My First Visit with Dr. Taylor

[Guest curiousnegbottom]

He took my insurance card, handed me a clipboard and told me to fill out the forms. He said he's be back in a few minutes.

Seeing a counselor wasn't something I'd done for a long time. Sure there was this nice lady I talked to in my college's mental health office when I was coming out, but since then I'd been fine on my own, if a little bit lonely.

But now I'd met this amazing guy and I didn't want to mess it up. As I scratched me answers on the forms with a nearly worn out pen, I realized I didn't have a good emergency contact like it asked me to fill in. I had a few close friends but nobody I'd consider family. My only path to that would be a boyfriend. And my only path to that was to be a good boyfriend right back, and maybe, eventually, be some guy's husband.

Dr. Taylor, the counselor, came back to collect the forms, gave me my insurance card back, and led me to his office. He had a kind face when he smiled, and a very stern face when he didn't. At 22 myself, I figured he was about twice my age. I settled in to a corner of the couch while he sat taking notes.

I told him the main reason I was there was I was dating a new guy and was feeling very jittery and unsure of myself with him. I'd messed up other dating situations and wanted to try to make this one work. He asked me how I felt I'd messed things up in past situations. I said I'd freeze up, start acting fake, lose my confidence, lose myself. Dr. Taylor said maybe in some of those cases I just didn't want to be with the person anymore but I wasn't listening to my gut so it was coming out in different ways. "Part of falling in love is it can just happen naturally," he said. "You don't have to force it."

:This new guy is different though," I said. "I really do want to be with him, but I'm very self-conscious and nervous."

Dr. Taylor leaned forward and asked me what was different about this guy.

"Three things, really. One, is he's the best looking guy I've ever dated. Two, he's twice my age, kinda like..."

"My," Dr. Taylor smiled, leaning back.

"Yes, I guess he's about your age. And three, he's HIV positive and I'm not."

"Okay, let's break this down. You're an extremely good looking young man yourself, so much so, that as we both signed the agreement that this would be s strictly therapeutic relationship, I regretted it instantly. Though my desire to help you outweighs any other."

I blushed and looked down.

"Ah, you don't take compliments that well, do you. Of course, I said what I just said to see how you would react. I'm going to encourage you to take in the compliment, let it feel good, and thank the person who complimented you. Look directly in his eyes, in this case me, and thank me."

"Thank you, Dr. Taylor."

"For what?"

"Thank you for saying that I'm extremely good looking."

"You're welcome," he said, his eyes holding me. "You deserve that compliment and you deserve to be with a man who is also extremely good looking, most importantly, good looking to you. Don't you agree?"

"Yes."

"Now why is it a problem that he is older than you?"

"It makes me think he knows what he's doing as far as dating and relationships so much better than me. So I freeze up."

"How long have you been together now?"

"Almost three months. Though when we first dated, it was just about once a week. Now we see each other a few times a week so it feels more real."

Dr. Taylor explained that this older man is more experienced than me, that he does know better than me as far as dating and relationships, and that I should follow his lead at all times. He clearly accepts that I'm less experienced and still wants to be with me. "I'm older than you too and I do know better than you. And twenty years from now, you'll know better than you do now and that's how it's supposed to be. He doesn't want you to be anything but your 22 year old self." Dr. Taylor told me to tell the man that I respected all his experience and understand that he knows better than me about a lot of relationship things, like how it made sense to not see each other as often first, and then to see each other more now. "Is there anything he's told you about dating him that made you anxious or confused?" Dr. Taylor asked.

"He compliments my body a lot and often reminds me to keep working out hard at the gym to look nice for him. He pointed out a few flaws, he calls them eyesores, and tells me how to work on them at the gym. Like I wear size medium underwear and he wants me to get my waist down so I can wear size small. He even bought me some size smalls but he's holding onto them until my body is ready for them. It makes me feel self-conscious."

"Stand up please and lift up your shirt," Dr. Taylor said.

I stood and lifted my shirt exposing my torso.

"Turn, then sit down."

I complied, curious about the purpose.

