[iBLASTinside] Is It the End?

[Feeder]

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A lot of folks have asked about whether it’s the end and many have asked why.

I’m not sure but I guess I could explore that shit here too. It’s not sex. A lot of people come here for that. I just don’t feel like giving sex.

I’ve posted to Craigs List a few times, but mostly to try my hand at photography. Free photography. I just want to snap a few of the male form. No one trusts anyone these days, so I got a few of ugly ass people far, far away. Well, mostly except for this one male and female couple who sent the included. I just don’t like women enough that I thought I could stomach it. Seriously. I don’t know why he replied to me.

So my photography hobby isn’t taking off. I did sell one t-shirt. As someone pointed out, my t-shirt efforts vary from nyuk-nyuk funny to just plain offensive that no one would dare wear in public. I guess the stealth bomber and ninja geek shirts that I have planned aren’t going to work out either.

GASMM is a good idea. Even for the one who says the these social media conferences are a dime a dozen. I agree. I get them in my career all the time. But I’ve never had a conference where I could meet the men I’ve been chatting with on Twitter and Facebook. Yes, we need some porn stars. And I’ve not given up on GASMM yet. But I just wonder if GASMM will be like everything else where people are so agoraphobic that they’d never attend.

So finally what’s my dysfunction? What has me out of sorts? Fuck if I know. While I am not done grieving over the loss of my Mother, I am done sitting in a dark room crying. I am craving life outside (although the heat could go somewhere else for a while). My bullshit, homophobic boss (who I’d love to write a whole book about but he’s so not worth it) has me now focusing on getting my resume in sorts.

I’ve been asked on exactly two dates. Both required that I drive to them since they had no car to pick me up. Seemed a little weird. I ended up declining.

In the end, only one guy really seems to have my interest and it’s totally not*consummated. I wonder if it ever will be (and if he reads this, he’ll freak out that I’m writing about him in these pages since I never have and probably never will again).

He’s the one who’s left over after all the guys who said they wanted to meet me, who wanted to fuck me, who begged me for attention.

Hell, there’s this hot ass former Marine. You know, Marines are all bottoms. IN TOWN, no less. And I mean, melt-worthy. Such a sweet body and hot ass. And he doesn’t even have a butter-face. He’s fucking hot all the way around. Hits me up on Twitter, all about getting bred. I follow up, e-mails exchanged, then pics and wham, he’s gone.

Allow me to try this again, folks. I am a geek. I am not a muscle god. If you are expecting such, you have so been barking up the wrong tree.

So if I’m not writing about my sexual exploits, then what should I write about? My own pursuit of whatever it is that I’m going through? Who the fuck wants to hear about a Gay man’s mid-life crisis?

What is a Gay man’s mid-life crisis?

I don’t know. Straight men get a sports car, go on Viagra, toss footballs through tires on ropes and fuck their secretaries or get a younger woman, leaving their first wives.

I left my first partner or boyfriend YEARS ago. I’ve had my share of young ones. I can’t toss a football worth shit. I have no need for Viagra, thankyouverymuch. And when it comes to sports cars, well, I am craving a younger vehicle than my Jeep Grand Cherokee but it’s not exactly hitting the mark.

(An aside here: I’ve never had a common taste in cars. I mean, I would love a BMW but let’s get practical, I like something I can haul shit and for the longest time I had a big 95-pound Rottweiler-mix dog. I’ve only got about six more payments and the Jeep is mine so fuck it, I’m not going to go out and get into hock again.)

Anyway, my sexual appetite isn’t on overdrive.

All of this blabbering boils down to asking, you the reader, if you want me to continue the blog and write more, even if I’m not fucking hole. I mean, I’m sure I will. And I can write about previous exploits on occasion. I even jerked off the other night. So there. When I’m in that mood, I could write about a previous fuck. Should I or should we just go on pause and see where I end up?

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