Feeder Posted February 6, 2012 Report Share Posted February 6, 2012 Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... Over the past year I have been trying to complete the three entries that I call My Predicament. I was able to finish the first one easily, the second one was a little more of a challenge, and the third is even more difficult. The reasons for this difficulty are numerous. First, the whole idea is to put into short story form bits and pieces of my reality. The first 'episode' is history really. I no longer cruise college restrooms for sex (although I am in no way opposed). The second entry was harder because I am still living it, and suspect I will be for a while, but I was able to step back a little to see what I was trying to write. The third is not completed as this is still something that is on the cusp of getting started in my life. Whether or not I actually start living the third stage depends on a lot of things. And these things are in no way settled. Another reason that I have found it difficult to write is less about my own internal struggles and desires and more about my family. My partner of almost two decades has been in a battle for his life against blood cancer. It started as Myelodysplastic Syndrome (MDS) which is classified as a sort of pre-cancer. It has now progressed to full blown Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML). Normally, when faced with emotional and anxiety ridden situations I make a beeline for sex. I know it is an escape and avoidance tool for me. In fact, I did exactly that recently, after a particularly stressful few days. The issue here though is that I am living way to close to what I am trying to write about in the third entry to actually be able to see what the story really is. That, and my normal tension of resisting something that could have bad consequences for me in spite of an overwhelming desire to proceed. I suspect that when I have finally written the third piece that all three will need to be re-written as a cohesive unit. There are things that are not totally clear and all three are intended to say something about life that I do not think I am getting at. One thing that I am going to try and do more of is write. This may mean I complete these three soon, or it may mean I need to go down other paths first so that the story can come to the surface. Time will tell. More... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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