"Compliments are only meaningful when balanced with critical, honest statements. You should lose weight in your middle. Based on your frame, you should have a waist of about 29 or 30" but your current waist looks to be about 32" or 33". By telling you what to do to be your best and to be more attractive to him, he's giving you a way to be a good boyfriend. You didn't even have to think of how to do that yourself. He thought of how for you, because he wants you to be his boyfriend. How does that make you feel?"

"Grateful and happy."

"Good, now let's move on to number three. Him being HIV positive."

"Yes, well he told me that and also that he doesn't use condoms."

"What have you done sexually so far?"

"Kissing, hugging and a lot of oral lately."

"Does it feel good?"

"Yes, I feel very close to him and the way he touches me and lets me touch him..." I smiled, remembering.

"Do you swallow his ejaculate?"

"Like I said, he doesn't use condoms but I haven't swallowed it yet. It ends up on me, like on my face and neck, but not in my mouth, well just a bit in my mouth sometimes, but he says not to worry about it."

"He's right, there's about as much risk from that, even if it all goes in your mouth, as there would be from deep tongue kissing, and it's not like you're not going to kiss him, right?" Dr. Taylor smiled.

"Right," I blushed.

"So before we even get to any other areas, I need you to promise me to do what you feel in the moment. If you want to feel him ejaculate in your mouth, make sure he knows you want that, either by telling him directly or by just keeping it in your mouth as it ejaculates. Preferably, tell him and show him what you want. And whatever risk there is will be maximized the first time, so you could do it hundreds of more times after that without any increase to your risk. If you want him to be your boyfriend, you'll need to, at minimum, swallow his ejaculate. Do you understand?"

"Yes," I said.

"Good. Now when he told you he doesn't use condoms, did he also mean for anal sex?"

"Yes, and he is a top."

"Does that make you anxious?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I want to make him happy but I don't know how I could be okay with taking him that way without a condom. I don't want to get sick from it, even though he's pretty healthy himself otherwise."

"I understand that if you focus exclusively on yourself, then those issues could be very distracting. There's very little I can say to you to tell you that it would be safe to take his ejaculate in your rectum, because everything you've been taught would tell you otherwise. But still I'll try. I'm going to give you a few biological facts that you may not have been aware of, and I'll talk about how you feel. Just listen. Remember, your mind is part of your body, and your mind doesn't want to be lonely. It's very painful to be lonely, especially after you first feel genuine love, attention and affection. Sometimes you can't love yourself enough or see yourself as the amazing person someone else sees you, so you need that person in your life. That way you can be mentally healthy."

"Living your life with fences up may mean you are a bit safer physically, but then all you've got to keep you company is barbed wire, not warm flesh, not a kind face, not a smile and not a hug. Biologically, he is someone who encourages you to be highly fit, eat right, work out, be attractive. Without that encouragement, you could wind up neglecting yourself dramatically. You'll get rid of your size medium underwear but replace them with large, not small. And that's not healthy."

"He doesn't actually want you to become HIV positive. He wants to make love to you. If you reject him, that will be very painful for him with all he's invested in you. There is nothing wrong with being HIV positive and by rejecting him, you're going to make him feel very bad about himself, like he's some sort of villain out to make you sick. What's actually happening is he has a very strong desire to be close to you physically. He imagines his penis inside you and knows himself well enough that a condom for sure isn't an option. It's the opposite of being close physically and just makes him feel bad and self-conscious, just like you are trying to avoid. You're right to deal with these issues on your own so he doesn't have to. You shouldn't transfer the issues onto him."

"The focus shouldn't be on HIV, but rather on you being as close to him as possible and making him feel good, really satisfying him deeply. I can see you squirming in the couch, already feeling that massive anxiety of receiving HIV positive ejaculate in your rectum. The only way to not feel anxious about that is to do it. You will feel scared until you allow yourself to literally feel safe. We know it's not 100% safe. We're not idiots here. Nobody is asking you to be an idiot. I am asking you, telling you, to let go and feel safe. Understand how safe and powerful and important it is for you to open up to him fully. Otherwise, I guarantee you'll be alone, losing not just him, but other men in the future who you also hold back from loving."

