[Breeder] Forty Lies

[TheBreeder]

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Gentlemen. You know how it is. You're aroused. You're a little moist. You're rarin' to go. And those little white lies start to pop out of your mouth, so you can get down to business—or enhance the business that's already happening.

These days I try to keep the untruths to a zero-level base line. They're tough to keep track of, and I'm at a point in my life in which I no longer care to maintain the energy necessary to keep them going. In the past, though . . . I wasn't as scrupulous.

So below are forty lies I've told at some point in my thirty-four year sexual career, of none of which I am especially proud.

1. Of course I'm single.

2. I've only done this like, once or twice before, with a college buddy. You?

3. Underwear is for sissies. I usually go commando.

4. Sure, I live by myself.

5. It hurts a little the first time, but after a while you'll get into it.

6. No, I'm really good with phone numbers. I'll remember yours.

7. Yeah, I'm over eighteen! [Note: Sadly, I don't have to use this one any longer.]

8. I've never been touched down there.

9. Nobody ever comes in this restroom. Don't worry.

10. Sorry, I don't have a place we can go, so it's either here and now or nothing.

11. Gosh, I don't know, nobody's ever paid me before.

12. God, I haven't been with another guy in . . . five years? Six?

13. I've only been topped a couple of times. . . I'm pretty tight, okay? [Note: This was long, long ago.]

14. Wow, I've never seen gay porn before!

15. Just another inch and that's it, I swear.

16. I've never done it in a restroom/park/car before . . . is it safe?

17. Yeah it kinda looks big but I've never met a guy who couldn't handle it.

18. Yeah, I'm a divorced guy, too.

19. Oh yeah, I always eat my own!

20. No, you're not dirty at all.

21. Sorry, I don't do any of that fag stuff, but I guess it's okay if you keep sucking.

22. Weird, I'm just getting out of a long-term relationship myself. It's hard to find nice guys, isn't it?

23. Seriously, I can't take one that big!

24. Just the tip, honest.

25. Yeah, I'm totally hard and naked right now. Want to come over?

26. No, this is my first time here. What kind of stuff goes on?

27. No, that doesn't turn me off at all!

28. You have a great mouth.

29. I've never seen a prettier ass.

30. Sure, I've done that before. You interested?

31. Man, you must be the best fuck in town.

32. Fuck yeah, I'd love to see you again.

33. I only want to look at it. I won't do anything else, I swear.

34. God, no, I don't think anyone would ever guess you like guys!

35. Just make it fast, okay? My kid's napping upstairs.

36. It's just weird, I've never felt this way about a guy before.

37. No, you're not heavy at all.

38. Your breath is fine, honest.

39. No, I didn't come in you.

40. Damn, you're hot.

Your turn. What lies have you told either to have sex with a guy, or to keep them coming back for more? Post anonymously if you'd rather keep them confidential.

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