Bottom shaming

[find91]

On 12/11/2020 at 3:13 PM, subBottomKink said:

I’ve tried discussing this with guys and a lot who aren’t total tops or bottoms just don’t get it. Bottom isn’t a sex position for me, it’s a state of mind. Beyond the physical feeling, being penetrated just makes me feel alive, whole, fully human.

I’ve been asked if I “can’t step up to the plate and be the top when needed.” I can, physically. I’m awful at it and get little to nothing out of it. Last time I did it was at Cumunion. I enjoyed the physical feeling, sure, and the novelty value. I enjoyed the look on the bottom’s face as I penetrated him (poor guy mustn’t have had many good tops!) But was it fulfilling, in the way that bottoming is got me? Hell no.

I’ve been called lazy. I am not lazy. I’ve been to group fucks where I’ve taken cock all night long, and the next morning I’m being ordered up on the new arrival’s cock. And I ride it with as much enthusiasm as 12 hours earlier, while he sits there. I’ll keep going and will power bottom if needed as long as there’s a top to penetrate me.

I’m just not a top.

Bottoms and vers throw that lazy comment to total bottoms because they are angry and horny. They are only thinking about their needs. These are the same guys that hit up exclusive bottoms on hookup apps looking for a top, all the while not reading the profile that says bottom.

Bottoming is work, very hard work. It's a skill just the same as topping is a skill.

They just need to get over themselves.

[Loveitraw]

14 minutes ago, find91 said:

Bottoms and vers throw that lazy comment to total bottoms because they are angry and horny. They are only thinking about their needs. These are the same guys that hit up exclusive bottoms on hookup apps looking for a top, all the while not reading the profile that says bottom.

Bottoming is work, very hard work. It's a skill just the same as topping is a skill.

They just need to get over themselves.

At last, recognition!

Seriously though, you wouldn't believe (or maybe you would given this thread) the number of 'vers' guys who have hit me up looking to get fucked.  All my profiles have me as a bottom, total, full stop. The first time I will politely ask them to read the profile. If it happens again, which it has more than once, I block them. They are clearly not interested in me. 

I often wonder if there are guys who just send out random hits to others just because they happen to be online at the same time regardless of position or status. I guess they just hope something sticks not realising those chances increase when attention is paid.

[find91]

37 minutes ago, Loveitraw said:

At last, recognition!

Seriously though, you wouldn't believe (or maybe you would given this thread) the number of 'vers' guys who have hit me up looking to get fucked.  All my profiles have me as a bottom, total, full stop. The first time I will politely ask them to read the profile. If it happens again, which it has more than once, I block them. They are clearly not interested in me. 

I often wonder if there are guys who just send out random hits to others just because they happen to be online at the same time regardless of position or status. I guess they just hope something sticks not realising those chances increase when attention is paid.

Some vers guys have the mentality that everyone is vers but just need the right persuasion. I've been hit up by vers guys looking for a bottom and my profile says top. It makes no sense. Lol

[BBdaddybear]

1 minute ago, find91 said:

Some vers guys have the mentality that everyone is vers but just need the right persuasion. I've been hit up by vers guys looking for a bottom and my profile says top. It makes no sense. Lol

Next trip to Montreal, i hope you’ll take my ass and use it like you owned it find91

[ScorpionFF]

17 hours ago, find91 said:

Bottoms and vers throw that lazy comment to total bottoms because they are angry and horny.

I agree. And may I add to that childish and histrionic. I cannot be dealing with that ridiculous nonsense. And if they are going to behave like that in this situation, what are they going to be like in other aspects of their life, eh - No thanks.

[BootmanLA]

On 12/12/2020 at 6:58 AM, ErosWired said:

This isn’t just about regular bottoms wanting another regular bottom to flip so they can get fucked. It’s specifically about chasers wanting a poz bottom to Top to seroconvert them, which is a) insane, fetish and fantasy notwithstanding, and b) utterly self-absorbed. They are approaching you as though you were a vending machine, not a human being. Shame you? Nonsense. They shame themselves by even speaking to you in such terms. You need give them no consideration; they have given you none and deserve none.