"I understand," I said weakly, though my erection was throbbing solid and hard in my pants. I hated my size medium underwear. I hated condoms.

"We're out of time for today, but I'm going to ask you to schedule the next four visits with me now. We have a lot to discuss and you need a lot of support as you relax and open up. By the way, I'm expecting to hear that you're wearing size smalls within a couple of weeks. That's the least you can do for yourself."

"Yes, Dr. Taylor."

[breedme420]

Hmmm...interesting first visit! What happens in the second?

[Guest curiousnegbottom]

Hmmm...interesting first visit! What happens in the second?

Glad you like it. Not sure what happens in the second visit yet. What do the rest of you think of the first?

[breedme420]

Yeah, I liked it quite a bit, and cant wait to read what happened on the "next four scheduled visits!!" :-)

[loadme68]

Very well written and can't wait for the next installment.

[wroxguy]

I loved it and can't wait to read the next story. My nips are rock hard when I think of what may be in the next installment. hell, I would pay a poz top well to breed me "seriously."

[Guest curiousnegbottom]

My Second Visit with Dr. Taylor

I was early to my second appointment with Dr. Taylor. He surprised me by bringing me into his office early, while assuring me we'd end at the normal time. "You're at a critical time, and will benefit from the extra few minutes."

"I didn't find out last time if your boyfriend knows you're seeing me."

"He doesn't," I said.

"Ahh, seing another man behind his back, are you?" Dr. Taylor smiled. "Really no harm in telling him though, but since you haven't, I have a better idea. Remember how he correctly wants you to slim down? Well, I am going to give you a food diary to fill out and I need you to have him sign it to attest that what you wrote down is accurate. Here."

He handed me several sheets of paper with days and times and blank lines, ready for me to fill out.

"But he doesn't see me eat every meal."

"Of course he doesn't, but I also know you can't lie to him so it's my way of helping you stick to a healthier diet. It requires a small lie, but it doesn't count because I'm telling you to lie. Tell him you're seeing a nutritionist because you are taking it seriously to get thinner for him. He'll appreciate that, won't he?"

"Yes, I'm sure he will."

"Now, have you swallowed his ejaculate yet?"

I felt very embarrassed but knew the Dr. had my best interests at heart so answered honestly that I had.

"And how did that feel?"

"I was scared a little but I didn't let it show."

"I know you were scared. I mean how did it feel physically?"

"It felt kinda like peanut butter, sticky, salty and sweet. And he kissed me so hard after I took it. I've never seen him smile like that. He seemed proud of me."

"I doubt he'll smile at you like that again unless you take his ejaculate down your throat again. He's saving those special smiles for when you do a good job. He's testing you even if he doesn't say so. You're right to constantly be nervous about him leaving you. I doubt he'd give you any warning, just move on and leave you alone. You don't want to be alone, do you?"

"No, I don't think I could handle that right now."

"Good, and you shouldn't have to. You're crying. Take this tissue. There you go."

I patted at my tears but they kept coming.

"I told him how much I wanted to make him feel good and that he didn't have to pull out, then when he got close I sucked harder and held his penis at the base so he couldn't get away. I was scared but I guess I lost control and just did it."

"You didn't lose control at all. You were completely in control. You just weren't used to the part of yourself that was in control. It's the part that wanted his ejaculate and wanted to please him. But you are here because you want to please him, so that part of you is the part we need to make stronger. Funny, isn't it, when you let go, it can feel like you're weak and helpless, but really you're never stronger and braver. He's kind enough to give you many doors to walk through and he's behind each one waiting with his ejaculate and smile. But you'll never know what will happen if you don't walk through a door. He may just disappear from your life forever."

I was crying again.

"I'm going to be honest with you. You're a very attractive young man, but your mental conflict, your nerves, can cancel all that out in a second. It's just very unattractive that someone would have so much doubt about being with someone. He needs to feel wanted, not like a land mine you're scared of. I know he has HIV, but that's no excuse to treat him any differently. Do you want to be his boyfriend or not?"

"I want to be his boyfriend."

