Is it rude when people don't respond or is just my age showing

[BootmanLA]

19 minutes ago, TwinkFoot said:

I think its rude for people to feel they're entitled to a response. 

Just move on. 

NOBODY said anything about "entitled" to a response. Obviously nobody is. There's no obligation imposed.

The question was about whether it's RUDE to not respond, which is an entirely different thing. 

I think it's rude for people to reinterpret and rephrase someone else's question in order to make an unrelated point just so that they feel superior to the original poster. Just don't answer the question if you don't feel like it pertains to you as posted. In other words, "just move on".

[120DaysofSodom]

2 minutes ago, BootmanLA said:

NOBODY said anything about "entitled" to a response. Obviously nobody is. There's no obligation imposed.

The question was about whether it's RUDE to not respond, which is an entirely different thing. 

I think it's rude for people to reinterpret and rephrase someone else's question in order to make an unrelated point just so that they feel superior to the original poster. Just don't answer the question if you don't feel like it pertains to you as posted. In other words, "just move on".

Cry me a river with your hypocrisy over here. 

[BootmanLA]

The point is, behavior can be rude even if a person is not "entitled" to not experience that behavior.

I'm not "entitled" to walk down the sidewalk and not be accosted by tweaking druggie PNP assholes who are tripping. They're still rude to do it.

I'm not "entitled" to be able to read in peace and quiet in a coffeeshop. It's still rude for another customer to walk in and turn on a portable speaker loud enough to drown out even quiet convesation for a four-table radius.

I'm not "entitled" to a forum thread that stays on topic. It's still rude for someone to come along and reframe the topic so he can pretend to be "above" a behavior that wasn't even under discussion.

[120DaysofSodom]

2 minutes ago, BootmanLA said:

The point is, behavior can be rude even if a person is not "entitled" to not experience that behavior.

I'm not "entitled" to walk down the sidewalk and not be accosted by tweaking druggie PNP assholes who are tripping. They're still rude to do it.

I'm not "entitled" to be able to read in peace and quiet in a coffeeshop. It's still rude for another customer to walk in and turn on a portable speaker loud enough to drown out even quiet convesation for a four-table radius.

I'm not "entitled" to a forum thread that stays on topic. It's still rude for someone to come along and reframe the topic so he can pretend to be "above" a behavior that wasn't even under discussion.

The point is nobody is entitled to be responded to just because you think its rude for them to not respond to you. Implying that I am acting "above" or "superior" for giving my opinion on the OPs question is exactly what you're accusing me of doing for simply stating a fact which is ironic and sad. Quit taking it so damn personal and get over it already you crybaby. 

[barefootboy]

On 7/29/2020 at 7:21 PM, funpozbottom said:

The problem with internet etiquette is that there isn't any.  Add to that the fact that most app users have an attention span somewhere between a chipmunk and a squirrel and you end up with a lot of dead end conversations. For example, here are a few of my more memorable conversations:

New Message: “Hi”

Me: “Hi”

New Message: **crickets**

 

I send a couple messages back and forth with a guy who contacts me to fuck. Just as we're setting a meet, replies stop. Three days later I get a message saying: “Sorry, a friend messaged me and asked if I wanted to fuck.”

 

I go to pee and grab something from the kitchen. When I get back to my comp I find a message that says: “Hi”. It's followed by 4 more messages in quick succession berating me for not answering his first message.

 

It's late and I'm ready to log off and go to bed. I get a message from someone who looks interesting. We set up a quick meet and then he says: “It's getting kind of late. I think I'm going to go to sleep.”

 

I log onto a site just to check messages and get a guy messaging me to fuck.

I tell him I'm just checking messages.

He keeps bugging me to let him fuck me.

I tell him I'm not interested in meeting.

He asks, “Why not?”

Now annoyed, I say: “I don't think you're cute.”

He says: “My mother thinks I'm cute.”

Me: “Then go fuck your mother.”

 

So, you're not the only one who gets annoyed by messaging or lack of responses. I just ignore the ones who ignore me.

Your last conversation cracked me up. LMAO. That’s cute!

[AirmaxUK]

Personally, if someone writes me a message where some effort has gone into it (eg it is not just "hi" "oi" or "I'm bored") then I'll reply as I'd hope people would treat me the same way. Knowing how to put someone off without upsetting their feelings is a good life skill to acquire. If they've opened with a compliment but I'm not interested I'll thank them but not reciprocate, and if they persist I'm honest about not being interested. 

Not responding is something I am not comfortable with because if I am on the receiving end of a <no response> then I don't know why. Should I try again another day? I don't know. 

But the thing that comes across as the most cowardly response to a friendly message is blocking the sender totally.  

Sometimes I get a message on one of the apps and log in to read it - but because you appear online everyone thinks you're available now, so you then get a bunch of taps, oinks and messages...  usually just a simple "just checking messages, and not looking to meet now. I'll be in touch another time when I'm free" keeps it positive and doesn't burn bridges. 

