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NOTE: This posting is not part of the retelling/story. It is meant to explain the approach taken to write the story - "how the sausage gets made." If you want sex, check out the posts labeled "PART # - XXXX" When I sat down to begin writing the story of the 6-days I spent as the Submissive to three Dominants ( as well as many others who would come and go throughout that time), I honestly thought it was going to be as easy as the other stuff I’ve written. Even those write-ups/stories I did very close to the end of things happening, my memories of this time back in 2010 felt strong enough to me that I felt I could write about them reliably. It was only after I began thinking back and trying to walk myself through the weeks/months leading up to it, and the short time I cover after it occurred, that I realized how much I had not thought about in a long time, and how vivid those memories because so quickly once I started to jog my memory. It felt almost like I was there again, in those rooms, wearing the gear, feeling, smelling, touching… If you read the Sorrowful Author’s Note, you’ll know that the only three people knowledgeable about everything that went on, including the planning, cannot be contacted – two died, and one disappeared himself (my belief). So I had no one I could contact to validate my memory, which was inherently different because 1) I couldn’t see most of the time, 2) I had no idea what was happening moment to moment and 3) as a central role as the only Sub, my experience was inherently different than everyone else. I think my different experience and the loss of three friendships afterwards caused me to bury this a little bit. Anyway, I wanted to make sure that I was telling this story, documenting my approaches, testing my memory, and being forthright when I just didn’t know something. The following outlines some of the approaches I took in writing this that helped me make sure I was a reliable storyteller for you, the reader. Hope you enjoy, Boy WRITING PRINCIPLES & GUARDRAILS: “The Trunk and the Cage” takes place in 2010, over 15 years ago. only other primary characters who can corroborate, refute, or clarify what’s written are either dead or disappeared. As I began to write, I knew I had to establish some “ground rules” for how I would portray the event. I had some questions I knew would come up. How would I deal with things that were unclear to me because of my role in the event? How would I convey dialog – much more than what I wrote was said, but how would I choose what to include and what not to? Was I comfortable with telling a story with so many others involved, three of whom I knew closely, without them checking me? I used the following principles as tests against writing to ensure that this was a piece of historical event-based storytelling versus a complete work of fiction: 1. Use of “best memory” standard – similar to the legal “best evidence” rule. The story as told here reflects the events and communications that took place to my best recollection. Where unsure, I record this in the writing with phrases like “I don’t remember” or “I don’t know.” I believe what is written is a true telling of my perspective on this event, to the best of my recollection. 2. Added details to support sexual storytelling – no one measured each other’s dicks; I don’t know people’s exact heights or weights. Some of the gear and toys I never saw, only felt, so I make some assumptions based on what I’ve seen since and my other senses. Some details have been added based on my best guess of reality and making all attempts to avoid exaggeration. 3. Describing the other participants – in recounting these parts of the story, I have no way of identifying these people, even as “the white guy with short hair” or “the black dude wearing the blue sweater.” I could not see anything. When important I’ll do my best to distinguish these other participants. There were plenty of times where other than my three Doms, I couldn’t tell if it was one person (e.g.) fucking me, then a different person, or the same person again. 4. Acceptance of 1-party point of view – it is impossible for me to bring back Jason (Ethan) and Jacob from beyond the grave to speak about this experience, and as I note in the Author’s Note, I’ve attempted to reach out to Alex throughout the years and have never been able to find him. There is no way for me to confirm my 1st party account with anyone else. Understanding how lack of corroboration can make stories or reports less trusted, I’ve accepted that whether people believe this to be true and accurate, or if they don’t, I’m still happy for the work that I did. 5. Dialog – to the best of my memory, much of what is written as dialog in the story is similar to what the various conversations were through the days. It would be impossible for me to remember these conversations exactly, but as I wrote the chapters I was able to go back in my mind and remember certain phrases, ways each of the people involved spoke (things they’d say frequently, their tone), I remember “Boy” being used a lot. It is impossible for me to remember all this, but the various conversational interludes were significant because I wasn’t spoken to very often so times when there were conversations were significant. 