Are you afraid to bareback, or are you afraid of what "might" happen?

[Rayne]

I just finished watching this Vsauce video, and I couldn't help but start thinking about the reasons why many people say, "I'm afraid to beareback because..." or "The risk of barebacking is too high, and I don't want to catch..." I couldn't help but think to myself, "Are they really afraid, or are they really acting in the same way we act to uncertainty and ambiguity? If you didn't watch the video, what I say may not make too much sense to you, so I recommend watching it before reading further.

We, as a human race, have developed a need for survival. Some of these survival instincts have stuck with us; these instincts can range from the use of tools, to getting that "creepy" feeling where your hair stands on end. As Michael stated in the video, you might get the feeling of being slowly pushed while looking down from atop a tall cliff. I've had a similar feeling when I've engaged in risky sex, where I feel like I'm being drawn into the act, even though I'm also feeling reluctant. It isn't that I don't want to act on my urges, it's that I'm unsure if I will enjoy it at all. That uncertain feeling we all have at one point, or another, seems to be the number one thing that many people experience which prevents them from engaging in risky sex. While many people are afraid of catching an STD, they don't know if they will be one of the people to catch something, or if they will be "lucky" and not catch anything... ever. While most people have the Optimism Bias, many also have what I like to call the Fear Bias.

You see, while you may think you're not going to be the person who will be in a car accident because of bad judgement, someone else might avoid driving because they have that "feeling" that something bad will happen from them driving. I'll use my favourite motorbike analogy, because I'm a biker- I feel comfortable, free, and open while riding my bike through rush hour traffic, especially while lane splitting; I have a feeling of power and freedom. Other people feel vulnerable, that anything beyond a walking pace is guaranteed death; they dread every minute on the bike, and will never straddle one again. Some people fear driving cars after being in a severe accident, while others aren't bothered by it one bit. Then we have those who only have bareback sex, and those who avoid barebacking like the plague. The real difference is not that one group thinks they are above the statistics (though some do believe that); the difference is that one group of people has accepted that risk, the ambiguity that is involved, with bareback sex, while the other group hasn't managed to deal with the sheer level of uncertainty surrounding the activity.

The more I think about it, the more I realise that education doesn't seem to change the actions of those suffering from the "Fear Bias." If anything, you could consider the reason for a lack of acceptance of the facts to be a lack of activity in the areas of the brain that respond to information we already have/know (Tali Sharot has covered something similar in The Optimism Bias, but I am using the concept in a slightly different way). If I am correct, that would mean that re-educating people would be pointless. But, education aside, we also know that the uncertainty is always going to be there, even if we have all the information in the world to make us feel better. Maybe the reason some people ignore the facts is because it just doesn't make them feel better, and even they don't know why that is? Maybe it's because it all has to do with probability, and probability isn't a "sure thing"?

If you are scared to bareback, what is it that scares you the most? Is it the fact that you really can't know, for sure, that it's "safe"? Or maybe you just feel like you know something bad will happen; like a feeling of intuition? If you're basing your decision on someone else's experiences that were good/bad/neutral, then what is it that comforts you in basing your decision on their experiences? Are you really afraid or committing to the risky aspect of it, or are you just unsure of what to do? If you are very afraid of engaging in bareback sex, what else are you afraid of in your daily life because of similar uncertainty? Do the other things you avoid all have a similar level of risk and/or ambiguity to them? If not, then why do you avoid some that may be potentially harmless?

While asking yourself these questions may seem like a lot of thinking, just remember that the human brain processes 20 million billion calculations per second (http://www.ualberta.ca/~chrisw/howfast.html); one more idea going through your head isn't going to be that much more of a task. I only bring all of this up for those who are still unsure about whether they should commit, hoping it might shed a little insight on what they're thinking. It might prevent some from bothering to start fucking raw, and it might convince others that they may be psyching themselves out of it. Whatever the case, it isn't my place to make up your mind for you.