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  1. This story is quite long and though I have come to a point where I could stop and it would be a complete story in itself, I plan to continue adding to it. I think the background and build up is necessary to understand and feel the full affect. Because of the length of what I have written so far, I will post it in installments giving readers a chance to digest each segment. I am posting it in this section even though the beginning installments contain no mention of chems except alcohol and poppers. Chems do come into play later and I wanted to keep it all together. Comments are welcome and I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing it. I will add that a large portion of the story is based upon real life events with the remainder of it being fantasy just waiting for the right time, the right place, the right situation, and the right people for it to become reality. Enjoy. “Seeking a Positive Attitude” was the title of the ad that just popped up in Casual Encounters M for M on Craigslist. I didn’t need to open it to know what it said, because it was my ad. I wrote it. But I am getting ahead of myself. I am a late 50’s, bi white male. Just your average guy. Six feet tall, about 220 lbs. I am slowly working on losing about 40 lbs. but currently I am a bit of bear. I am considered attractive by both women and men. I have a good professional career and my wife (female) and I enjoy a comfortable upper middle class life. Respected by my coworkers, friends, and neighbors, nobody even suspects that I also enjoy sex with men or the wild fantasies I have. Playtime is typically just quick masturbation sessions while watching porn when I have some alone time. My choice of porn is very broad including straight, bi, tranny, and of course gay. Occasionally I have the opportunity to stop by an adult bookstore and sometimes I will get lucky and have a quick hookup. Honestly I would love to be able to hookup much more often. I occasionally have an out of town meeting for work that requires me to stay overnight. On these trips I usually try to hit an adult bookstore or two, maybe an adult theater, or a bathhouse. Although I enjoy my time and may suck a cock or two, get mine sucked, and jerk off, rarely do I get involved with any anal play or fucking. Not that I am not interested in it. Just the opposite. I would love to be fucked bare/RAW and filled to overflowing with cum. The problem is I am scared of HIV and the impact it could have on my life. Many years ago, I did have one friend that I would hook up with regularly, who I knew was Neg, that I would let fuck me raw, but he moved away. I guess I could allow a guy to fuck me with a condom, but as soon as the condoms come out, I lose interest. I am a bit of a popper freak. Poppers make me very horny and loosen me up. I use a plastic water bottle with paper toweling in it saturated with poppers. It allows me to use them in any position without worrying about spilling them, plus the hits are much bigger and stronger. There have been a few isolated occurrences where I have had too much to drink and been doing poppers that my inhibitions have dropped enough and I have let a guy slip into my raw. I have always been a compulsive masturbator. Sometimes it is to porn, but when the time and place are not conducive to watching porn I have to rely on my fantasies. In my youth the fantasies were pretty vanilla but over time the fantasies lost their excitement and I would need to come up with a wilder one to get the same thrill. In a way I guess it is kind of like a drug addict. Over time the high is not as great as you get used to the drug and you have to increase the dosage. Over the years my masturbation fantasies grew from straight vanilla porn or fantasizing about someone I knew or saw on the street to fantasies of group sex, kinky sex, BDSM, bisexual and gay sex. As the fantasies grew so did the type of porn I would seek out to watch. First there were VCR tapes, then DVDs and eventually I could find anything I wanted on the internet. Even though I enjoyed watching gay porn and fantasized about gay sex, it was many years before I experienced it. But as with all of my fantasies, eventually the time, place and people would be right to experience it in reality. Once I finally tried gay sex, I was hooked. Sex with females required wining and dining and several dates to get to first base. Gay sex was almost always available 24-7 at a bookstore, theater, or bathhouse. Although I often saw others having sex bare, I only played safe. As the years went by, I discovered hookup sites like BBRT and BZ and others. Reading stories of guys fucking bareback always got me hard as a rock. The ones involving bug chasing, stealthing, converting, etc. repulsed me though. Why would anyone want to be infected with HIV or even worse knowingly infect someone else? But something about the stories kept me coming back to read more of them. Maybe it was the freedom to fuck anyone or be fucked by anyone after converting. I envied that freedom although it scared me and I would never actually do it. Soon I began to fantasize about being bred raw, letting strange guys shoot their load deep inside me. How hot would that be? Wouldn’t it be great to be able to let loose and not worry about HIV or AIDS and just let anyone give it to me bare? This was fine to fantasize about, but I would never really do it. I was safe to masturbate and hit my poppers and imagine an entire night in a bathhouse getting bred raw by every guy. But over time, just like all of my other past fantasies, eventually a desire to experience it in real life began to grow. But I would never actually allow myself to do it. It was too risky. I had read many many stories of guys saying they were negative and stealthing guys. I did not want HIV. But I would envy the guys I saw at the bookstores and bathhouses playing bare. How much fun they were having and I wasn’t. Our sexual urges are buried deep in our subconscious and exist at a primal level. Thus they are always lurking below our conscious thoughts, affecting them and driving them without our knowing it. My unfulfilled fantasies began to affect my behavior and my conscious desires. Over the past couple of years hormone changes had caused my wife’s desire for sex to dwindle to almost nothing. Rather than be upset about it, I actually was happy with it. The older I got the less I was interested in sex with females. The lack of sex did make me very horny but I preferred to get my release with men or through masturbation. I also found that I enjoyed drinking alcohol and using poppers when I masturbated or hooked up with a guy. It lowered my inhibitions and I began thinking maybe I could get over my fear and on occasion take a raw load if I believed the guy was negative. I also began watching a lot of bareback porn. If the guy had a condom on I would immediately stop watching it and find something else. On my out of town business trips I began packing a bottle of vodka or grain alcohol and something to mix with it in my suitcase. I typically would try to stay at motels rather than hotels. If I did invite a guy to my room at a motel he could just park outside my room and come in without having the bother of lobby staff at a hotel, especially late at night. My routine was pretty much the same. I would get ice in the ice bucket and have a drink or two as I got settled in my room and got my laptop setup. Then I would call my wife and let her know I was checked into a place for the night and then go out to eat, usually having a couple of more drinks. After dinner I would then head back to my room. My wife liked to know that I was back to my room safely so I would give her a quick call and tell her I was going to relax and watch some TV. In actuality I would fix another drink and log into all of my favorite hookup sites and let guys know I was looking to hook up and then post a few ads online. When I was finished I would get naked and head for the bathroom to clean myself out, touch up the shave job all around my cock, my balls and my hole and then take a shower. I would be naked the rest of the night. The rest of the evening I would watch porn on my computer, regularly check my email and the hookup sites for any responses, drink and edge my cock. I use wide rubber bands as cock rings as they provide lots of flexibility. They can go around my entire package, around just my ball sac, use it as a ball separator, or just wrap around the base of my cock. Plus depending on the number of twists I can make it any tightness that I want. With the rubber band cock rings I can keep my cock hard and on the edge for hours. If there were any guys interested in hooking up I would let them know that I was looking for late night play as I knew I would be on the phone saying goodnight to my wife around 11 PM. Little did she know that while we talked that I was naked, playing with my cock and watching porn (with the sound turned off). As soon as I would hang up the phone with my wife, I would post another ad or two online as I began making stronger drinks so that I would quickly begin to get high. I would also begin to takes hits of poppers. Although earlier in the evening I typically watched a variety of porn, I now would begin to watch strictly gay bareback porn. I would also begin playing with my hole. If I was lucky enough to find a guy that wanted to hook up, I would ask their status, let them know I required they wear a condom if they fucked me, etc. Sometimes I would just suck them or masturbate them to orgasm. A couple of times when I was really drunk and high on poppers I did let the guy stick his cock in me bare, but then I would get scared and make him pull out.
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