Kinda at a crossroads.

[woodyb]

So I’m in my 30s and have been mostly straight my entire life; I say mostly because while I’ve jerked off to a lot of gay pint, I’ve only ever sucked three cocks and done little else. This weekend I had an opportunity to top bare and when I got there I just couldn’t perform. He was nice about it but damn, it has me feeling down. On top of that, it made me wonder if maybe the issue is with that men I’m might actually be a bottom, which brings up a new host of complications, curiosities, and fears. Bottoming scares me and excites me at the same time ( typing it makes my cock twitch) but since the majority of my sexual experiences with men have been underwhelming, that just kinda muddles it up some more. Thought maybe it was time to see what you all think. Thanks in advance... 

[BootmanLA]

58 minutes ago, woodyb said:

So I’m in my 30s and have been mostly straight my entire life; I say mostly because while I’ve jerked off to a lot of gay pint, I’ve only ever sucked three cocks and done little else. This weekend I had an opportunity to top bare and when I got there I just couldn’t perform. He was nice about it but damn, it has me feeling down. On top of that, it made me wonder if maybe the issue is with that men I’m might actually be a bottom, which brings up a new host of complications, curiosities, and fears. Bottoming scares me and excites me at the same time ( typing it makes my cock twitch) but since the majority of my sexual experiences with men have been underwhelming, that just kinda muddles it up some more. Thought maybe it was time to see what you all think. Thanks in advance... 

Before I give any advice, let me say it's predicated on my reading the following into what you're saying:

1. You consider yourself somewhat on the bisexual spectrum, though most of your experience has been with women;

2. You are curious about/interested in expanding your limited experiences with men;

3. You had some performance issues the one time you tried to top; and

4. You wonder if you might be a bottom.

Assuming all that is true: First, it's not the case that all bottom men lack the ability to penetrate another man (or a woman), and it's not the case that one episode of erectile dysfunction means you can't get it up to fuck men. That's a lot of work to impose on one experience that didn't go as well as you'd like.

I've known tops ("100%" tops) who had trouble getting hard in a particular situation. Sometimes it's stress, sometimes it's lack of interest in the particular bottom, sometimes it's being tired - any number of reasons, but don't assume you have to be a bottom because you weren't successful in fucking this one guy. Add in the fact that you've never done it before, hence nervous about how you'll do, and it's not surprising you might have difficulty. You can keep at it, and try again, either with this same guy, or another. I'd recommend you tell him up front you've not done it before, and you need to work up to it - and then do exactly that. Take your time, get hard, make out while you do, but hold off on trying to fuck until you're so hard and worked up you feel like you're about to explode - and THEN try. You may not last long, but you're more likely to stay hard enough to penetrate, and then you've broken the first barrier. With more practice, whatever nerves you may have been facing should dissipate.

That's not to say you shouldn't try getting fucked, if you want to! You can even simulate some of the experience with a *rational-sized* dildo (that is, don't start with one of those foot-long things as thick as a beer can), use lots of lube, and find out if you like that part of the sensation. It's not the complete experience of being fucked by a man, just like jacking off into your fist isn't the complete experience of fucking a woman, but it's a starting point. 

And it may be that  you find you much prefer bottoming to topping - there are a lot of guys in that situation! And there's nothing wrong with that, either (except that, as you'll learn on here, there are almost always a lot more bottoms to go around than tops).

Either way: if you're thinking of more experiences with men, GET ON PrEP. Not "soon", not "once I start playing more", not "if I decide I like this" - NOW, before you reach the point of being active enough that it could be critical.

 

[evilqueerpig]

Give bottoming a try...you have nothing to lose but your cherry.  A bit of advice, choose someone you trust to be honest about status

[timfreo]

Take it bare  . A condom feels horrible on a cock penetrating  you. Take this chance to never having to experience that feeling 

[versamarried]

BootmanLA is on point with his advice. If you have not practiced anal on yourself it would be a good way to know. Since I first masturbated I had the need to pleasure my ass at the same time. I tried topping when I first started playing with dudes and while initially I could fuck to finish I began leaving those encounters feeling less and less satisfied since my own needs to be topped would be ignored.

