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Poz guys - Any Regrets?


JoshLandaleXXX
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There's plenty of talk on these boards (and others) about guys who get pozzed and love it, plenty of bravado etc.

I just wondered if there are any on here who, upon getting a poz diagnosis, were genuinely devastated by the news?

Have any of you got any genuine regrets about your actions in the past, and the consequences they have had on your life?

Only curious as i was reading a blog written by a guy i've fucked a few times at the NG2BBGROUP bareback parties I go to... he's early 20's, fit, cute, an avid barebacker, and tested poz about a year ago... in his blog it's clear that whilst he would never have changed bareback for condom sex, his diagnosis was truely devastating for him.

He talks about how he feels about telling his friends and family etc.. it's seriously moving stuff...

It made me wonder, that despite all the bravado from guys who get bugged up, what are those peoples, genuine, real heart felt feelings and emotions on things.

Thoughts? Please share.

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I have a lot of regrets. Life is definetly harder with being poz. How you react to situations is WAY different. I think I stated here before having to be worried that if I get injured and there is blood I have to alert the person to my status. The Daily Meds...the worrying about someone near you having a cold...or how your body will react to anything else that is out there..things like whooping cough could do real damage to me. Now with all that being said I dont know if I could have changed my lifestlye enough to prevent myself from getting Poz'd. I do truly enjoy being bred. There is something erotic about a person pumping there seed deep in you..the feeling of a bare cock sliding in and out of you..but then again..I am kinky that way...it truly is a double edge sword

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I have a lot of regrets. Life is definetly harder with being poz... Now with all that being said I dont know if I could have changed my lifestlye enough to prevent myself from getting Poz'd. I do truly enjoy being bred.

I'm still HIV-neg but I can't imagine myself giving up getting fucked bareback and getting my hole creamed. I love it! And I know that life cannot never be the same after you poz. I would much rather have the chance to bareback withoutr the risk of HIV.

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I suppose barebacking for all thos years was like playing Russian roulette. I love barebacking, however I hate being poz. It sure puts a crimp into my regular life as well as my sex life. As much as people on this site profess to want it: it is no pic nic. About barebacking without risk of HIV: good luck. I thought that I was immune, or that the people I played with would be honest, or know about their status. I did have my eyes opened after I was diagnosed.

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I've been poz since at least 1985, most likely infected between 1979-1983. I don't regret anything I did that led me to getting HIV, though having it has changed my life in more ways that I can count and many of the earlier years pretty awful. By 1995 I'd lost countless friends, fuckbuds, and a husband and fully expected to be dead myself in fairly short order. Protease inhibitor meds managed to stop the deterioration of my immune system (for all they made life miserable in many other ways), and I survived. It does sometimes amaze me the fervor that some men bring to trying to get pozzed. True enough that treatment is easier to live with than in years past, and that with successful treatment a mostly normal lifespan is possible. This presumes that there will always be a steady supply of those meds - something not at all certain in my view.

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I'm actually waiting for my test results now to return from the hospital, and I'm nervous that HIV may be the cause of my doctor's concern. I never taken anyone's load, and I've only let someone attempt to top me raw 2 or 3 times, but I know that all it takes is one contact to cause a problem. I'm scared to death of how to tell my family, and of having to stay with my lame job just keep my insurance to pay for my meds. Hearing the way that your lives have changed should have been enough warning for those of us who still love to play on the dark side... I would love to take someone's load deep inside of me, and maybe let someone else use his left over cum as lube for a second deposit. Being positive would break down those fantasy walls, and may even allow me to bond with someone close enough to form a real relationship. But are those perks enough to sacrafice my health? At this point, its all thats keeping me sane until my results come back...

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Good luck and I hope you get the results that you want. It must be tough waiting. Where do you live that you have to wait so long? Here where i live, you can get results in like 20 mins. Anyway, if it does come back positive, you dont neccessarily have to tell your family if you dont want to. Its your private business, your health and people dont need to know everything about you. I'm sure you will be fine, your life will continue, and whatever the results show, you will deal with it and you will be okay.

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Yngclassic98, I also hope you dodge this particular bullet, and hope also that the health problems that led to your doctor ordering the HIV test are soon to resolve.

Over the years I've often said that the best thing about getting HIV is no longer having to be afraid of getting it. If the results do come back that you're positive, it will be a shock and a difficult adjustment, but not necessarily an utter catastrophe. You will have many options for how to move forward, and many people to call on for advice and information. Please let us know how this turns out.

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So far, the good outweights the bad. When I was notified, my current partner was there (actually, we got in a relationship because of my diagnosis), holding my hand, he has been poz for 20 years, and I knew it, but he was not who prob. infected me. I cried for like 5 min, then that same night we went to a bar and started fucking guys raw and watch him taking loads, felching him back home. We did that for the 3 months we lived together, before I left because of visa status.

No, it's not worry free, and prob. the worst has to come yet, but, as RawPozLust said, it can be a wake up call to make you stronger

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Guest GoodExercise

If I were to have a regret it would be that I waited too long to start barebacking, and that it took five years of bareback sex to finally get the gift.

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Thanks guys! Generally the rapid tests take 20ish minutes to come back, but this was an actual lab blood test that for whatsever it has been a few days and I still haven't heard anything. Anyway, you guys are right. If anything, i'll be more driven to lead a healthier lifestyle and keep myself is good shape.

Good luck and I hope you get the results that you want. It must be tough waiting. Where do you live that you have to wait so long? Here where i live, you can get results in like 20 mins. Anyway, if it does come back positive, you dont neccessarily have to tell your family if you dont want to. Its your private business, your health and people dont need to know everything about you. I'm sure you will be fine, your life will continue, and whatever the results show, you will deal with it and you will be okay.
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When I became poz it was quite a shock so i deffinately wish i had been more cautious in the past. Whilst being poz for the last 5 years has not casused me any major problems thus far, it certainly hasnt been nice.

I have bareback sex with poz guys because i don't like the hassle of telling neg guys i am poz and i would rather be honest with them. While its true that bareback feels better, i worry about picking up other std's and having to change to another cocktail of meds that are more difficult to take or has side effects since the stuff im on now is easy to take and gives me no side effects.

None. Like the ancient Chinese philosophers, I believe every crisis is also an opportunity. Being poz has led me to become healthier, more fit and physically and mentally stronger than I knew I could be. Plus, the depraved bareback sex has been fantastic.

This is also true for me as well. I've never looked better than I do now but i just wish i didnt have a life-threatening illness.

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Guest MightyMouth

It is a very expensive virus to live with. Yah there are programs but you have to qualify for them. Insurance can be a bitch; copays add up quickly when your insurance is shit. I once had an interview for a job that was going to require a physical and had a moment of panic come over me. Others have already talked about the issues around disclosure. It sucks. I would absolutely go back and do things differently.

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The expense side of things is very true. Back in 2009 I had to drop meds because I hit the Medicare Part D 'donut hole' and couldn't afford nearly $3000 monthly costs out of pocket. I was over the maximum annual income for my state's ADAP program by $300, so I wasn't able to get support through them. Going off meds was the only choice. At the end of 2009 I lost the benefits from a private long-term disability insurance policy. Lost 2/3 of my income, but the lower income meant that I finally qualified for ADAP and could restart treatment. My current regimen has a retail cost of $2681 per month.

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