Thoughts and doubts about bug chasing; fiction, reality, ultimate fantasy?

[vrsbbltn]

I have thought of the possibility of a neg man willing to turn pos for love, but the first time I got to know about gay guys willing to become pos just to feel pleasure from it was when I was about 24 yo, from a well known news source I don't remember that made an article about it, which created a lot of controversy, homophobics agreeing with it, and gays attacked by such an insult.

A few more years went by and I heard nothing else about it, nor I was willing to search for such articles on the web. I kinda had the idea of such a thing was real from other sites, but again, little information, or I was just not interested in it, I used to think "this must be an extreme case or two, or three at most".

When I created my account in this site 5 months ago, I got to see more of it. Since I am very open minded, I am into bb, and so many other things deviated from what's "normal", I kinda understand to some extent some sexual fantasies even though I dislike them 100%, like scat.

Nevertheless, this "gift" seeking and giving fantasy has made me think and analyze much further than other sexual fantasies I am not into. I don't doubt such thing does exist, but I do believe it involves a lot of psychological disorders, and I want to explain why I think so.

- Considering very young guys (18-21 yo).

- Are they actually acquainted of what living with HIV is like? Are they aware of rejection, illnesses, hospitalizations, daily medicines intake and their effects? Are they willing to love and be loved by a special guy, and know that living with HIV dramatically reduces their possibilities of finding that perfect one? (and I mean, in the case he falls in love with a neg one).

- Considering guys 21-29 yo.

- Are they sure that they have lived enough, know the risks and consequences and are ready to take the next step and become pos.

- Considering guys 30 yo and over.

- Are these the ones that feel way to old "in gay terms"?, or were even married with kids?

It takes a few minutes to become pos. If the top is to pos a neg bottom, and he cums fast, it can take 1 minute. Can someone explain me what's so wonderful about getting pozzed, someone introduces his penis and cums in you in 1 minute! And all the bad things will last for a lifetime. I wish I could understand.

I am a pig and I enjoy sex, bb sex even more, it's the best thing in life, more than eating, sleeping, and even money. Getting infected with a virus that even though it's treatable, it's not curable, it's not nice.

I'd like to make some analogies involving things humans like to do. I have never heard anyone saying "I want to eat as much junk food as I can so I get diabetes, hypertension". I have never heard someone saying "I smoke 50 cigarettes a day so I get lung cancer", etc.

HIV is something I DEFINITELY don't want in my body. I love bb sex and I am pretty aware that I will get it, and will assume the risks. Even though my way of thinking might be seen as being the same as bug chasing, it is not. I am addicted to something (the act) and as an genuine addiction I can't do much to avoid the consequence, but I don't purposely seek the consequence (becoming pos), don't see it as something nice and cool.

I have gone through very serious and long depression, but I appreciate life as imperfect as it is, don't want to purposely do something that will only make it even harder. So that's why I ask to myself if this bug chasing fetish has anything to do with low self esteem, depression, way too many problems in life, the thought that life is not worth any sacrifice, or the thought of life as something miserable, or if having such a fetish has anything to do with too many fails as in achieving a career, a bankruptcy, death of a beloved one, or maybe living a str8 life because of family pressure, or if because you were raised in a very religious community where gays were always depicted as devil and not worth anything. Also, if this is done as to challenge society, to better enjoy sex without fear and regrets, or an extreme case of passive suicide.

Also, as I already said, I do think this is real, but I wonder if it's also fantasy. Sometimes I must admit I see it exciting as a fantasy. For example, a guy who has been fucked bb by 300 guys but hasn't tested, there's a 98.9% probability he is pos, but if he looks for a pos top and asks him for his load "to become pos", that way it's kinda exciting, it's like ending a cycle, then going testing. Maybe he was pos since load number 2, but thinks the lucky one was load #300.

