Is this really what I want?

[Laukge]

I applaud you!

Big, you have raised a very interesting issue which I have spent much time considering recently. Maybe it is just the time of year, New Year, a time to reflect, new resolutions etc.

When my last relationship ended over 18 months ago I really missed the sex and intimacy. We had a very sexual relationship allbe it monogomous, which was by choice but also because there wasn't really place for anyone else - and that was fine. Looking back it was wonderful to have a friend and mate to do things with, go to exhibitions, a movie, cook a meal together, get drunk togehter go away for a weekend, visiting friends etc.

Once I accepted that the relationship was over I tried to replce the sex - up to a point. At first I really enjoyed the sexual freedom but just couldn't get used to using rubbers. So I've had some great "sexually liberating" experiences but once I had played in a club for a few hours I was leaving with what felt like a large emotional vaccuum in my mind.

I've tried doing the local "scene" again but as I am not good looking, and not a young as I used to be I need to really make the effort engage with people and get people to engage with me. The "scene" is extremely shallow and it is apparent that guys are holding out for that possible next guy who may just be better looking, richer, younger, have a bigger cock etc...

I even tried speed dating. What a bunch of losers! Most of the guys I met were just too precious about themselves and I got fed up being measured against their set "wish list".

Anyway, to get back to the thread. I've had "open relationships" and surprisingly (or not) it was the other party (who wanted the open relationship) that became too jealous and insecure and then either opted for monogamy or ended the relationship.

I also know a number of couples who have beem together for over 15 years and now have open relationships and they all agree that when a relationship becomes "open" some of the magic is lost, and I can't help but agree with them. The solution appears to be security and communication to overcome this apparent loss of "magic" so you both still feel fulfilled in the relationship.

This said it is a challenge to have a relationship with someone who is always on the hunt for someting else...

I did make the decision early on that I was not going to let singledom get me down. My pleasure does not depend on anyone elses' permission. Eg. I joined a scuba diving club and have just been on a skiing holiday on my own. None of my friends wanted to come along so I went alone. Sure, people stare at you when you are having dinner in a restaurant on your own but I'll be dammned if I lose out on my holiday because of the percieved attitudes of others. Ultimately it is their problem, not mine.

I'm not sure I have answer yet but surely you have be yourself and then just let things happen.

J