PhoenixGeoff

Ha! I wonder what age that realization sunk in? It must have made all those "your mom" jokes particularly brutal in school.

Speaking as someone who's 6'4", it's a bit of a pain to have to either widen your stance (Oh, hello, Larry Craig!) or bend at the knees in order to get down to the level of the bottom's hole when fucking in a sling. Same with fuck benches. This problem is compounded if the floor surface doesn't give good traction. As slings are usually adjustable, I'd rather fuck a bottom in a sling than a fuck bench, unless the fuck bench is just the right height. The reason is because the sling leaves a lot of space available for me to work with and in all around and—crucially—underneath the bottom. I typically have a very similar problem with glory holes as well.

If anyone is interested I’m @pigphoenix. I tend not to follow guys with oodles of followers unless they interact with me personally. I’m also much more likely to follow men in North America (basically I want guys who are into me—hence why I don’t hire escorts—and who I can tell myself that there’s some chance of actually hooking up) Also, tweeting and retweeting someone else’s porn is all well and good but I generally only follow guys who have posted some of their own material. Honestly, I’m mostly interested in who YOU are. I've also got a bit of a problem with turning sex into a business. But I think that’s because I’m a sexual socialist. I consider sex a basic human right that should be freely available to all. Which means, in my ideal utopia, that we’re all conditioned to never tell any man, “No.” OTOH, I do have a link for donations on my twitter page. But that was mostly an experiment to see if anyone would actually notice and/or use it.* I should probably take it off just as a matter of principle. _____________ *If you’re curious, no one ever has. But then I also feel very uncomfortable soliciting tips/asking for money. I’ve never done that, even when I was homeless. I don’t think I could post a link to a wish list for random strangers either. On the other hand, I have toyed with the idea of selling used jocks or setting up an OnlyFans or JFF or whatever, though I’ve never followed through mostly because if there’s zero interest (which I suspect would be the case) I really don’t want to know.

We’re still in the endless September, bro.

Yes. It arises most often in places where closeted guys hang out. Bookstores for sure. Also sites that cater to anonymity like sniffies or doublelist. Yes. I've used a similar line when it's been appropriate. And I've also explained why that is. Maybe he gets turned on by getting bred by poz guys? Seems to be a fairly common fetish. Here's my approach to this question: When I first was coming out of the closet, waaaaaay back more than 30 years ago (back when being poz meant you were gonna die horribly), I was very fortunate to run into a guy who helped me overcome my trepidation about coming out. Back then, I wouldn't even walk through the local gayborhood for fear that some random passerby might see me and think I was gay. We actually met online, believe it or not (if you ain't ever used vi to compose an email, elm to send it, news to catch up on things, and irc to chat, then you're an internet n00b. Also, get off my lawn.) He took me out to dinner at a restaurant in the ghetto, then took me across the street to my first gay bar, then took me to his place for sex. Afterwards I told him, "Well, if there was any doubt in my mind that I was gay, you've completely dispelled it." And he also talked to me about HIV, how to protect myself, etc. In short, he did his best to help me along with coming out as an empowered and informed homo. I only saw him one more time after that. Can't remember much of anything about him really, except how kind and patient and caring he was with me. But I'm grateful for him to this very day. So I always try to play that role for others when the opportunity presents itself. I remember how scared I was back then, of other people finding out, of how my life would change, and yes, of dying. As soon as I made the connection in my head and "came out" to myself as gay, one of my first follow-on thoughts was that there was no way I'd ever live to see 30. This guy showed me that that didn't have to be the case. So I try to do the same for others who are just beginning to explore their sexuality. Very often, they don't know where to find answers, or even what questions to ask. Even in this day and age. There are times I don't want to. I get tired of being confronted with HIV stigma yet again. There have been times where my response to some guy rejecting me on sniffies because I'm poz has been to go on a bit of an educational rant in the public advertising area and work out my frustration that way. Do I have to? Yes, I think I do. I think we all have the obligation to care for each other. To help take that fear away. To help empower our fellow faggots. To show our peers that, you know what? Maybe your family is shit and your "friends" are homophobes and your neighborhood sucks, but here, in our community, I am going to look out for you and show you how to look out for yourself and most important of all, respect and love and care for you for who you are. That's the gay community I want to live in. Slutty and demented and nasty and piggy but also caring and respectful. So that's who I try to be.

