconfused myself. I  think that I  would just forget my gay side and be with my wife and my  wife only. But I  do  need to have children. I'm  craving for some  family moments.. or maybe for a life in a  happy family.

One doesn't have to be married or in a relationship with a women to have children.  There are other ways to make that happen. 

[analluv27]

9 minutes ago, Sharp-edge said:

I get  what you're saying.  I'm prettyconfused myself. I  think that I  would just forget my gay side and be with my wife and my  wife only. But I  do  need to have children. I'm  craving for some  family moments.. or maybe for a life in a  happy family.

Perhaps giving thought to being a godparent

[Sharp-edge]

2 minutes ago, analluv27 said:

Perhaps giving thought to being a godparent

I don't  have anyone around me who plants to have a  baby. I want own babies 😄

[analluv27]

Since you said gay marriage is a no no where you live and the same for single male adoption. May I inquire as where your live?

[Sharp-edge]

3 minutes ago, analluv27 said:

Since you said gay marriage is a no no where you live and the same for single male adoption. May I inquire as where your live?

In Greece 

[georgiega]

You are already the person your father wants you to be. Embrace who you are.   You don’t have to be anything other than what you are, and this is a truth I wish I had realized before my Mom passed.  So many sleepless nights, not realizing my Mom was a cooler cat than I thought. (Boy I was SO DUMB!)  

[Sharp-edge]

7 hours ago, georgiega said:

You are already the person your father wants you to be. Embrace who you are.   You don’t have to be anything other than what you are, and this is a truth I wish I had realized before my Mom passed.  So many sleepless nights, not realizing my Mom was a cooler cat than I thought. (Boy I was SO DUMB!)  

I don't think my father wanted me to have a family or something. He just wanted me to be  happy. And I never cared about fulfilling my parent's dream about me. I think they were happy for me either way. So I don't relate my father's desire to my desire to make a family. Maybe the loss made me wanna do this, but not because Ibelieve he wanted that. I always wanted a family but I never actually planned it.

[ErosWired]

On 7/1/2020 at 2:10 PM, Sharp-edge said:

I don't  have anyone around me who plants to have a  baby. I want own babies 😄

My man, let me stop you there. You never ‘own’ your kids. If you have some notion that any child of yours is going to ‘belong to you’ like some sort of possession or pet, reality is going to smack you in the face like a dead mackerel. The entire purpose of childhood is for these very separate human beings to become independent of their parents, and when they hit their early teens they make no bones about it. Parenthood is one long stream of gradually letting go. (There’s also a fair amount of poop and puke involved... it’s unavoidable.)

 If you’re wanting something to carry around with you and dote on, try one of the small dog breeds like a terrier or a chihuahua. Not a Yorkie, though - the little brutes refuse to be toilet-trained.

[J0nn1eb0y]

@sharp-edge first I'm sorry for your loss. life events in general prompt reflection. Having children is a life-long commitment though many don't follow through with that leaving single mothers or children in foster care never knowing their fathers. I've raised 6 kids. I'm married 30+ years though openly gay now. Consider what your actual motives are. Do you really want kids, are you concerned with the family name dying, are you trying to be your father, are you trying to recreate family?

Regardless, you're younger than some of my kids. You may meet someone and then want to foster, adopt, surrogacy for hire or surrogacy by a friend. Your immediate goal is your PhD. That will likely lay the foundation of your life. Stay focused and I wish you the best.

 

[tallslenderguy]

On 7/1/2020 at 11:57 AM, Sharp-edge said:

I get  what you're saying.  I'm prettyconfused myself. I  think that I  would just forget my gay side and be with my wife and my  wife only. But I  do  need to have children. I'm  craving for some  family moments.. or maybe for a life in a  happy family.

Ah man, so sorry you lost your dad. It sounds like you had a wonderful and loving relationship with him and it makes perfect sense to be confused and in turmoil by the loss. i ditto those suggesting a grief counselor. Grieving is a process, an individual one, but a process none the less. It can help to have someone by your side, to walk through it with you.

