My First Time And The Subsequent Ones

[QbertQtip]

I need to write this down to get it out of my chest. I guess it can serve as jack of fuel for some of you. Yes, I'm still in the closet. No, I don't plan to come out.

Let me describe myself physically. I'm fairly small, 5'4" at best, but typically closer to 5'2". My dick is proportional - I barely break 3.9 inches when erect. My hands are smaller than your average middle schooler's etc. I was lithe a few years back but I've been gaining some chub - still not completely fat though.

Despite this I'm fairly hairy. My hair is rather long and usually goes down to my neck. I've been told I have beautiful green eyes.

Onto the story.

My very first time was when I was barely 18. I had spoken to an online friend and he helped (corrupted?) me into realizing I was gay, though I had been wanking it to guys for years. I was also horny like most 18 yos are. But instead of wanting to pump and dump a girl, I wanted to feel a guy inside me. So I installed Grindr, and posted my pic. I got loads of messages within a day. One caught my eye, a sweet talking, fairly built 23 yo. We talked a bit over the course of a day. I told him I'd meet up with him, like I'd done with many before, and would bail out at the last minute. But he wouldn't have it. He told me he was driving to my small country village at 8 pm in the evening.

I freaked. I told my parents one of my friends would come pick me up because we were going to go watch Paranormal Activity. Keep in mind I was a shut in and rarely, if ever, went out, and if I did not without days of planning. I left and went to the town square. The place was empty. It was winter, so the fog coupled with the street lights made for a chilling scene. Then I saw him. A few heads taller than me. He approached me and greeted me. He noticed that I was afraid and nervous and hugged me - I instantly felt better. We went to his car, and talked for a bit. Suddenly, he grabbed my head and went in for a kiss, and so did I. We kissed for a minute or so. I suddenly saw someone approaching and hid, and he took off to bring me to his house. On the way, he complimented me on how thin and small my hands were - calling them funny. He began groping my leg. I had honestly never felt this way before. I felt like I was in heaven.

When we got to his house, he led me in while holding my hand, and began kissing me, making out with me. He went to finger my hole.

"Don't," I said. "It's dirty."

"Don't worry about it. It's only good for you", he replied.

He led me to his room and undid his pants. He asked me if I wanted to try to suck him off, to which I said, sure, what's the worst that could happen? So I began to lick his cock through his briefs. I suckled on it, replicating what I'd read in stories and seen in porn. With a bit of impatience, I removed his briefs and took in the sight. This was the first time I'd seen another man's cock on purpose, after all. I looked at it with joy and went to work, licking, sucking, etc. He ruffled my hair as I did so, if I recall. After a bit, he made me get on the bed and I made out with him, before kissing lower and lower down his torso and sucking his cock once more.

After that, he made me take off my clothes, stood up, and threw me on the bed, belly up. I was a bit scared and frankly speechless. He climbed over me, grabbed a bottle of lube, and shoved it in. I would have asked for a condom, had I been able to think clearly at the time. But I honestly couldn't focus on anything but what was happening. He kissed me as he entered me, and I wrapped my legs around him while he switched repeatedly from plowing me sensually and rhythmically to just going at it like a dog. I remember telling him I loved him, to which he replied "Already?". He told me we were going to have babies together as he came inside me. eventually, he got up, kissed me, and told me he had to go to a dinner. He drove me back to my village, and I walked my way home a bit bewildered.

The next time was with him still, some weeks later. This time I was going to stay all night. That was my first sleepover and it was a pain to set up with my parents. I had to lie after all. Though I was 18 they did not want to let me go without knowing my "friend"'s phone number in case something went wrong.

I ate there. We talked for a bit and watched TV, me snuggling against him. He ruffled my hair again while I played with his cat, telling me how much he liked guys my type.

After watching TV, he slipped my hand in his boxers. I groped his dick for a bit, then took it out, jacked him off and just started sucking him. We then stood up. He started fucking me, which I couldn't bear and had to lie down on the couch while he fucked me, handing me poppers. He came in me.

We were watching TV again when his roommate came home. I began jacking him off again under the sheet he'd placed over us, while his roommate watched TV with us. Eventually I started blowing him again. This led to me blowing his roommate (to the best of my capacity - it's hard to focus on anything while being fucked) while he fucked me. He blew his load in me and his roommate started fucking me too, cumming as well.

Eventually we went for a shower together and cleaned each other. He told me that I'd been well initiated to gay sex, which made me laugh a bit. By then my hole was gaping.

We all went to bed together, where he began to fuck me again. We eventually all fell asleep, me stroking his stubble - which annoyed him a bit - and I just rested my head against his pecs.

When we woke up in the morning, I think he fucked me again, though I don't remember. We had breakfast and he drove me back to my village, exchanging a peck before going.

My next time was with a couple, met on Grindr, very nice guys but they were effeminate. Same excuse - going to see a movie with a friend. We played a strip game and I was the only one to remain with clothes till the end. We watched porn and jacked off. I tried blowing them, and they tried blowing me but I wasn't a fan. It hurt me a bit.

Next time was in Uni, I was 19. Arabic dude on Grindr. Went to his apartment, found kids' shoes at the entrance and drawings on the wall. Dude shows up, his teeth are ruined. His breath smells of mint. Great. He tries to fuck me but decides not to because I'm not douched. So I blow him off. Keep in mind by then I'm deeply regretting going. He eventually makes me lick his balls, holding my head there while he jacks off. Eventually, he holds my head down as he shoots his load. I rush to his bathroom to spit it out. As I dress up to leave (this was between uni classes), I ask him if he's clean. "No, I've had AIDS three times. Of course I'm clean." I go back to uni and make myself puke. Multiple times. 3 months later, I'll go to the local LGBT association centre to get a HIV test. Neg. Did not even enjoy it. Not that I enjoyed the previous times all that much either.

Last and hopefully final time. I meet up with a law student. Obviously gay, soft voiced. Puts on club music while driving me to his apartment. He gropes my leg in his car. Once we're there, we make out for a bit, before I just skip to blowing him. He asks me if I want it in my mouth or on my face. I think back to last time. "On my face."

He gets jizz in my eye. I go clean my face. I look at myself in the mirror. What the fuck have I done to myself? I think about what my poor grandmother would say if she saw me like this.

He drives me back to uni. asks me if I'm over 18 - I suppose he worries about my size. I ask him if he's clean. He says sure. He mentions he has poz gay friends. Oh boy.

6 weeks later, HIV test, still neg.

Another test a few months later. Neg.

And that's it. as far as I'm concerned my sexual escapades end here. I have not ever blown my load while having sex and have only ever worried as a result. Possibly got herpes from the first dude. Now I'm done. No one services me better than my own hand. Fuck being gay. Hope you liked my tale. I know I didn't.

[QbertQtip]

Hah, I guess it wasn't that arousing after all.