While I often agree with @BootmanLA’s views, I take issue with his advice to you here regarding whether you ought to Top sometimes in order to ensure that you have sexual access in later life. I, too, am in my mid-50s, and I don’t subscribe to such a transactional notion that there is somehow some obligation to contribute to the Topping pool in order to qualify for action. This isn’t a club where all members must pay the same dues to participate. It isn’t a club at all, though it has social aspects. Neither is it truly a sport, though many if not most consider it recreational (and athletic). Sexual outlet is a baseline human biological need recognized in Maslow’s hierarchy, and once you peel away all the details and options, it’s all about satisfying a very primal need unique to each individual. If Topping doesn’t scratch that itch for you, then don’t do it. I don’t. To thine own self be true.

Besides, a bottom who doesn’t like Topping isn’t a Top if you make him fuck a bottom - he’s still a bottom doing a Top’s job and not enjoying it, which is a recipe for a lousy fuck. My gratification in serving Tops comes from knowing that they are taking such great pleasure in the way they use me. I wouldn’t want to service a bottom who took no delight in penetrating me. I don’t service bottoms at all.

Yes, opportunities for sexual access diminish as we start to wrinkle up. The fresher fruit gets taken from the stand first - that’s the way if things. If I’m a slightly wrinkled apple, trying to turn myself into a banana isn’t going to make me any more appetizing - it’ll just be an overripe banana gone soft and spotty. You’ve still got plenty of shelf life left on you. Just be an apple if you’re an apple, and tell those chaser nutjobs to fuck off.

I would just note that I never used the word "should" - a word I consider one of the most useless in the English language (at least insofar as it's typically used). Nor did I mention obligations or dues.

I pointed out that opportunities diminish. I'm not a strict believer in karma, but I do think that in the long run, what goes around generally comes around. 

I get your point about how you wouldn't feel pleasure "servicing" a bottom who took no delight in penetrating you. I would just note that I suspect most bottoms get at least some pleasure on the (perhaps rare) occasions they top, or they likely couldn't get hard enough to do it; and that for some bottoms, it's not about "servicing" but enjoying the sensation of getting fucked, by a real cock and not a dildo. Sure, if you're wired such that you only get turned on being a hole for pure tops to use, this isn't for you. For people who simply like sex as a bottom, trading off/switching occasionally so that you both get what you enjoy on occasion may be a necessary compromise.

[BootmanLA]

21 hours ago, find91 said:

Some vers guys have the mentality that everyone is vers but just need the right persuasion. I've been hit up by vers guys looking for a bottom and my profile says top. It makes no sense. Lol

I would note that here, at least, your profile says "versatile top", not "top", not "100% top", not "top who would never consider bottoming". Maybe on other sites you describe yourself differently?

[AirmaxUK]

 

3 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

I would just note that I never used the word "should" - a word I consider one of the most useless in the English language (at least insofar as it's typically used). Nor did I mention obligations or dues.

I pointed out that opportunities diminish. I'm not a strict believer in karma, but I do think that in the long run, what goes around generally comes around. 

I get your point about how you wouldn't feel pleasure "servicing" a bottom who took no delight in penetrating you. I would just note that I suspect most bottoms get at least some pleasure on the (perhaps rare) occasions they top, or they likely couldn't get hard enough to do it; and that for some bottoms, it's not about "servicing" but enjoying the sensation of getting fucked, by a real cock and not a dildo. Sure, if you're wired such that you only get turned on being a hole for pure tops to use, this isn't for you. For people who simply like sex as a bottom, trading off/switching occasionally so that you both get what you enjoy on occasion may be a necessary compromise.