6. Descriptions of Physical Environment – Because I was blindfolded the majority of the time, it’s impossible for me to say exactly how things looked or were positioned. I know what the layout of the floor of the house looked like and where furniture and other items were. For the “events” I was often led around if there were changes made to the house and told what had changed. But I never saw it. For the purposes of the story, I wrote based on my other senses and the descriptions given to me during walkthroughs. RECURRING ELEMENTS / THEMES / ETC There is a separate post which overviews the main characters of the story, including myself, the Dominants, the Others, etc. This section deals with how I approached some other “characters” in the story – like time, the role of sensory deprivation, the parties, the “structure” of the days, etc. Early on, even on Day 1, I had a strong sense already that this had been planned and orchestrated with great detail. It didn’t feel like it wasn’t flexible or fluid, though I’m sure some things like the parties had to be centered around a start and end time. But I did get the sense that the sequence of events, what needed to happen, who was responsible, and how it would get done were very well thought through. It was about Day 3 when I started to really feel like I had a sense of what was happening in which order, even though the “what” constantly changed. So, to that end, the planning and orchestration is probably another character that deserves to be discussed, but I was not privy to any of it and have no information to share. That will have to be a mystery. SENSORY DEPREVATION – VISION I will continue to reflect on the important role this played. It’s one thing to close your eyes for a short period of time, like when playing Hide-N-Go-Seek. It’s another entirety to have completely blacked out vision for hours at a time while in an environment you’re not controlling and unsure of what to expect. I truly believe this is what makes the memories so tangible and real to me even to this day – my other senses filled in the gaps my blindness left behind, and in many ways made the experience more vivid. Except for maybe a total of 1 hour during the course of 6 days, I was blindfolded by heavy duty dark out blindfolds. Even when not blindfolded, I was faced towards a wall or corner and told not to look around. This played a significant role in my experience: 1. Spatial orientation – initially, I was completely unable to navigate any space without holding on to a wall. This lessened as time went on. The space would change daily, however, and I wasn’t able to see how things had changed, rather I was given a verbal walk through of the space and had to re-figure it out. 2. Sense of Day or Night – I was unable to see if it was daylight or nighttime. And also, being without a clock, the passage of time wasn’t guessable because I simply couldn’t tell how much light (or dark) was in the sky. 3. Identification – though not as critical for me, my inability to identify any characteristics of the anonymous gusts or randoms gave me no information at all. Also, there were objects, toys, gear that I never saw either. In some cases, I could distinguish items or the material it was made of – metal feels one way, plastic and other synthetics have their own feel, leather has a unique tactile quality as well. I cannot be absolutely sure that I’m right, though, because I never saw many things. Eliminating my ability to see created significant challenges initially. It also caused me to increase the use of my hearing, touch, and smell to offset what I did not get via visual stimulus. I also believe that the reason my memories of this experience are so vivid is because they are not based on the “cheap trick” of sight. When we use sight to form the memory, it is because the most powerful by default. When you record memory based on multiple additional senses integrated to form the memory, it inherently is more powerful. SENSORY DEPREVATION – TIME Awareness of what time it is, how much time has elapsed, the expected duration of activities … these play a considerable role in our experiences on a day-to-day basis. Depriving me of my sense of sight meant that I could not see if it was daytime or nighttime, nor could I see any clocks if there were any. This created a weird mental morphing of time. Some short duration things felt long, some long duration things felt short. There was a general sense to the beginning, middle, and end of each day. · Morning to Mid-Day: Each day began with Boy being moved to the shower to receive the piss from the Dominants as they began their day. This was followed by breakfast. · Mid-Day: Another meal, followed by “free play” where I was allowed to stand upright and move around the living room. I then took a nap in my cage or on the couch. · Evening to Late Night Bed: Boy was prepared for the party of the evening including preparing any gear, toys, or accessories needed. · After Party to Bed: Boy was relieved of his party specific duties and gear, allowed to wash himself, and prepare for bed. The Dominants and Boy would then frequently watch some TV on the couch until Boy was put to bed. Throughout, there were structured training sessions, physical training, hypnosis, additional sensory deprivation, training with various sexual implements, and other activities chosen by the Dominants. Visits by the Randoms also occurred throughout this time. REINFORCING THE TRAINING – THE PARTIES Every night, the Dominants hosted an invite-only theme-based event which included 5 to 7 (my guess) anonymous guests, who the Dominants had somehow selected. Each night’s party had a theme. Night one, for example, was about watersports. Night 4 was fisting. The final night was “anything goes.” You can read about them as they unfold. Each day’s training, as well as the cumulative impact of the prior days training, were meant to prepare the Boy for that night’s party. For the fisting party, as an example, that day’s training focused on full insertion of the hand in to the Boy, and finding any additional ways to make progress by that night. The previous days training had focused on his stretching and elasticity, and his mental focus to loosen his hole muscles. The Boy arrived at the event a very inexperienced fisting bottom – it would not have been possible for him to arrive at the fisting “party” and take a first at all without the prior days training. All that is to say that, all of the training throughout the days led me to be able for the parties, and the parties increased in challenge in so much as it wasn’t just about an unfamiliar or intense activity (heavy watersports, which requires little physical training) as being fisted – where I needed to have worked on mental and physical conditioning prior. The one question I have that will never be answered though – if I hadn’t been ready on Night 4 for the fisting party – if things hadn’t gone to plan, what would have happened? Would they have changed the theme (presumably the guests were interested in fisting and may not be interested in something else)? Would they have cancelled the event entirely? Would they have forced me to endure (I don’t think so)? I don’t know what contingency planning they had built in. I felt very comfortable with each of the parties and when I learned what the night’s focus was going to be, I felt confident in my ability to play my role. The only thing I found lingering in my brain over and over was simply that I didn’t know who the other people were that I was having the “party” with – and I never will. I give great credit to Jason, Jacob and Alex though – however they selected these people, it was a low drama and comfortable experience. (With the exception of the first night where there was a little issue that got corrected.) REGARDING PHOTO / VIDEO ARTIFACTS The Dominants were insistent with other participants that no phones be allowed in the house during the event, and I believe either Alex and Jacob were responsible for briefly frisking people and they were vigilant about monitoring my surroundings. Therefore, I don’t believe any photos were taken. I also don’t believe that Jason, Jacob, or Ethan took photos of me at any point, though in our consent conversation I told them I was okay with it, just as long as it was only them, and we reviewed them together and only under mutual agreement would we share them. In our debrief dinner, nothing about any photos or videos were discussed. Beyond that, in 2010, camera phones that could do both pics and vid did exist, but the quality of the images was poor if not shot under the most ideal conditions – and these were not those conditions. Moreover, most people did not back up to the cloud so lots of photos got lost, and social media was new enough there weren’t really any places to share anything other than texting. So my belief is that even if some pics/vids of those nights existed, they are probably now long-gong digital dust. SAFETY & USE OF SUBSTANCES: · Any time there was anyone else but Jason, Jacob, and Alex in the house with me, all three were present if not by my side, within very short distance. · Safer Sex / STIs / HIV: We discussed this both during the Consent discussion prior to the event starting as well as after. We all agreed that this would be a condom-free event, but Others/Randoms could use a condom if they wanted. There were no condoms used. There was no screening for status for STIs or HIV, though I cannot imagine that the Dominant’s – however they selected these people – didn’t favor a less risky group. The point was not about STI or HIV acquisition. To my knowledge, none of us got an STI/HIV originating from this event. · There were no drugs or alcohol used during the entire event by me or the Dominants. I cannot be sure whether the Others or the Randoms may have used substances prior to arriving, though Jason did confirm with me that they had made it clear that the organizers and the sub would be drug and alcohol free and they’d prefer participants also be. · I was told there was one other person who did not participate in the event and was not aware of the events details. This person had regular check-in times at the beginning and end of the day, as well as a couple of times during the party. One of the Dominants had to respond within 10 minutes with some confirmation that all was well, and if they did not, this person would call the cops and report suspicion of foul play. I did not witness this, but Jason told me they had planned for a bad act contingency. THE DOMINANTS AND MY CONFIDENTIALITY: I was assured and I believe it to be true that the Dominants took my confidentiality extremely seriously, as well as their own. We all had the same employer, so to burn me through this process would endanger all of us. During group events which included more than the Dominants