I am very aware that all humans have problems in their lives. Problems are part of life,

human (life) = problems. Money, love, health doesn't change that equation, they just give more illusion and energy for those lucky ones who enjoy plenty of those 3 basic things. But I wonder if those who have lived a reasonably happy life, not so many problems, emotionally stable, have such fetishes as well.

As all of this was about mixed thoughts and doubts, I won't ask a definite question, I am pretty sure you guys will know what to write. Please express yourself, I notice many avoid these kind of polemic topics. I would appreciate your feedback, whether you are into bug chasing/giving or know anything about it you'd like to share.

It was in no way my intention to offend anyone, an extreme barebacker is in no position to offend absolutely anyone, just in case. I just like to talk about different things (from time to time), more in depth, other than the typical sex related topics which only take a few sentences to post and a few to answer to them.

[Guest newfoundfreedom]

I'd like to make some analogies involving things humans like to do. I have never heard anyone saying "I want to eat as much junk food as I can so I get diabetes, hypertension". I have never heard someone saying "I smoke 50 cigarettes a day so I get lung cancer", etc.

.

Do some internet searching...I've been on smoking fetish websites where people do exactly that. They are as dedicated to smoking as some of these men are to taking positive loads. There are extremes to every fetish, even on this website there are those who didn't really want to be positive, but are now. Then there are those who are turned on by the most extreme AIDS related illnesses. The smoking site I visited literally had people that were posting how happy they were that their doctor told them they had beginning stages of emphysema, COPD, etc...

I know you aren't judging...I am not either. Just keep in mind that there are spectrums to everything. :-)

Happy breeding.

[vrsbbltn]

Thanks for your reply newfoundfreedom, I'll definitely look for them soon.

I understand your point, but I think everything in life is about cause-effect, nothing comes from nowhere, due to nothing. There's still lots of things to be known about how our minds work, it's the less understood in all of our bodies. I mean by this that many times we have no idea why some people think and do uncommon things, maybe a lot of them don't even know, but there's must be an answer to everything, or a very strong hypothesis; thing is, our knowledge is limited, and we just don't know. Nevertheless, in most cases, guys could say why they think they like x conduct.

For example, I can say 10 things that made me start barebacking ignoring the risks, so there's a why, an explanation, such desire didn't come from nowhere.

[Guest ff-whole]

@vrsbbltn

Well expressed, I wholeheartedly agree. I love bb sex too but definitively don't want to be pozzed.

But I too want to become a total pig without any inhibitions but don't dare but at the same time scared I can't brake for the red light when I am confronted with a load of hot and horny tops that want to use my body for their cum dumpster...

I don't want to judge the ones that do seek the bug, but don't like it when they then want to stealth the negative guys that don't want it.

You write: But I wonder if those who have lived a reasonably happy life, not so many problems, emotionally stable, have such fetishes as well. where I understand that you are speaking of becoming pozz, but if you love bb and being a pig isn't that already a serious fetish?

Anyway I think it could be a good post. Cheers.

[DepravedIndifference]

Well, for me the desire to be a bb cock slut--the desire to have my hole, to quote another post somewhere, turned into a man cunt, the freedom to take any and all loads--trumps all. Besides, it`s fuckinng queer, it`s transgressive.

[Guest GoodExercise]

You are on your back with your legs spread open up in the air. Kneeling between your legs is a hot guy with a twitching, raw hardon bobbing up against your exposed pucker. He is breathing heavy, and he wants in. You know the top is recently poz, not on meds and very contagious. You have a condom in your hand, and you know the top will use it if you ask. But you want to feel this guy in you. You want to let him have you the way you know he likes it. You want to feel every sensation when you get him off inside you. So you submit. You accept. You are his. He takes you. It is raw, real and insanely indulgent -- and it is just what you needed.

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

Love this whole thread. Each of you wrote something that resonates with me.... Really reflects what I'm experiencing. I will only participate in bare play. I'm aware of the risks and in fact, have had a number of STDs over the years as a result (although plenty of sheathed guys still get stds). That I continue to test neg for HIV is a mystery to me. I'm not disappointed in that result, but at the same time it sort of begs the question "what is wrong with me"?