A few questions to perhaps ponder?  Have you had an intimate/romantic relationship with a woman before?  Right now, you are idealizing. I.e., you are projecting a fantasy of having a wife and children. You're also fantasizing about how that would be and feel.  Have you ever fantasized about a relationship with a guy? Even a hook up? And then when you got together, reality was very different from what you imagined or wanted?  What we imagine is never the same as reality.

"Forget [your] gay side?"   That's sort of like saying you're going to forget you have a cock. Changing how you use it does not change the fact that you have one.  We're all different, but a lot of people have tried to change gays, including a lot of gay guys.  There's a long history of this. I tried to not be gay, was married to a woman and had kids. i love/loved my former wife and kids dearly, but that doesn't change reality. Being gay is not a choice. 

You might be bisexual.  i thought i might be, so after i divorced i dated men and women.  It didn't take me long to realize where i land on the spectrum.  

i proffer that any woman you might marry should know all about your 'gay side.'  That's likely going to narrow your field.  i'd also suggest that any serious relationship with a woman should involve premarital counseling. There are women out there who think they will be enough to change you, which is delusional at best.  i'd suggest that anyone you marry is going to have to embrace and love your gay side as well as the rest of you.  

Back to the cock example, you may go to sleep thinking you have forgotten it, only to wake up with a hard on demanding attention.  You can possibly find a woman you love and can have good sex with, but that does not change the gay part of you.  Once you are out of the fantasy of how you imagine marriage and kids will be, reality sets in. Marriage is stressful and hard along with the joys. Having kids is stressful and hard along with the joys.  During those stress times, your "gay side" will appear and fantasize about how life would be so much better on the other side. 

[Carlos1881]

I’m sorry for your loss Sharpe-edge the only opinion that matters is your own 

[cyberdolphnow]

Much good ideas and information here in the  thread. I've also heard to wait a year while grieving before changing large issues or making lifestyle decisions.

 

I say find love in a completely honest relationship FIRST (gay or bisexual) and the question of whether to welcome children to be loved and parented into that relationship will be answered by yourself and your partner (male or female). 

 

[But in the case of a female partner relationship always make sure that she understands that you are and always will be  gay/bisexual and that you need to be in a loving yet sexually open relationship where you always will have outside male FWB or sex partners. She may need to understand that she doesn't have to or cannot participate directly with you and your sex partners. But you should respect that she may also desire to have an outside  sex partner too maybe even the biological parent of the child(ren) who you and her are raising as a family.  It is not inconceivable that you could find a woman today who would be comfortable with this arrangement in the modern  western world and  society (open marriages, polyamory relationship, hot wife lifestyle, etc) but some more traditional countries and societies may not understand or tolerate this  type of relationship.

My 1st female wife gave me two children from her body but later divorced me because of my sexual adultery with men and saying that I was 100% gay. This cost me dearly for both loss of parenting with my then young children and with lawyer money. 

Incredibly 3 years after divorce , I met and later married a 2nd female wife with my honesty and her complete understanding that I was bisexual and would never be sexually monogamous ever.  Early on she watched me and other bisexual or gay men hook up without any participation from her- not even clothing off. On our "honeymoon" we even did this on our honeymoon bed while she watched aside from a chair. She herself on occasion had short term male  lovers/one night  hook ups and had  sexual threesomes with other married couples (M&F) without my participation at all but with my blessing.

This woman then became very great step mother to my children until they became adults  especially when my ex wife died from a medical problem when children were early teenagers. But now we both are older and 2nd wife has had medical issues related to female body internal health. Plus she knows that I have grown more to the homosexual side of bisexuality and that i now bareback only with men now so we stopped having penis in vagina intercourse about 5 years ago. This has helped our relationship continue in a loving way because, while I have still have male friends with benefits, regular fuck buddies  and some random  hook ups with  men travelers, she and I are daily companions. 

 

So it is possible to be bisexual and have a loving relationship with a woman but you need 100%  honesty. ]

O hope that this helps you or other men.

[PupLucca]

You know it's legal for you to marry a man now And you can have kids with him whether you adopt or use a surrogate to have your own. But, if you are indeed gay why would you want to marry a woman?