What to do?

[bobbyab]

Until recently a bareback virgin admittedly because of being scared of being pozzed. Met a lovely daddy through Squirt. He is a very active top but seemed so considerate to me , always used condoms except when filling me up with his piss and his profile said ‘safe sex’, so I relaxed and we regularly met up at a dogging site for diaper sex, I am a DL. Suddenly after about 8 meetups, he said I think its time daddy started fucking Bobby without condoms. I was all poppered up after he had pissed all over me and finally got his fist up me for the first time and for some reason I couldn’t resist him and assumed the position and he pushed his very large cock inside and pumped me full of his spunk. I was shocked but I had a very powerful orgasm of my own. I don’t always come, I see it as my duty to submit to daddy rather than please myself. After I drove home, I checked my black undies and there was a white deposit in the expected area. Oh my God, I thought of going to a hospital to see if I could get an emergency treatment but couldn’t find an excuse to get away from the house.

I decided not to contact him again. Then after a few days he emailed me saying he needed to use my bottom and fill it with seed. I could kick myself for being so weak willed, I went from outright resistance to falling over myself to get there and present my hole as if on a plate and was fucked silly without a condom all over again. Now I am caught up by this dangerous fantasy. Do you think I could be infected after just two fucks? What should I do? Would I be able to tell?

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[bearbandit]

I'm afraid the news is that it only need take once - I once knew a woman who lost her virginity, got HIV and got pregnant all at once. It's too late now to go for PEP - that needs to be started as soon as possible after possible exposure with a limit of 72 hours.

The big question is "is Daddy on meds?" - if he is and his viral load is undetectable then it's extremely unlikely you could have got HIV. When you're undetectable you're basically shooting blanks, which is why I think treatment as protection is very important (I know chasers might take issue with that, but I've lived with the bug long enough to know it's not necessarily pop a pill every day). Guys who are undetectable are extremely unlikely to be infectious, so much so that some UK hospitals have been known to refuse PEP to guys on the grounds that the guys who fucked them was undetectable: "it's not necessary".

Some guys get seroconversion illness, also known as fuck flu. It happens when your body starts making antibodies to the virus and can happen anywhere from a week or so to ten/twelve weeks after infection. Some guys get really sick, like the worst flu ever, and have ended up in hospital because of it, whereas others barely notice it. Me, I felt a bit under the weather and had the seroconversion rash, which is pretty distinctive.

It seems to me that the questions you need to sort out are your feelings for Daddy, and how much you're prepared to risk. If you want to continue seeing him, is he undetectable? If you want to continue seeing him and he's intransigent about it being raw, you might consider PrEP, but please be aware that PrEP needs good adherence to the drug regime and that side effects are possible. I know someone who had to stop PrEP because of the side effects and I nearly died last year because of one of the constituent drugs in Truvada (but that was a 1 in 100,000 chance).

You don't say where you are. Since the majority of guys here seem to be Americans, I'll assume you're American and say that you'll have to ask someone else about getting PrEP if that's the route you want to go because the US health system is something I just don't understand.

You've got some hard thinking to do. I hope you can come to decisions that make you happy.