Coming out as a Barebacker

[travelingbi]

I've never felt the need to "come out" as a barebacker. I find the subject doesn't normally come up with a potential top or with an anonymous top. If he wants to use a condom, he'll usually ask. If not, I just let the encounter happen and most of the time I'll feel a raw cock sliding up inside me. So, it's never been something that I've felt I've needed to announce to anyone. 

 

[NLbear]

What I do in bed (or wherever) is nobody's business but mine and the guy(s) I'm with. I don't feel the need to spread the word. If someone asks I'll tell him.

[swissmec]

i can totally agree to all posts here. just want to add one thought:

i do NOT want to know what my family members are into. every time you see your mum and dad or anyone else of your would come up pictures of them doing whatever stuff they like. no way.   i am sure they do not want to know it either.

[pimpinpreppy]

4 hours ago, atlfukbud said:

Fully agree and I'm not arguing the point of unfair access to healthcare or any of your points here -- just saying I don't know many (or any) men playing safe these days, and so i was questioning the need to "come out" as a barebacker. 

Agreed @atlfukbud.  Other than a couple of exceptions, it's been many, many years since I've met anyone who suggested condom usage.  Barebacking seemed to be the norm even before PrEP was a thing.  So I've never really felt the need to come out because almost everyone else is also a barebacker.  That is the norm.  Some rationalize it more than others by asking more questions about status, testing, and history; regardless, they're still a barebacker.

[Piggyybttmm]

I mean I don't think anyone needs to know that. If you're openly gay that's good enough..we don't ask hetero couples if they're going raw do we?

[Guest]

Like a lot of other gay (and some bi) members here I've been through the coming-out proces as - in my case - a gay man.
There's also other stuff about myself I needed to share with people close to me.

Personally I've not felt the urge to 'come out' as a risk-taking Barebacker (to put it mildly...) to them.

If however you do: that's cool. And it seems to me that in this proces it's also more about how you feel about yourself - Confident, Happy with yourself and with a little Pride - than about what other people think and how they feel about you.

It's your choice, always, what you want to share with others about yourself - or not.

Like others have commented: the only people that need to know what you like sexually in detail are your sexual partners.
When I'm getting in touch with a potential fuck-bud bareback vs safer sex always comes up. When playing with guys at the baths nobody bothers to talk and most guys fuck or get fucked bareback, in my experience. 

 

It takes some HUGE balls to be completely open about yourself. So good for you! 💪

[DaWhore]

Coming out? why?

As one taking bare skin on skin, I never carry condoms. If the top wants to wear one, it's up to him. But I bend over easily if you just say "I'm safe"...

[Mintyish]

just do what you're happy with and don't worry about judgement from anyone else.... it's your hole - your rules...

[PigBoyDallas]

I’m not really out as gay except to close friends and in the Latino community it’s just assumed if you have gay sex it’s bareback. Almost every Latino guy fucks or gets fucked raw...it’s just the norm. It’s complicated to explain and wrapped up in many things. I honestly can’t even remember the last time a Latino guy asked about condoms or wrapping to fuck. It’s different with Anglos, Asians, and Blacks. But I’m out on all of my profiles like Grindr, BBRT, Squirt, etc about being a barebacker. I just don’t wanna waste my time if a guy is gonna make me wrap or wants to wrap to fuck me. Plus I hate having to negotiate doing it raw and all the questions. 

[fskn]

Coming out as a barebacker (and also as someone who enjoys anonymous sex and open relationships) has been very important for me. The only way to change the misconception that gay men who bareback are immoral and unhealthy is to speak up.

I remind my straight friends that most straight sex is bareback, and that this is unquestioned and completely normal. Why wouldn't gay men want the same pleasure and intimacy? Barebackers who are on PrEP, or who are HIV-positive and undetectable, are preventing the spread of HIV. Both groups, as a condition of receiving their medication, get periodic STI tests (and prompt treatment, if necessary). Attention to sexual health is a matter of routine for the bareback community. For my straight, young, sexually active friends, an STI test is an unusual event and the subject of fear, shame, and misinformation.

I also remind my straight friends, and an increasing number of my gay friends (now that gay marriage is not only possible but also fashionable), that there are plenty of unhappy, lonely, and sexually unfulfilled people in monogamous marriages. There is room in the world for multiple approaches to sex and relationships. One way is not inherently better than another.

I volunteer in public health / health research, and that's another area where I've had to come out as a barebacker. I wouldn't be authentic or useful if I couldn't discuss my own sexual practices.

Two decades ago, I left an HIV prevention organization where I'd volunteered for years because the people couldn't admit that barebacking was rampant. The official message was condoms only, all the time. Pretending that something isn't happening is never a good approach to public health. Eventually, the organization hired a program manager who was a leader in the HIV-positive community. He began to challenge the dogma, pointing out that two HIV-positive sexual partners might choose to eschew condoms. A decade and a half later, empirical studies proved that U=U; we still have a lot of work to do to educate people that barebacking with someone who is Poz and undetectable constitutes safe sex.

I will add that when my mom has visited, we've walked along Folsom Street together. She knows where the Gulch is and what goes on there, and she has seen the window displays at Mr. S Leather. What is there to be ashamed of? This is the person who made me.

The need to explain Folsom Gulch came up because I was going to introduce my mom to the guy I was dating at the time. He and I talked about what we would say if she asked where we had met. He suggested, jokingly, that we say we'd met in a "bookstore", leaving out that it was an adult bookstore, much less one where men met for anonymous sex.

A few years after I divorced my newly conservative, sexless, and closeted ex-husband, I met my current boyfriend on BBRTS. We'd love to record a non-traditional "success story" testimonial someday.

[Kimberley]

My coming out as a barebacker was not easy. always loved it but people judge to much and to hard about it sometimes. as barebacker you are easy compared to being a nasty poz and STD whore. since prep i really don't give a shit even more what others think. if u want to call me a STD whore go ahead, you are even damn right about it i am

Edited March 13, 2021 by Kimberley

[Guest cjdupont]

OnA4A, coming out as a barebacker means listing yourself as Neg On Prep, Positive Undetectable, BB, or Depends.  Never met a guy there who used a condom with any of those categories.