and me, everyone wore masks to obscure faces. They were not full blackout hoods, so if a participant knew one of us closely, they may have been able to identify us even with the mask in place. Invites were all electronic but may have initially been discussed face to face by the Dominants with the person being invited. My face was fully obscured in the electronic invite and the words “attractive, successful young professional” next to my blacked-out face. There was not, at the time, a way of limiting forwarding of emails to other individuals by the person being invited, even though the invite specifically stated it could not be forwarded and the invite was awarded only to the person the invite had been addressed. I did not share any information about the overarching co-event or the individual evening events. I could not have. I didn’t know it existed prior to being at the event site and learning from Jason the exact nature of what was going to happen if I agreed to the conditions. At that point, I had no access to a mobile for or internet for the duration of the experience. The Dominants all emphatically stated they did not violate our understanding of maintaining confidentially and the parameters surrounding how the event details were shared, including who the Submissive or other Dominants were. As mentioned above, I had no ability to do so as I was not aware until my communication ties had already been cut. Confidential Oddities: The Dominants reported no instances of weird remarks or other indicators that may indicate confidentiality had been broken. We discussed briefly after the event had concluded and before I departed what had occurred with the watersports event, evolving from an invite-only event to a somewhat open-door free-for-all. (This was corrected for the next days and all subsequent events. I had five instances of things said to me during the events that in some cases I found curious and in other cases off-putting at minimum and concerning or alarming and worst. The comments I recall clearly are: · “Hey J, looks like you’re living life.” Low worry: I wrote this off as me mishearing what he said. Maybe he said “Hey G” or something else. Very few people call me “J” as a nick name, none of whom were the person in question. · “Good to see this side of you, who knew?” Moderate worry: This implied to me that they had seen “the other side of me” – or the day to day, professional, guy out in the world, not a person at an invite only sex party. Or it could imply that they had enough information to identify me outside, meaning in some way I had been identified as the Submissive. · “You know you know who I am. Or you will when I’m inside you.” High worry: To begin with, this person leaned very close to my ear to whisper this, far closer than others had when they said things. Second, they had a kind of creepy, mean, evil voice that also felt like a voice I had heard before. Third, the words imply that I would be able to identify them based on the feeling of having their dick inside me and the tone of the message is one that seemingly wishes to intimidate me. I initially wrote it off because just earlier, Ethan and Jacob and I had discussed taking anonymous dick and how gay bottoms will sometimes say things like “I don’t’ care what dick it is” implying that they are all the same. I asked Ethan and Jacob if they had spoken about this to any of the party guests, and they both said absolutely not, especially because it wasn’t relevant to that party’s purpose. This also reminded me of the one time when I was having anonymous sex at home and the guy who brought his friend began choking me while having sex, not playfully, but with the intent to harm or kill. It was only his friend’s intervention that stopped things. It could be the same person, who is someone I worked with at Microsoft, but this seemed like a huge leap for him to go out of his way to get to this party. · “I’ll see you later after this whole thing is over.” Medium worry: Again, there was a sense from the words that this person planned or expected to find me in public either accidentally (in which case they make the assumption they could identify me without the mask) or; that they knew who I was and we frequented similar locations, etc. I could not identify him, nor did he look familiar in any way based on what I was able to see. · “Does your mom know that you’re doing this?” Low worry: This is kind of a generic riff on a shame or worry inducing statement used in multiple arenas. Assuming this was not about me specifically, it’s just an asshole statement to make who someone how is sitting in front of you naked, covered in piss, and being used by a bunch of men. At the worst, what exactly would he say? There was no photography allowed, and camera phones were not even a thing, so was he going to run to my mother and say, “I saw Jason covered and filled with piss at this party I was at.” My mom: “And what party was that.” He burns himself and provides his own proof of attendance but cannot provide any corresponding proof that I was, in fact, the person he saw at this party. The most alarming to me was “You know you know who I am. Or you will when I’m inside you.” It left me with a strange impression that I may have dated or slept with this person before, and that they had some type of negative feeling about that engagement and were attempting to intimidate me.