One of the most alarming things about the raft of abortion laws coming out of the red states has been their desire to criminalize things like crossing state lines to procure an abortion (i.e. that Highway Patrol officer pulls you over as you're driving from Texas to New Mexico if your pregnant and he thinks you might be going to get an abortion), or "aiding and abetting" abortion (which could be anything from donating to abortion funds to driving that pregnant friend to merely putting them up for the night along the way). On top of that, we're also seeing laws originally designed to evade Roe that enable private causes of action against those assisting in an abortion (i.e. it's not just the cops coming after you but well-funded private anti-abortion groups and individuals can sue you civilly; as far back as the 16th century the common law has generally determined that this is a terrible idea because it's so easy to exploit for profit and to settle scores). One only needs to look at very recent Irish history to see just how crazy this can get. And while Alito and Kavanaugh JJ. were at great pains to say that Dobbs doesn't strictly imply the end of Griswold, Lawrence, or Obergefell, given how they both flat-out lied to Congress about their positions of Roe, let's just say I take such assurances with a pillar of salt. We also know that Congress is hostile to pretty much anyone sex positive; viz. FOSTA-SESTA (i.e. the sex worker endangerment act) and have their eyes on going after porn as well (and First amendment guarantees from this Supreme Court don't exactly inspire much confidence, And, of course, let's not forget our events are being targeted by fascists. Though the cops did do their job. This time. So what can we do? It is absolutely unacceptable and indeed dangerous for our personal information to be beyond our own control online. Pinkwashing notwithstanding, total surveillance capitalism contains within it all the tools that radical right wingers and fascists need to identify us, locate us, impose their will on us, erase us, and kill us. Should they come to power, these corporations will have no problem with selling us out. Look at how they've acted in China. Ditch them. Ditch the internet as much as possible. Learn how to protect your private data and follow through and do it. Be politically engaged and active. If you're American, of course you should be enraged by what Republicans and right wing radicals and fascists are doing. But you should also be enraged by the Democrats, who have been exploiting this situation to fundraise and cement themselves in political office. Hold their fucking feet to the fire. Because, time and again we've elected them and time and again they've caved. Fight for those things that no-one else will. Porn. Sex workers. Fight to get rid of vice squads. Fight for drug decriminalization and harm reduction. Fight for all those things that make "normal" and "moral" people uncomfortable. Be willing to be the guy speaking up for unpopular causes. This is exactly what Pride is supposed to be about. So don't be embarrassed. Our motto should be WWLFD? (What Would Larry Flynt Do?) We need more out-of-the-box thinking. The Satanists using a form of legal aikido to convert religious freedom laws from attacks on us to assets? That kind of thing. Find a church that's dying and take it over in the name of Venus/Aphrodite and Cupid/Eros. A lot of our events are damn near religious experiences anyways. Let's formalize the process and do it out in the fucking open. Let's make pulling out your dick and rubbing one out a sacrament and demand that the high school football team engage in our kind of prayer, or go and pray for the souls of those poor benighted heathens. For that matter, why shouldn't Molly or K or whatever be part of our sacred rituals? There are already precedents for this elsewhere. Acquire and learn how to use a firearm. We are just as entitled to AR-15s as the bullies are. And guns ain't going away anytime soon in the US. So we've got to make the fascists afraid of us. We cannot count on the cops. Some of them are fascists and/or homophobes themselves. And even if they aren't, if you learn nothing else from Uvalde, it's that when push comes to shove, cops will save their own skin before going out on a limb to save you or me. I'm sure there's more. I'm sure this is controversial for some of you. Or maybe you've got more ideas. But one thing is clear: the radical right is out to get us and no-one else is coming to the rescue. We've got to look to ourselves.

After a stint in the Army that had me posted to Fort Campbell, KY, I've definitely got an appreciation for rednecks, hillbillies, and poor white trash. Probably helps that half my family comes from back up in the mountains of eastern Kentucky. But they ain't all right wingers and MAGAts. There's definitely a subset that's both hot and won't try to deny your humanity. Go for them, man. Edit: also don't forget that there's what you see in porn and then there's reality. And the reality is that most MAGAts are ugly motherfuckers (literally) riding around on a hoveround who can't get it up due to the diabeetus. Also, I would totally do the "almost politically correct redneck," because, bless his heart, he is trying.