So since bare is the only way (for me); HIV remains an ever present potential result. On one hand, the longer I continue and don't convert, the more "bullet proof" it seems like I am. By the same token, none of us are "bullet proof". Simultaneously, there is this voice that just wants to rip the bandaid off (so to speak). If I do seroconvert; then it isn't anything that has to remain quietly in my background thoughts while I'm enjoying sex. There seems like a certain freedom in that. My poz brothers probably have a different twist on that I haven't thought of yet...

Understand though that at least for me, all of this seems rhetorical. I'm only going to have bare sex. I love all sorts of men and love taking their loads (and occasionally but not often, delivering my load). It might be lovely if there were no consequences; but isn't that what life is (choices and consequences)?

[btm2bbred]

You are on your back with your legs spread open up in the air. Kneeling between your legs is a hot guy with a twitching, raw hardon bobbing up against your exposed pucker. He is breathing heavy, and he wants in. You know the top is recently poz, not on meds and very contagious. You have a condom in your hand, and you know the top will use it if you ask. But you want to feel this guy in you. You want to let him have you the way you know he likes it. You want to feel every sensation when you get him off inside you. So you submit. You accept. You are his. He takes you. It is raw, real and insanely indulgent -- and it is just what you needed.

I've gone thru all the angst and drama that versbbltn has so eloquently written here........but when I'm on my back, and my legs are in the air, and a fully loaded cock is brushing my ass crack, I'm listening to that dark angel whispering in my ear what Good Exercise is describing. It truly is just what I need, so I submit willingly.

[einathens]

what about a guy going off his meds to consensually poz the man he loves? beautiful? selfish? stupid? romantic? all/none of the above?

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

all of the above.

[TustinBB]

I got pozed sometime in the mid to early 80's when was in my early 20's (I'm 53 now) and at that time my fuck buddies and I frequently talked about "should we play safe". Condom use was the exception not the rule except a few guys I ran into who liked latex, but ultimately we were of the mindset that we were young and this was a relatively new phenomenon and knew of no one who had it but if we did catch it we probably gave it one to the other without knowing about it because we fucked like rabbits every chance and if we had it we got it from someone else and passed it on as we all played bareback. I don't remember having the fuck flu but then I have asthma and severe allergies to just about everything plant or animal (but not men!) so I probably thought it was just a bad case of one or the other at the time.

[GermanFucker]

what about a guy going off his meds to consensually poz the man he loves? beautiful? selfish? stupid? romantic? all/none of the above?

To me it's romantic in the sense that romanticism is all about the gesture, whereas true love is about caring for each other. The reality is: Most poz guys who truly and deeply love their boyfriends wouldn't want to poz them. We've all seen the complaints on the forum: "My boyfriend won't infect me....".

Like parents wanting a better life for their children, love is about wanting the best for your partner. And while most poz guys live full lives without much problems, there's always a chance that your partner might be one of the few percent for whom HIV either means a neverending string of health problems or, even worse, untimely death. Even if can bare that risk for myself, I couldn't bare being the one who did it to my partner (all hypothetically speaking, of course).

So more than all of the above it's just counterintuitive and weird.

[skinster]

@ vrsbbltn - you're absolutely right. And as many threads that had been put up recently, nobody has expressed as much clarity and insight in the subject.

I can only agree, no one (at least not many) is looking in the details of what happens after. Not even hypothetically. Could be that is the ignorance of youth, could be your average infantilism or inability to process.

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

There is a whole thread here about the reality of living with HIV (that is, "what happens after").

[DepravedIndifference]

I am posting my latest reply in a new "Continued from 'Thoughts and Doubts' thread in General forum" in The Backroom's "HIV fetish" forum. NOT, I hasten to add, to appropriate the thread in any way, but because I've already received one infratctiion notice/penalty for posting on a backroom topic, i.e., chasing, outside of The Backroom, and want to respect the site's guidelines.