Maybe if I write this all down, I can maybe figure out why I did this.
It all happened so fast. When I first started talking with Jordan on Grindr, I wouldn't have guessed that he was HIV positive. I know that you can't really tell but I just didn't expect such a hot guy to have HIV. It wasn't until our third date as we were walking through the French Quarter that Jordan revealed as much. Maybe it was because Jordan was so hot, or perhaps it was because I had had a boner for the previous half hour as I glanced at his bulge while we were walking and talking. For whatever the reason, I wasn't as shocked as I thought I would be.
I wasn't as shocked as I thought I would be the first time I sucked off Jordan. And I wasn't shocked as I swallowed the big load delivered by his enviable, long and thick cock. So, I probably shouldn't have been shocked a couple of weeks later when I was laying in my bed face down as he was about to fuck me for the first time. He was so sweet and charming. He could have talked me into anything and he didn't even have to try and persuade me. It was two months of pent up desire: I HAD TO FEEL HIS DICK INSIDE ME, I wanted to scream.
"Are you certain you don't want me to wear a condom?" he asked me. Okay, I guess it was more of a warning than a question. His question subtly reminded me he wasn't undetectable. He had explained that in switching meds his viral level was a "...little out of control."
There was no reasoning with me, though, as I NEEDED him to fuck me, and I had to feel it raw. "Fuck me," was all I could manage to say in response. Before I knew it his tongue was in my hole and I was in heaven. And shortly thereafter his dick was slowly fighting its way into my tight hole. "Are you sure you want it?" he asked ever so gently.
Only one response came to mind: "Fuck yes!"
Jordan tried to reassure me or maybe persuade me. "We can stop at any point. Just say when you want me to stop." All I could focus on was the bliss of his thickness slowly plunging into me. I was somewhat surprised at how good it felt as in the past, even smaller cocks had hurt more. I suppose Jordan knew exactly how to fuck me. It was supposed to be this way, or so it seemed. Before I knew it, he was slowly pumping me all the way in and out. I can't explain how incredible it felt. In any event the experience was beyond intoxicating.
Still, looking back I suppose I should have been shocked when Jordan seemed to transform. The gentle soft-spoken PhD student from Shreveport started to say some rather dark things in my ear. "I had a feeling you would like a poz dick fucking your ass." Somewhere in the back of my head, I knew this was a rather fucked up thing for him to say. But, I was too turned on to dispute him. And that only seemed to encourage him, "Yeah, take my poz dick in your tiny boyhole, you little slut."
I felt kinda ashamed, and a little afraid hearing Jordan verbalize such notions. But, I was also turned on. And I never thought such deviance could arouse me so much. Before I knew it, I was encouraging him with each thrust. My feedback only seem to reinforce his darker tendencies. Only moments later, he past the point of all decency and conventional norms when he murmured softly into my ear "Each time I pump my dick into you, I'm taking a month of your life away from you."
Then he slammed his dick into me harder than usual as if he wanted me to take extra notice. A few pumps later, he casually remarked "There go the rest of your 20s." In the back of my mind, I knew this was crazy. But, why then was I so turned on? A few moments later, he piston-fucked me relentlessly and then paused for a moment to comment "There went your 30s."
I didn't quite get what he was saying until that point. "I'm fucking the life out of ou right now." I felt a sense of panic but the pleasure was still all-too-consuming. "Here go your forties," he said followed by ten deliberate jabs. The thrusts were unbelievably erotic though and the display of power he was showing me was persuasive. "You want more?" he asked as my mind raced to find some logic. I couldn't find it.
"Yes, fuck my fifties away," I responded. Without a word he immediately complied. I didn't think he could hit me any deeper inside, but somehow his next series of jabbing thrusts hit a place deep inside me that I never experienced. I shrieked unexpectedly. But, found the pleasure still consumed me.
My orgasm was mounting. I was confused, excited, terrified, but spell-bound. I didn't want him to stop. "You are getting closer and closer to death," he whispered into my ear and he jack-hammered me. I had no sensation of time as he jackhammered my hole. I had never before been so rock hard. And my ass felt incredible full of his cock. Then he announced "You are nearing your eighties now. I don't think you're gonna make it much pass 100."
It was only then that logic managed to creep into my brain: I'm lettinng a poz guy fuck me. This is fucking crazy! Still I couldn't bring myself to object. "This poz dick is taking your last remaining years," he commented just before he started to moan and grunt, finally asking "Are you ready to die?!?"
As I felt his cock stiffen even harder I nearly screamed "Fuck yeah, kill me with your cock!"
His pace was frantic, and I was about to shoot my load any moment. "Get ... unh .. read .. for .. oblivion!!" I felt his hands grab my neck and he squeezed unbelievably hard. What the fuck?
"Hey!" I tried to yell, but his clasp around my neck tightened and I found I couldn't make a sound. I was dizzy and light-headed. Maybe all the blood was going to my cock? I was barely conscious as felt his dick erupt inside me, but, just as Jordan unloaded in my hole I realized I was also shooting my jizz. I tried to catch my breath, but then everything went black.
I woke up three hours later to a splitting headache. Jordan was gone and my ass was very sore. Had Jordan choked me to the point of causing me to pass out? What the hell just happened?
That was two weeks ago. Jordan hasn't answered my phone calls or texts since then. What the fuck?!