The gentleman in question didn’t respond, but I’d hazard a guess that it’s not so much “protection” that is his core belief, but “responsibility.” Instead of relying on the state, or even a private security service, he would prefer to personally ensure the safety and security of his family and property with his own means of protection. Likewise, he probably feels that there are some actions that a human being can take that do merit death. When we have determined that someone has acted in such a way, then capital punishment is an appropriate response. Or to put it another way, if we are genuinely responsible for the things that we do, then if we do commit an act that is truly heinous, we ought to responsibly bear the consequences that our choices bring about, even if it results in our death. (My own thoughts on the question largely align with those of Gandalf) Thus we see the position of conservatives in this country NOT to enforce any vaccine mandate. It is for the individual to take responsibility for the choices s/he makes and to bear the consequences of those decisions. Now, the flaw is immediately apparent: it’s all very well to make that decision for yourself, perhaps even for your family. But your actions do carry broader implications for the community at large, and so the community, via its governmental institutions, does have a right to take measures to promote the general health and welfare. Likewise on the question of abortion: if you fuck a woman, you both should be prepared to accept responsibility for the fruit of that action, in this case pregnancy. In our context, the consequences of our decision to bareback can be HIV. What does taking responsibility for that look like? Should we, like the pregnant woman, be exposed to the full ramifications of our decision? If that’s true, then just as the government should not mitigate unwanted pregnancy through abortion, then perhaps too the government should not take steps to mitigate HIV either. If there were no Ryan White, then perhaps people would be more careful about who they bareback with. Of course, consequences and responsibility can always be avoided if you’re wealthy enough. You can hire a legal eagle to get you off that murder charge. You can travel to wherever you need to go to get that abortion. You can afford to pay for your own medical care and pharmaceuticals if you contract HIV. We’ve seen the results in the so-called “trust fund baby,” who are generally among the most irresponsible people of all. So should we all be thus shielded from the results of our actions? Your correspondant might well say, “No.” He might even deplore how the wealthy do evade responsibility for what they do (and to be sure, many conservatives have been up in arms over l’affaire Jeffrey Epstein/Ghislaine Maxwell). But even, he might say, if some do get away with it does not mean that we all should.

I had gotten out of the Army a couple years prior. My abilities were probably at their zenith: I was disciplined and confident. I felt I could accomplish anything I set my hand to, and not without justification. I’d just gone from a successful military career where absolutely none of the skills valued were ones that came naturally to me; I succeeded regardless. At the time, I was enrolled in my BA program at Arizona State. I never received a single grade there less than an “A.” I was enrolled in the Honors College and had been awarded a full ride scholarship. I thought I was prepared for HIV. In retrospect, I was not. It threw me off my game. I still maintained my grades (I eventually graduated summa cum laude many years later and am a member of Phi Beta Kappa) but my life was never the same again. I regained an echo of that confidence just once more, about fifteen years later, but it was a passing thing. It took me some time to notice it, but I don’t think it a coincidence now that my other great scourge seriously picked up at about the same time.

In general, I'd say none of us knows, or knew, or will ever know what we have gotten ourselves into. I thought I knew what to expect. I didn't. I thought I'd gotten a handle on it. I hadn't. I've lived with it now almost twenty years. I find myself losing that war of attrition. I'm tired beyond words. Very, very tired. And I've no-one left worth living for.

I am approximately one month away from turning 50. I really didn't pay much mind to turning 20, 30, or 40. They came and passed without me feeling much different. Fifty feels different. So I'd kind of like to ask your advice on two topics: 1) If you're 50 or over, did this seem like an important event to you? Has your life changed much since passing the half-century mark? Does the world, especially other gay men, treat you differently? I've always striven to age gracefully instead of following the lead of many other gay men. I've refused to dye my hair. I do not lie about my age. I am what I am and I won't try to hide it. So what advice can you offer me to continue in that same path? 2) For everybody, I'm trying to come up with a suitable way of marking and celebrating the experience. I've already got plans in mind for family and close friends, so set them aside. I feel I need to do something...bigger, and for me, if at all possible. And I want it to be about my sexuality, because that has been what I have built my life around. The difficulty is that I will be on quite a limited budget. There's not a lot of money for airfare or hotel rooms over several nights or anything like that. I am used to finding inexpensive places to stay and ways to eat. I don't mind a Spartan lifestyle as long as it's in service of other things, like admission to a sex party or whatever. If there's a particular spot you think would be right for me to visit for this, I can probably find a way to get myself there somehow. I essentially see myself doing this alone. I'm single, and kind of long to be out exploring again and free to be a total pig, rather like many experiences in my twenties. So give me your advice and suggestions. How should I mark this momentous occasion?

If you were to ask me what does the ideal of mansex look like, it would be something like this...men fucking men without regard for anything at all. Not age, not appearance, not build, not whether you know him, could be your favorite porn star, could be your worst enemy, could be your father, brother, cousin, uncle, or could be a stranger passing through town, could be a virgin out for his first sexual experience, could be a guy with AIDS out on his last hurrah. And it don't matter. Everyone fucks and gets fucked, all loads are shot where they belong, and lust and the sexual drive rule everyone in the sweaty mass of fucking men. The only thing that matters is raw cock in ass, fucking, breeding, spreading seed, taking loads--Whose loads? Who cares? Anyone's. Everyone's. This is what men are born to do and be. Fuck! I gotta get to FTL

