[iBLASTinside] Fifteen Things

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I think I’m having a mid-life crisis. I guess you’re allowed at 43, although it seems to me it’s a little beyond midlife because I’m not sure I want to live until I’m 86. Late 70s seems appropriate enough for me. Nonetheless, here’s my 15 things I’ve been considering…

15. I want to begin an exercise regiment, possibly including yoga. I would prefer a personal trainer, one who is rather good looking and who might use a bit of sexual*harassment*in order to whip me into shape. In particular, I think this aspect might be required for me to maintain my interest since I don’t normally experience to ever-lovin’ “runner’s high” or any level of satisfaction from working out. At least, I don’t recall ever experiencing anything remotely pleasurable. As for yoga, the fascination seems unusual I know. A little too touchie feelie with the third eye probably somewhere looking at my crotch. But I want to try something a little lower impact to see if I can find some enjoyment in the so-called “working out” arts.

14. I want someone to ask me out on a date. It’s strange the number of people who’ve inquired about me settling down lately has been unusually high and I’ll admit a certain appeal. That said, I don’t think monogamy is necessarily on the table although I’ll discuss it. I welcome such a discussion. I was, in fact, invited on two dates this weekend but had to decline for business reasons — largely my travel. Additionally, though, the two men were bottoms and did expect me to make decisions on the date as to what we would be doing. I make decisions all week. I need my date to make decisions for me. By the way, if he decides on a movie, I will automatically decline. It says he’s not confident enough to carry a conversation through an entire evening.

13. Where’s the goddamned porn star? I keep getting closer and closer to meeting one. Now for the fucking to begin. And I’d sorry, just cause you were on film with a nine-inch dildo up your ass in the early 2000s doesn’t make you a porn star. I mean a real porn star, recognized as such today. And I still want to write and direct one. I have two or three ideas that I think will make th porn industry take notice.

12. I want someone legitimately to follow through on meeting me. I get so many people who express an interest but now that I’m willing to actually meet people, no one seems to want to follow through and meet. I*corresponded*with *a youthful Kris and he seemed quite the man worth getting to know but when I called him out on some potential bullshit, he folded and*disappeared. So many men do that. That seems to happen a lot on my travels.

11. In a related wish, I’m going to take a week off in August. I wish someone wanted to meet me then. Legitimately. I’ve been hoping for a few destinations I could plan on visiting but no one really seems to want to meet me, even at their own home. So it looks like my vacation will be a “stay-cation.”

10. A porn series I want to make: Hairy Otter and the Porn Producer’s Bone Dildo, Hairy Otter and the Chamber of Secret Torture, Hairy Otter and the Prisoner of Banned from Arizona, Hairy Otter and the Goblet of Fire Water, Hairy Otter and the City of Phoenix, Hairy Otter and the Half-Black/Half-Arab Prince, and finally, Hairy Otter and the Deaf Leif Howler.

9. Okay, so the porn series is a bit of a joke (although it’s actually got a true story line that begins in San Diego and travels through New Mexico (I mean, where would a prisoner “banned from Arizona” go?) travels through the wilds (meeting a Native American who provides “fire water”) and shows up in Phoenix. Then we take a twist back toward California and the*opulence*of Las Vegas (to meet a “Prince of Persia”) and then the road trip tragically ends with a deaf guy who’s hunting a down-and-out former teen star (but he can’t hear just how awful he really sounds). That all said, I do want to try my hand at porn. I find several gaps in the industry that still needs filling — and a fist or even two won’t cut it. There’s a reason why Xtube.com, PornTube.com, etc. is so popular. It’s not just amateur. It’s not just*regular*people. It’s a formula no one had tried to tap into. I can.

8. Speaking of porn, I want to really step into something bizarre. I was sharing with an online buddy that I think there’s potential for truly some twisted shit out there. Straight torture video. Yes. Gay for pay? You’ll do it for money, but really how far does it go? I think Bait Bus is fake but that’s part of the fun. So let’s get guys to line up and see how far they’ll take it.

7. I know I just moved this damn blog, but I am questioning whether it needs to continue. I’ve found several of my recent activities have met with disappointing results — not one t-shirt sold, GASMM isn’t garnering much attention and fuck if anyone lately wants to meet me in person. Maybe it’s time to hang it up. What do you think men? Is the magic of the blog gone?

6. Speaking of the magic being gone, while I’ve enjoyed some fun lately, the last few fucks haven’t held for me a lot of fun. In fact, they’ve been sort of boring. With exception of the DP in DC, which I have yet to write about, fucking has left me a little limp. Where’s the*excitement*men? Where are all the good fucks? I had a typo. I had typed, “Where are the god fucks?” Truth is, that’s a good typo. Where are you?

5. Where should I move? I’m looking for my next home and my next career change. I’ve only scratched the surface of what’s been happening at work but I want a new job. Anyone looking for a marketing executive, go out on a limb and drop me a note. I’m worth it.

4. Don’t take me so goddamn seriously. Some asswipe the other day got all bent out of shape when I made a joke. I will make inappropriate jokes about religions, retards, fags, abortion, patriotism and everything else holy. Expect it. But in this case, I took on love. He lost it.

3. I hate you and love you all at once.

2. I’m looking for a new love baby. A new love baby. Yea, yea, YEA! Yes, it’s a song, but it’s also a mantra for me. I’m stepping into some more experimentation well beyond just porn. Photography, art, working out, sex. It’s beyond all these. Yes, relationships too. I want to try some new things. I am looking for new things to love. Do I mean people? Yes. In fact, my heart has begun to flutter again. Fuck, it’s been a long time since I felt the damn thing beat.

1. Confirmation. I am having a midlife crisis. Welcome to it. Now where’s my sports car and 21 year old?

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