Agree with this. My observation and personal experience is that when guys are on the hunt - online or in a cruising situation - they can get really focused on looking for cock when ass in abundance. I have to make a real effort to remember my other 20-25% - and for me that usually manifests in the finale before leaving. Some guys may lose interest after they've shot their load, so they focus on bottoming first: Then it is easy to become obsessed and forget about giving. If everyone behaves in a similar way it creates a natural shortage. 

It's a rare find, but for me it is a massive turn on to take loads from guys at the end of the night having witnessed they've been prolific bottom sluts and taken a lot of cock that night.  Living vicariously through other guy's loads, maybe.

[Kinkybreed]

I don't know what's it like in your area but when I open the dating apps here almost every second profile says "NO BOTTOMS!!!" It's frustrating and irritating. Especially when most of these profile say "Vers Top" or "Vers". 
Apparently the number of bottoms here is much higher than the number of tops. I do like to be vers sometimes but that really depends on my mood and the guy I'm fucking with. And although my profiles says "Bottom" I get hit up by so many total bottom cumdumps, it really is getting on my nerves 😄 Apparently everyone's desperately trying to find a dick around here. 

[NoFucksGiven]

I’m reminded of what one guy once told me: “If it wasn’t for us bottoms, tops would be wandering around with their cocks out wondering what to do next...”

[PupLucca]

I sometimes top but have been primarily a bottom since I was 12 and took my first raw cock and load deep in my hole. If some one asks me to poz them I ask several questions to figure out if they are a true chaser or a flake. And yes I've had some guys try and shame me but I refuse their abuse and turn them down

[AirmaxUK]

15 minutes ago, PupLucca said:

I sometimes top but have been primarily a bottom since I was 12 and took my first raw cock and load deep in my hole. If some one asks me to poz them I ask several questions to figure out if they are a true chaser or a flake. And yes I've had some guys try and shame me but I refuse their abuse and turn them down

Kudos for being willing to help chasers. The whole fantasy/reality thing can be frustrating to deal with. The only reliable answer to that I've found is to get out to darkrooms, parties, saunas and cruising grounds where guys are more genuinely up for it, but that's a bit tricky in the current covid situation. 

[find91]

7 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

I would note that here, at least, your profile says "versatile top", not "top", not "100% top", not "top who would never consider bottoming". Maybe on other sites you describe yourself differentl

Yes I do. I only put top. I'm very picky on who I let top me. It's only been in relationships that I was willing to bottom on occasion. My profiles on other sites are for when I'm looking to fuck.

[tallslenderguy]

On 12/13/2020 at 12:16 AM, find91 said:

Some vers guys have the mentality that everyone is vers but just need the right persuasion. I've been hit up by vers guys looking for a bottom and my profile says top. It makes no sense. Lol

i have gotten to the place where i simply politely decline to hook with a versatile guy. i am so clear about being a total bottom in my profiles and in conversations with guys, clear to the point of paranoia lol.  i have even referred guys to the urban dictionary definition of total bottom because so many versatile guys are so centric that they truly believe everyone is like them sexually.

 For me, it's actually sort of triggering because it is so similar to the the attitude of the religious culture i escaped that insisted that being gay is a "choice."  i don't equate the two, but i do know who and how i am better than a complete stranger from an online hook up site... if i say i am "total bottom," then who is some stranger to assume i do not know what i am talking about and can some how be something he wants and something i am not?  i like to think gay people should know better than to have those kinds of narrow biases or centricity's, but all the prejudice, stereotyping, presumption we experience in the straight world seems to exist in our world as well. 

 

[kinkysuBB]

10 hours ago, AirmaxAndy said:

It's a rare find, but for me it is a massive turn on to take loads from guys at the end of the night having witnessed they've been prolific bottom sluts and taken a lot of cock that night.  Living vicariously through other guy's loads, maybe.

Funny, I was once at a group where there was me and a vers bottom (but mainly bottom) as the fuckees. Happily, the vers bottom bred me after he’d been fucked a bunch of times. And the tops were absolutely loving this. Apparently it’s hot to watch two guys you’ve fucked now fucking each other.

I was happy anyway. I had a dick in me and an audience!