Bud freaking out and how to respond?

[PigBoyDallas]

So, I spent a lot of last night trying to talk a bud down after he got a dressing down by a hook up. They were all hot to meet and were down to go raw which is how my bud rolls. Apparently they made a really deep connection online and my bud, as he usually does, was very honest about how he plays around, is verse and takes loads raw. He's not on Prep but again was being honest and the guy starts getting deep into talking about how my bud should be more sexually aware and careful, and so on. I know a lot of us who bareback do get this kind of talk from people and honetly I just let it wash over me. But my bud really freaked as he is very promiscuous and hasn't been tested in many months (he said June but also April, I'm guessing its been longer). He wound up not doing the hookup (obviously) and instead wound up doing a lot of Chocalate...a pretty strong strain of weed to chill down as he was a pretty big mess. He was wanting me to get him an Oraquick to see if he was poz or not but I talked him out of it as he was NOT in a state to deal with that. By the time I left he was in a better place and I do have to check in with him today to make sure he's OK. Have other guys had these kind of freakouts or no? I'm hoping today he's in a better place and less freaked out about it. But I'm also wondering if maybe I should tell him to stop being so honest or upfront? Also wondering about having him do the Oraquick. Most of me doesn't want to feed the paranoia monster he has right now.

[ErosWired]

Um…dude? He does need to be sexually aware and careful, and he does owe it to the men he plays with to be honest about his status and practices. If he was last tested in April, he’s only just now at the point where he should be going back for a quarterly check, so I don’t call that a “long time” - most guys don’t get an STD screening more often than quarterly unless they think they’ve had an exposure.

I can see talking a friend down from a panic, and even possibly counseling him for a better time to do a test when he was is a more sober frame of mind, but it sounds like you’re contemplating talking him out of testing altogether and talking him out of having open conversations with his hookups about sexual safety. Which is not what I would want from any buddy of mine. If you want to prevent him from spazzing out in the future, the solution’s dead simple - get him on PrEP so he can fuck much more safely and have much more reassuring conversations with potential hookups. If there’s nothing to dress him down about, there won’t be any. And he won’t feel the need to have an OraQuick after every bare shag. It’s not rocket science.

[garsento]

47 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

Um…dude? He does need to be sexually aware and careful, and he does owe it to the men he plays with to be honest about his status and practices. If he was last tested in April, he’s only just now at the point where he should be going back for a quarterly check, so I don’t call that a “long time” - most guys don’t get an STD screening more often than quarterly unless they think they’ve had an exposure.

I can see talking a friend down from a panic, and even possibly counseling him for a better time to do a test when he was is a more sober frame of mind, but it sounds like you’re contemplating talking him out of testing altogether and talking him out of having open conversations with his hookups about sexual safety. Which is not what I would want from any buddy of mine. If you want to prevent him from spazzing out in the future, the solution’s dead simple - get him on PrEP so he can fuck much more safely and have much more reassuring conversations with potential hookups. If there’s nothing to dress him down about, there won’t be any. And he won’t feel the need to have an OraQuick after every bare shag. It’s not rocket science.

I have to agree. Being anxious about your HIV status after a series of unprotected sexual encounters is a normal thing. There are ways to handle this anxiety that can be constructive, but you need to be able to deal with the root issue,

[evilqueerpig]

If others have issues with your friend's honesty, it's their problem.  As his friend, you need to support him and not judge him.

[theplayerking]

He only has four options:

1. Don’t hookup 
2. Use condoms
3. Go on PrEP
4. Accept that he is likely to convert 

None of these, apart from abstinence, is foolproof, be he should be able to do his own risk-reward analysis. 

[verslut]

He has to start taking his sexual health seriously instead of freaking out. Risk free bareback doesn't exist so we're all practicing risk reduction. Casually tell your friend about how you handle sexual health next time the subject comes up.

[LetsPOZBreed]

On 8/5/2022 at 1:55 AM, PigBoyDallas said:

I'm hoping today he's in a better place and less freaked out about it. But I'm also wondering if maybe I should tell him to stop being so honest or upfront? Also wondering about having him do the Oraquick. Most of me doesn't want to feed the paranoia monster he has right now.

He should definitely be honest and upfront...if his prospects have an issue with that, then it's better they didn't play at all.  

As far as the Oraquick, I suggest he does take one at some stage - hopefully sooner, rather than later.  It's better to know and start treatment now, rather than let it fester and negatively impact other health aspects.