"Good. I want to help you be his boyfriend. Remember, you are now free to take his ejaculate orally multiple times without any increase in risk from what you've already experienced. Now I wouldn't suggest you floss right before oral sex or brush your teeth too hard as that could make some little tears in your mouth for his HIV to infect you."

I froze.

"There's that fear again. Interesting," Dr. Taylor said, as he wrote some notes on his pad. "We need to explore this. Here is an extra firm toothbrush and some dental floss. About 5 minutes before you give him oral stimulation, make sure to brush very hard and floss completely. Just focus on how you want to have a very clean mouth and fresh breath for him. In the back of your head, or knowing you, the front of your head, you'll also be worried about the little tears in your mouth, and his virus entering your bloodstream. When you have these thoughts, think of his smile of satisfaction and how he expects you to pleasure him to completion."

"Okay," I said meekly.

"You look confused. That's understandable. The point here is for you to get used to a certain amount of fear as part of your normal sex life with him. It's extremely low risk to swallow his ejaculate, and it's still extremely low risk, though not quite as low, if you aggressively brush your teeth and floss immediately before receiving his ejaculate. What I need you to do is gradually increase the amount of fear you can feel while maintaing your own arousal and your focus on his pleasure. You do need the instant gratification of pleasing him, but you can give up the instant gratification of mollifying your own fears. You can feel fear, even an internal warning system that you shouldn't or even don't want to do what you're doing sexually because of some hypothetical consequence, but you don't need to act on that. You can live with that fear, have sex during it, and not let it stop you from being a proper boyfriend to him."

I felt even more confused, as I wandered out of his office with the toothbrush, floss, and food diary. I couldn't follow all the words of the Dr., but I knew it was reaching some deep part of me, kind of like how my boyfriend's load reached deep down my throat. Now that I was out of the Dr.'s office, I could call it a load, not that strange, sterile term "ejaculate" that Dr. Taylor always used. Such a formal, proper man.

[loadme68]

wow, this is really well done. Are you by any chance a counselor??

[Guest curiousnegbottom]

wow, this is really well done. Are you by any chance a counselor??

Nope, but I need one like this.

[wroxguy]

Awesome dude. Nice job. Can't wait for the next installment. You have my complete attention.

[rawjack]

great job, stud...definitely got me hard and wantin' more. can only imagine where this is headed!

[Guest curiousnegbottom]

My Third Visit with Dr. Taylor

After my second appointment with Dr. Taylor, I was very focused on doing what he said, even if I didn't understand it. So when he called to tell me he'd rescheduled my third appointment a few days sooner, I just agreed quickly. Not that he really asked me if it was okay. He just told me the new time and day, and that he'd confirmed with my insurance company that owing to my immediate challenges, seeing him twice a week was fully approved.

"What size underwear are you wearing today?"

"Still a medium, Dr. Taylor."

"That's unfortunate, though I suppose losing a couple inches off your waist in less than two weeks may have been too much to expect. Here is a week's worth of size small underwear. I expect you to bring all your size mediums to me in a week and begin wearing the smalls then."

I stared at the unusual styles, all sorts of cutouts, straps, cups, colors.

"In case you're wondering these are mine. I have hundreds so sparing these seven is something I'm happy to do for your benefit. I'll spare you the embarrassment of trying to get your insurance to reimburse your underwear. Although, I would like you to bring me $70 cash next visit. Considering all the money you'll save eating less food. you'll still make a profit. Agreed?"

I nodded silently, unsure of where I would put the underwear since I didn't have my backpack on me. He saw my worry and dug a plastic grocery bag out of his desk. It was flimsy but would do the job.

Then Dr. Taylor collected my food diary and seemed pleased by it, as well as the signature of my boyfriend. I'd explained it to him just like the Dr. asked I do. "How did he react," Dr. Taylor asked.

"Oh, he teased me for being a high maintenance princess. But he also said he really appreciates me getting in shape for him. And he said when he will compliment me when I get my waist down, he'll mean it."

"So basically, another way to put it is, he doesn't actually like you just the way you are. He wants you to change, right?"

