Undetectable on Grindr, Toxic on BBRT

[Jd14]

In my city I saw a top on BBRT whose profile says he's poz detectable and off meds.  The same exact guy also is on Grindr where his profile says he's poz undetectable (raw only) and he convieniently leaves off his last tested date.  Thus, some neg bottoms are are probably hooking up with him thinking they're safe because U=U, but they're actually getting their guts coated with a toxic load.

Do any of you guys or people you know do something similar to this? If so, why? No judgment, I'm just curious. I wonder how widespread it is.

Overall, this is why I'm on PrEP - you can't trust anyone.  

[Pumpinmyhole]

18 minutes ago, Jd14 said:

In my city I saw a top on BBRT whose profile says he's poz detectable and off meds.  The same exact guy also is on Grindr where his profile says he's poz undetectable (raw only) and he convieniently leaves off his last tested date.  Thus, some neg bottoms are are probably hooking up with him thinking they're safe because U=U, but they're actually getting their guts coated with a toxic load.

Do any of you guys or people you know do something similar to this? If so, why? No judgment, I'm just curious. I wonder how widespread it is.

Overall, this is why I'm on PrEP - you can't trust anyone.  

Of course it's possible that the profiles are intentionally different.  Another possibility is that one of the profiles hasn't been updated in quite a while.  Take BBRT for example:  I've noticed countless profiles where the BBRT system will log them as being a certain age, say 50.  You've entered your birthday and their system will automatically update your age for you.  But their profile text has them stating that they're 45.  They're either  not smart enough to notice the difference of the two ages, or they simply haven't updated their profile in 5 years.  They may have gone on/off meds since creating the first profile, and they had a different status when they created the second.  

That said, it might be fun to ask them which is correct?  

[Guest]

25 minutes ago, Jd14 said:

In my city I saw a top on BBRT whose profile says he's poz detectable and off meds.  The same exact guy also is on Grindr where his profile says he's poz undetectable (raw only) and he convieniently leaves off his last tested date.  Thus, some neg bottoms are are probably hooking up with him thinking they're safe because U=U, but they're actually getting their guts coated with a toxic load.

Do any of you guys or people you know do something similar to this? If so, why? No judgment, I'm just curious. I wonder how widespread it is.

Overall, this is why I'm on PrEP - you can't trust anyone.  

Or perhaps he's lying on bbrts thinking that'll get him more hookups on there? 

Either way, just like you this is why I use PrEP.

[drscorpio]

As far as I am concerned, the point of PrEP is that it allows me as the bottom to protect myself without having to trust the top to be truthful.

I am not being judgmental; most of us will say whatever it takes to get laid. I've certainly downplayed how often I take loads to tops who were skittish. 

[Hintyt]

What’s the best way to verify conflicting statuses on someone’s profiles without offending them?    

[Guest CuriousDallas]

I’ve discovered a few guys who were doing the same thing but never confronted them on it. People lie which is why you should be on Prep if you bareback. Maybe some guys feel theyll get more interest in BBRT if they say they’re detectable. As for Grindr...let’s be honest...it’s all about anon hookups. If you’re on there you just wanna fuck and probably don’t give a shit if the guy is really in prep or not...how do you really know? Same thing if they say Neg or undetectable...how do you really know? I’ve hooked up with a lot of guys off Grindr who said neg, prep, or undetectable but took them at face value. And it goes both ways...they take what I’m saying is legit too. In the end you take your chances.

[ErosWired]

How did our hookup culture become so accustomed to falsehood that we no longer assume anything is true by default? How did we let it come to this? How did we so reward deceit that lying became the preferred means to an end?

[Guest Upstateguy518]

I've noticed different stats on profiles as well but tbh, I don't believe much of what people say to begin so it's not a shock to see them lie. If you're taking raw loads, You shouldn't exactly be demanding a clean bill of health lol.

[BootmanLA]

10 hours ago, Hintyt said:

What’s the best way to verify conflicting statuses on someone’s profiles without offending them?    

I would simply tell him - Your actual current status doesn't bother me, but I'd like to know which is correct. That is, assuming you don't mind one way or the other.

That's not going to provide proof either way, of course; it simply allows him to come clean, if he wants, and let you know whether one is outdated, or he's trying to attract different kinds of guys with the two profiles, or whatever. Ultimately, "verify" is a kind of useless term in this situation, unless you have real-time access to his medical records and can see (for instance, a blood test from two or three days ago. Which is, shall we say, unlikely.

As for offending him: Well, he's the one with conflicting information. Asking if one's out of date gives him an out, if he wants to cover for one of them being a lie. If he's still offended after you give him that opportunity, well, you can't please everyone.

[BootmanLA]

1 hour ago, ErosWired said:

How did our hookup culture become so accustomed to falsehood that we no longer assume anything is true by default? How did we let it come to this? How did we so reward deceit that lying became the preferred means to an end?

I am not sure this is anything new.

"Trust me, I'll pull out in time" goes way back in the hetero world. "You're my first" does too. So does "I usually don't do this with guys I don't know well, but...". 

Men have been willing to lie to get sex probably since language was invented. 

[ErosWired]

8 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

I am not sure this is anything new.

"Trust me, I'll pull out in time" goes way back in the hetero world. "You're my first" does too. So does "I usually don't do this with guys I don't know well, but...". 

Men have been willing to lie to get sex probably since language was invented. 

I don’t doubt you’re right about that. But I'm also talking about the rampant way men lie to play games and to flake.

When I’m told - three fucking times in a row - “I want to come fuck you right now but I’ve got no gas - if you could give me some gas money I’ll be right there” my intelligence is insulted. The lie isn’t for sex, it’s for money. Now, I guess the reason it persists is that some gullible/desperate/paying-customer men reward it by giving them the “gas money” and in effect reward the lie.