It's absolutely true that being the one bottom in a gang bang is insanely hot. Have you any idea how much WORK it is to set up? An ex of mine and myself set something along those lines up for the two of us as a bit of a birthday present to ourselves one year. Posting the party ad on BBRT was just the first step. We did the same thing on every other site we could think of (verdict: BBRT's party ad got us maybe two or three guys. We had one recruit from a similar ad on Adam4Adam. ) The best thing we did was to arrange to be invited to a fairly large monthly sex party where we lived. I printed up a sheet of trick cards (that is business cards with the date, time, and place and our contact info), and whenever we came across a guy we thought would add to the fun, after fucking around we'd tell him about the party and give him a card so he'd have our info, It was low-tech but it worked well. I think having a physical reminder helped keep our flake proportion relatively low. We also scoured the hookup sites for men who appealed and who seemed to have the right attitude and reached out to them directly. We keep track of the whole thing in an Xcel spreadsheet IIRC. We almost got derailed by problems with parking and security at the hotel we'd chosen, but in the end that all worked out OK. Still, that could have been better researched. We ran out of towels. Remember the logistics! In the end it was a grand success. Beautifully cummy asses on us. Tons of fun. But work! And so much planning! We also did it on the cheap. Sleazy motel, a case of water, not too much lube (as it happens it wasn't needed at all really...spit got us started and cum got us home). I don't think we even put porn up on the TV. It would have been a distraction anyways. We wrapped up early enough to hit the bar and have a drink (and I got one more load dumped into me in the men's room). Plenty of money (to hire tops) would have made things a little easier but only a little. And we were fortunate in that we had had sex with most of the guys before, so we knew there was mutual attraction. So relationships definitely help too. I'd totally do it again under the right circumstances. But essentially we found you have to start out planning at least a couple months in advance. By contrast, I have had one time where the stars just aligned and everything went my way and I got well into double digits at a bathhouse with zero planning, just luck. It helps that I was a fair bit younger (I've never understood the attraction of fucking a twenty-something but for some damn reason it sure is popular). I consider it a once in a lifetime event. I got that instead of willing the lottery.

Is it just me or is the younger generations just kinda...lame? I mean I think the way they are rebelling is by basically want nice little suburban lives with their husband and 2.5 dogs and nothing more out of the norm than a hush-hush trip to IML or something where they wander around watching stuff happen and collecting stories for their next dinner party. Apparently they're all wanting to be Nancy Reagan now. Do you know, I actually have seen them on multiple occasions LOOKING through a glory hole to see who's on the other side? Way to completely defeat the purpose there! You do understand that anonymous barebacking is your birthright as a homo, right? Hell even the NY DPH says that in this time of Covid were should be having more anonymous gloryhole sex, not less. Or maybe I'm just old and unattractive now. Dog knows I never appealed to the pretty boy set who don't hit the baths to get laid so much as to stand around and conspicuously shoot guys down as some kind of Mean Girls kink. It sucks because to the extent I was desirable in my 20s I was happy to get with men twice my age or more. Hell, they could be some of the best sex I had (case in point the 50-something Chicago leather daddy who gave me my first fist). Seriously though, when did sex become about who you exclude? That's what the straights do with their monogamy crap. Sex for us is all about who you include, with as wide a variety from as many different ages, races, body types, experience levels, kinks, backgrounds, etc. That's what will make you an interesting, experienced and well rounded lover. Sex within the small circle of your "type" just makes you boring. Since when did we have to approach consent as if we're all fucking females looking for an excuse to call a lawyer? Non-verbal consent (through eye contact and gesture, through a touch, a brush, that tentative finger on the hole, through fucking dropping your pants and bending over and waving your ass as you finger lube into your hole; through grabbing at your crotch, outlining your bulge, pulling out your dick and stroking as you stare...all of these non verbally express interest in the context of a backroom, bath, ABS, cruisy park or restroom, etc. And yet, apparently these days we don't even approach a stranger in a dark room but only use it as a place to go in with the guy we already know. And how the hell are these kids handed PrEP and PEP and U=U on a silver goddamn platter and somehow seem LESS likely to bareback then the men I met 20-25 years ago? I'm quite pleased that I started barebacking routinely prior to the discovery of the cocktails. I was taking anonymous loads in my ass before there was effective treatment, knowing the risks. I love what that says about my sense of priorities when I was in my 20s. What's the priority of kids in their 20s today? I dunno, a new Google phone? Getting a thousand followers on Instagram? Figuring out how to carry on a conversation in the real world? (That's obviously not a priority) It's kind of revealing that the one big new kink that's taken hold since 2000 is the pup thing. Now, I love the workmanship. I love the inventiveness. I love the playfulness. But I can't help but wonder if a big reason it's popular is that you get to hide your face in public and (in many cases) aren't allowed to talk to people except from barks, wags, and growls. Now it's not everyone. There are some awesome pigs in the 20- and 30- something set. They are my hope for the future of gay men. But they seem few and far between. They certainly aren't the role models they should be. For fuck's sake Pete Buttigieg is apparently who the next generation wants to be, Dog help us all. When the fuck did we look at suburban life in Tulsa or Kokomo and decide, "You know? That looks pretty damn good!" Safety and Boredom is apparently the life we want now.