[tallslenderguy]

On 7/29/2020 at 5:43 PM, drscorpio said:

I disagree strongly that "How are you?" or even "Sup" is rude. I agree they are non-questions but I do not agree that they throw responsibility onto the responder. If I get no response, I didn't waste a lot of time composing a thoughtful opener for someone who won't give me the time of day. If they say, "fine" or some other trivial response, then I give them my real opener. Launching into a full-scale conversation without first judging interest seems rude to me.  Generally, even in face-to-face conversation "How are you?" is a meaningless, phatic expression. [think before following links] [think before following links] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phatic_expression

Thanks for your thoughts here, they gave me pause.  i'm one of those guys who writes a book for a profile (though i am getting better).  When someone approaches me with just a "Hi" or "sup,"  i go to their profile. If there is nothing there, for me, there is already an imbalance.  It's hard for me to imagine someone is just randomly approaching strangers. I.e., the person saying "Hi" or "sup," is likely responding to something about my profile-a pic or something i wrote.  If their profile is empty, i cannot respond in kind.  When i have bitten and responded in kind with a mirror "hi" or "sup," or "fine," the next question is often "what are you looking for" or "what do you like"  or "how are you,"  i don't know that i have ever gotten a "real opener" after that?  

Someone like You would be the exception for me.   I suspect it would go differently between us though because my guess is that when i went to your profile, i'd find some of You there and would then be able to show interest because there is someone presenting something other than an otherwise invisible "hi?" 

[blackrobe]

2 hours ago, AirmaxAndy said:

Personally, if someone writes me a message where some effort has gone into it (eg it is not just "hi" "oi" or "I'm bored") then I'll reply as I'd hope people would treat me the same way.

If I see a man using "bored" to describe himself, I won't engage with him. If you have a creative mind and some imagination, you're almost never bored. I've found that people who are bored are quite often a bad fit for me as there is seldom enough mind at work. 

[Spunkinmyarse]

Sometimes emojis are useful in this kind of situation. If I receive an emoji such as a smiley-face with no accompanying or subsequent text, I’ll usually assume the guy is not interested in continuing the conversation.  It can be a polite and easy way to bring things to an end.
 

Similarly if someone compliments me online, I will try to respond, but if I simply say “Thanks!” and nothing else, it implies that I do not wish to pursue things further.   However, if a guy takes my “Thanks!” as a conversation opener and continues, I feel no compunction to reply again.

Now, if you really want to get into the nitty-gritty of things, a “Thanks” with no exclamation mark is a definite “I’m not interested, thank you”.   But it verges on rudeness, so I would very rarely use it myself.

Edited August 1, 2020 by Spunkinmyarse

[Pumpinmyhole]

I always encounter the same problem across all sites/apps.  I'll be online cruising, and someone will send an oink/woof/wink/smile to me.  I'll respond with a "thanks, great profile.  How are you doing?  Are you looking?"  And then...nothing.  I understand the concept of sending a woof/oink/whatever if your just acknowledging a hot profile, and I understand that some guys might have limited free messages.  Just let me know if you're seriously looking or not.

[NoFucksGiven]

In the days before apps and we cruised in bars, you’d make eye contact and if they weren’t interested they’d just look away - you’d immediately get the message, and vice versa of course. I guess the not responding on apps/sites is the cyber equivalent but feels starker because there isn’t that visual body language. In that respect, that’s why I personally like the taps on Grindr or the Woofs on Scruff. It’s an ice breaker, and I’m not sure why so many guys clutch their pearls and have an attack of the vapours like a Dowager Duchess over them. But each to their own. 
I try to reply to every (I should be so lucky...) message I get. But sometimes life just intervenes and some messages slip through the cracks. The only messages that I purposefully ignore are those that come from those who quite clearly haven’t read my profile. For instance, my Scruff profile is concise but quite clearly states “if you use “clean” to describe your or anyone else’s status I will ignore you” And yet I STILL get hit on my guys who describe themselves as “clean”. And they, I’m afraid, can sod off. 

[AirmaxUK]

1 hour ago, RawPlug said:

In the days before apps and we cruised in bars, you’d make eye contact and if they weren’t interested they’d just look away - you’d immediately get the message, and vice versa of course. I guess the not responding on apps/sites is the cyber equivalent but feels starker because there isn’t that visual body language. In that respect, that’s why I personally like the taps on Grindr or the Woofs on Scruff. It’s an ice breaker, and I’m not sure why so many guys clutch their pearls and have an attack of the vapours like a Dowager Duchess over them. But each to their own. 
I try to reply to every (I should be so lucky...) message I get. But sometimes life just intervenes and some messages slip through the cracks. The only messages that I purposefully ignore are those that come from those who quite clearly haven’t read my profile. For instance, my Scruff profile is concise but quite clearly states “if you use “clean” to describe your or anyone else’s status I will ignore you” And yet I STILL get hit on my guys who describe themselves as “clean”. And they, I’m afraid, can sod off. 

Ah yes, eye contact cruising, my nemesis. Being slightly 'on the spectrum', in my younger years eye contact from or with strangers made me really uncomfortable. I've learned to deal with it as it was a part of gay culture for so long. But even today, eye contact in conversation can be hard, especially if I am attracted to someone it becomes intimidating. I also tend not to notice if someone is giving me the look... fortunately my close friends will prompt me. Taps and Woofs on the apps are a great alternative, but if I receive one I usually reply with a message as tapping or woofing back rarely seems to go anywhere. 

[tallslenderguy]

wow, i love this community. Some great responses here. Fuck i love men. 

[Twochipigs]

13 hours ago, blackrobe said:

If I see a man using "bored" to describe himself, I won't engage with him. If you have a creative mind and some imagination, you're almost never bored. I've found that people who are bored are quite often a bad fit for me as there is seldom enough mind at work. 

You can’t be bored unless you are boring.

[Willing]

I love your age😵