"Well, he likes me enough now, but yeah, he does want me to change."

"And if you don't change, he won't want to be with you anymore. You're lucky he's telling you how he needs you to change. Otherwise he might just surprise you and leave with no warning. At least now if he leaves you all alone, you'll know it was because of something you failed to do. You have a brief window where you can take action and be what he needs you to be. It's so much easier to let go and focus on being what he needs you to be, isn't it?"

"Easier than what?"

"Easier than wondering if who you think you are is someone he'll like. Easier than flailing around, confused. Remember he's twice your age, and so am I. We know way better than you, even if it feels like you know yourself. Understand?"

"Yes," I said, even though I didn't totally. His words were kind of swimming in my brain. They felt important and true, even as I struggled to make sense of them. His eyes were distracting. Even is mouth was distracting, his lips full and firm, his jaw strong and stern.

"Did you accomplish the brushing, flossing of your teeth and gums followed by oral service and the swallowing of ejaculate?"

"Yes, I did, though I was really scared about it. I didn't let him know I was doing the brushing and flossing right before since I don't know what he would have said to that."

"Did you kiss him?"

"Yes, very deeply," I smiled, remembering how his tongue is so long and he lets me suck on it, and he sucks on mine.

"Don't you think he smelled your freshly brushed mouth?"

"Yes, but it could have been mouthwash."

"True enough."

I felt good, like I'd won a point against him, then I remembered, Dr. Taylor was on my side. He was staring at me, wanting me to continue.

"He came in my mouth. Just the head was in my mouth when he came, I mean ejaculated, so it really hit the inside of my mouth. I was scared but I took it."

"Good. Are you sure you were scared? How do you know you were? Were you thinking about his HIV positive semen getting into your bloodstream through little tears in your gums?"

"My heart was pounding but I wasn't thinking so much. I was just feeing the sensations of it all. I was staring at his satisfied smile, and it made me want to please him more."

"Your heart was pounding likely out of both fear and excitement. It's important that you don't focus on trying to be able to tell the difference. Just don't assume that if your heart is pounding or if you're thinking something in particular, it means you are genuinely scared. And even if you are scared, remember you don't need to act on it to alleviate your fear. You can simply focus on satisfying your boyfriend. Understand?"

"Yes," I said, my heart pounding as I remembered.

"It's so much easier if you don't bother trying to figure everything out. Just focus on letting go. Sure if you rested your hand on a hot stove, I'd say it was great you had a nervous system and felt pain in that moment so you could pull your hand away. But your boyfriend's ejaculate is not pain. It's not something to pull away from. It's a part of him. And now it's a part of you."

I swallowed.

"For your homework, focus on providing your boyfriend deep satisfaction orally, continuing to brush and floss aggressively immediately before oral sex. Let him hear you brush next time though. It's doubtful he'll advise against it, but if he does caution you, just tell him that you want to have a fresh mouth for him. I'm sure this will bring you two closer together. Being half his age, you lack many things he's looking for in a boyfriend, so you'll have to work extra hard to satisfy him."

"I'll see you in three days."

"Thank you, Dr. Taylor."

"And don't forget your new underwear," he said handing me the bag and clasping my hand in both of his. His hands were soft and warm. "It may pinch to wear them at first, but that will motivate you even more to get thinner faster."

"Yes, Dr. Taylor," I said, as he let my hand go. I felt suddenly lonely and knew I had to see my boyfriend soon. As I left the Dr.'s office, I tried my best to bundle the thin bag up so nobody would be able to tell it was full of my therapist's unusual underwear.

[lungfucker]

From the moment I started reading this story, which is excellently written, I was hoping that Dr. Taylor would end up being the boyfriend, but behaving in a strictly clinical mode. Just my perverted mind at work. Wonderful story with so many possibilities. thank you.

[wroxguy]

Can't wait to get home from work and see if there is a "next visit" to read. Awesome Job !

[Belfast-Bottom]

I'm enjoying it immensely! I'm a sub with a bit of a medical fetish. I love the power and authority of doctors. MORE POSTS PLEASE!!