Was there anything going on in your mind that may have kept you from being in the moment?

[Bimarried001]

I’m not sure what advise you are looking for. 
We all know what we are. If you are thinking about getting fucked then you want to get fucked. 
Just go ahead and take that cock. 

[Bearhunter55]

If you are planning on meeting someone you're taking to on line it's easy for the talk to get ahead of itself and then its hard to live up to the pressure of the expectations (this is why old fashioned cursing and bath house sex can be better- it just happens without getting hopes up too much).  Find out what you both like or at least what interests both of you.  Then if you plan on meeting maybe put on the table you might only want to do oral on the first meet and see how it goes with the option for more.  I've found that if I do that then the pressure is off and more often than not I do want to get fucked once I get naked and hard and relaxed vs. just meeting someone and taking it right away.  I don't mean to sound like a prude or a cock tease but if you're a beginner and you're not sure what you want just start easy with the option to go further.   If you're experienced and know exactly what you want this does not necessarily apply :). 

[Guest]

When you wank, what do you fantasise about? it's a pretty good guide to what you are into. Next step is to try it out. If you don't get a hard-on, don't be deterred-the penis sometimes likes messing with the brain. Have sex with your entire body and your brain, not just your cock. You dont need an erection to have fun. Don't think about performing. Or meeting expectations. Just enjoy. Also watch porn. Play with dildos. Or tit clamps. Or rubber dolls. Or frilly undies. Whatever you think might be fun. Don't try to work out theoretically what you are and then make your behaviour conform. Dont think. Experiment.  

[BootmanLA]

22 hours ago, Bimarried001 said:

I’m not sure what advise you are looking for. 
We all know what we are. If you are thinking about getting fucked then you want to get fucked. 
Just go ahead and take that cock. 

I respectfully disagree. Many people, especially before they have much experience, do NOT "know what we are". That much should be evident to anyone who's ever dealt with someone just coming out.

I know people who *think* about getting fucked who do not, in fact, "want to get fucked". I think about things all the time that I do not, myself, want to do. 

[tallslenderguy]

You have only had one experience (attempting) to top. Your experience doesn't define you, your needs and desires do.  It's possible to be a total top and have ED. I'd put it down to first time nerves. Few people can recount a 'porn quality' experience with their first sexual encounter. Yeah, i know you have sexual experience, but not with fucking guys. Reality is generally different from what we imagine it should be or is. 

Like others have mentioned, i too believe experience will help you know more what works and what does not for you.  

[austin_submale]

I got curious so I tried sucking and found I like it...  then I got curious about bottoming so I tried it and found out I love it.  Then I tried bottoming bare...  and I reaaaly love it.

Now I'm a no dick or load refused cum dump.

It's a slippery slope.  But the bottom of the slope is great.

 

[woodyb]

Wish I had a better update, been mostly dating women and haven’t had any luck on Grindr. Sex with women is still great, but I’m definitely

 

 hoping that maybe THIS year will be the year I finally bottom, scratch that itch at the very least.

 

[PigBoyDallas]

Reading your posts, I get the sense you're feeling performance pressure. And don't feel bad, its common with guys. You build the idea up to a point where it can't possibly meet that expectation. It may be easier to just go to a gay bar and pick a guy up, provided you are OK hooking up with a stranger. And that's probably what compounds the problem for you is that performance pressure and then the uneasiness of it being a stranger. And rather than the sexy talk, try find a guy who's sympathetic to your situation and needs. I hook up with quite a few straight/bi guys who either have had gay sex before or who haven't and I get told I'm a good listener and put them at ease. Listening and taking it slow makes a difference with guys like you in your situation, as does that its no strings, no pressure, I can't get pregnant etc. I'm not gonna set any traps for the straight/bi guy. Find a guy like that and take it slow.

 

[Pigforcum]

On 8/3/2021 at 10:56 PM, timfreo said:

Take it bare  . A condom feels horrible on a cock penetrating  you. Take this chance to never having to experience that feeling 

Totally agree. Condoms feel horrible. bare all the way either as top or bottom