Then there’s “I’m on my way” by guys who flake. What the fuck? What the fuck with any of the lies used to avoid hooking up - and they are legion. If they are to be believed, family emergencies are on a level to rival the COVID pandemic.

Why the lies just to mess with people? I has a guy on BBRTS who spent hours setting me up for a whoring-out, in detail, only to block me at the last instant. I’ve had another guy take elaborate measures to set me up for fucking Alpha-rough style, just to tell me to “shut up” when I asked him why he hadn’t arrived when planned.

Compared to this kind of craziness, lying about whether you’re Undetectable or toxic is just niggling over details (albeit a rather important detail).

This mostly bugs me because my autism makes it almost impossible for me to lie - I just sort of automatically tell the truth by default even if honesty isn’t in my best interest, and this same mental process makes me far too trusting. If It makes no sense to me to lie, why would anyone else? So I get taken advantage of a lot.

But I’m not stupid. I learn from experience. Once you’ve lied to me, I never forget the lie. And so far I’ve collected a pretty large and nasty catalog of them that paints an ugly picture of men in our subculture.

Apologies to the OP if this has strayed a little wide of the topic.

Edited August 10, 2020 by ErosWired

[btmboy3in]

@ErosWired You've written well-thought commentary. It is responses like these that I do not mind if a topic strays a bit.  PS: I am not the OP. I'm just a lil' ol' bottom.
--Jamie in Massachusetts (in Andover, North of Boston)

[BootmanLA]

13 hours ago, ErosWired said:

When I’m told - three fucking times in a row - “I want to come fuck you right now but I’ve got no gas - if you could give me some gas money I’ll be right there” my intelligence is insulted. The lie isn’t for sex, it’s for money. Now, I guess the reason it persists is that some gullible/desperate/paying-customer men reward it by giving them the “gas money” and in effect reward the lie.

You are probably right (most of the time). But there's just enough possibility that it's true, that some people will take that leap of faith. If the guy isn't coming from the other side of New Zealand, I ask what's the gas station closest to him where he can fill up, and offer to meet him there with my gas card. If there's any hesitation - he doesn't need gas, he wants money.

13 hours ago, ErosWired said:

Then there’s “I’m on my way” by guys who flake. What the fuck? What the fuck with any of the lies used to avoid hooking up - and they are legion. If they are to be believed, family emergencies are on a level to rival the COVID pandemic.

There's no much any of us can do about this kind of guy.  But I'll come back to this guy in a moment.

13 hours ago, ErosWired said:

Why the lies just to mess with people? I has a guy on BBRTS who spent hours setting me up for a whoring-out, in detail, only to block me at the last instant. I’ve had another guy take elaborate measures to set me up for fucking Alpha-rough style, just to tell me to “shut up” when I asked him why he hadn’t arrived when planned.

That's why I would never set up any sort of major planned activity (whoring out, gang-bang, whatever) with a stranger, no matter how how that may be. Because you have no way to judge the sincerity or honesty of strangers online, and that applies not just to people on the spectrum, but to pretty much anyone.

Which brings me back to the flaking guy. Again, I get how hot it can be to talk with some stranger who wants to fuck you RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE, and how eager you must feel to jump into it. But this is exactly why I always meet guys in a non-sexual context first. If a guy says he wants to fuck me on a moment's notice, I'm a lot more likely to believe him if he showed up once before for a non-sexual meet-up and was willing to invest even a small amount of time proving himself. Of course, that means he's not a stranger any more. But that's the entire problem: strangers are much, much more likely to screw you over than someone you've actually met and talked with (and possibly exchanged contact info with).

[ErosWired]

2 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

But this is exactly why I always meet guys in a non-sexual context first. If a guy says he wants to fuck me on a moment's notice, I'm a lot more likely to believe him if he showed up once before for a non-sexual meet-up and was willing to invest even a small amount of time proving himself.

I’m not sure we’re talking about the same populations of men here. Men who are willing to engage in a non-sexual meetup as a precursor to a sexual one are In a very different frame of mind than men looking for a hole to dump a load into or a submissive cunt to wreck because they’re aggressive, dominant and horny. I doubt that you would get as many who would be so careless with lies like being Undetectable on one app and toxic on another if they’re going to sit down and swap notes with another guy over coffee - that’s how the truth comes out. My sense is that the kind of behavior the OP is talking about comes mostly from guys interested in quick, NSA hookups, but I coild be wrong.

[hungry_hole]

On 8/9/2020 at 12:24 PM, Jd14 said:

In my city I saw a top on BBRT whose profile says he's poz detectable and off meds.  The same exact guy also is on Grindr where his profile says he's poz undetectable (raw only) and he convieniently leaves off his last tested date. 

This is not the only case where profiles from different sites show different HIV statuses. Some of the reasons have already been explained. It doesn't bother me.

On 8/9/2020 at 12:24 PM, Jd14 said:

... some neg bottoms are are probably hooking up with him thinking they're safe because U=U, but they're actually getting their guts coated with a toxic load.

And some negative bottoms are getting their guts coated with a toxic load from a guy who doesn't know he's HIV+ because he hasn't tested in a long time or never.

10 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

That's why I would never set up any sort of major planned activity (whoring out, gang-bang, whatever) with a stranger, no matter how how that may be. Because you have no way to judge the sincerity or honesty of strangers online, and that applies not just to people on the spectrum, but to pretty much anyone.

This makes a lot of sense.  Because when a "hard cock is looking for a hole to shoot in" and the action is anonymous, is ridiculous to expect total honesty about HIV status because it's all about the fetishes, which could include stealthing.