How’d we get here?

[Poz1956]

To the ED issues, have you looked into trimix? Have it myself, and is reasonably effective.

I'm aware of it, but I have a few concerns. For most guys it's fear about sticking a needle in their dick. I'm a grown up adult -- I can handle that.

The biggest issue for me is I'm Poz. Using Trimix requires I open a direct channel in my dick into blood vessels. Nothing I've seen says you even get a drop of blood out of it, but it's still a freaky thought. Open wound on my Pozzie dick, and stick it someone's mouth? Drill a bloody hole in my toxic cock, and stick it in someone's ass? It just screams in my head "I'm obviously trying to infect you!" You might as well tattoo Stealther, and Gift Giver across my tool. Let's pre-allert the crown prosecute so he can get a head start on the charges and court documents.

I suppose a chat with a urologist might possibly alley those fears. Of course his probably recommendation would be "Always wrap it up." What's the point of my trying to figure out BB if Trimix would require I use a condom?

Is there a risk of infection to me? Vaginally I don't think there's as much nasty stuff, but up the butt? Again seems like a recipe for disaster. I'm picturing them having to slice off a gangrenous dick. The answer again is probably "Put a condom on that cowboy." More fodder for discussion with the Pee doc.

I get how that stuff would work in the context of a relationship. Some necking & passionate foreplay. Lube and fingers and get everything ready. Then "Excuse me hun, I've got to go shoot up my dick." If people think putting on a rubber is too much of an interruption, what's the several minutes needed to get needle inspired wood going be like? But he loves me, and I love him, so we put up with it.

I'm single, with no relationship on the horizon. A one night stand isn't going to accept the wait. If I had a good fuck bud, he might, but it sure would be a buzz kill. And I don't even have any fuck buds, so that point is mute.

And finally, it lasts for 15 minutes. That's reasonable for an at home fuck. Not so much for a group thing, or trying to pick up someone at the tubs.

Take it all together and I don't think it's comparable with a single fag's lifestyle.

For the moment, I'm re-leaning how to be a bottom. That's one of the "How did I get here" things. A fairly hot Neg Bi guy who occasionally passes though want's to BB my hole, and tag me with his DNA. I've probably given it a hundred hours of thought, and changed my mind a dizzying number of times. I guess I've pretty much decided to let him do it.

I'm feeling the pull of the dark side of the force. I just hope when he cums he doesn't yell "Luke! I am your Father!!!"

I've topped most of my life, and I do love to pound a good hole. It really is killing me that it's been taken away from me.

I'm holding out hope that the testosterone levels are low, and my GP will let me supplement them. When I discussed T levels with my HIV doc, he said "What do we do with that info if we get it?" I mentioned that the US VA recommends intramuscular injection every two weeks. He mumbled something about potential negative side effects and problems with whatever way T levels were boosted.

If a needle and rubber city ends up being my only option, and I find a guy who's understanding about it, I'll review it with my doc. I think he said I'd need a referral to a urologist to get a prescription for Trimix.