[Sad Rude Future Dude] Virgin

[sadrudefuturedude]

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I'm new at this so bare with me for a while. I have never kept a diary or written a blog before and don't really know where to begin, I should start at the beginning really! But to be honest with you I do not know where the beginning of this story, my life is?

• is it the moment I was conceived by two drunken underage teenagers in the back of a car by South-end peer? (my mother has informed me my father kept his socks on!)
  
• being abandoned by my mother when she ran away and left me with the person that was my dad but not my father?
  
• when my dads new wife abused me physically and mentally?
  
• when she got bored with me and put me in to care taking me away from my dad and my little sisters?
  
• the return of her my mother?
  
• possibly being given back to her?
  
• the time i was almost killed by my stepfather?
  
• the years of living in a high rise council block?
  
• or the moment I discovered I like boys not girls?
  
• My 2nd dad?
  
• back into care again!
  
• living with Nan and Grandads my foster carers
  
• my father appears at 15!
  
• school?
  
• grandads cancer and being sent back hers
  
• a death in the family
  
• fuck me nan married grandads brother!
  
• coming out?
  
• Homelessness!
  
• Sex? Drugs and on the dole.
  
• the fist time i saw him?
  
• loosing my virginity?
  
• the moment i fell in love?
  
• the ponit in which i became complacent and aggressive and violent and lost him?
  
• the night in the cells
  
• bug-hunting and rent?
  
• meeting the other and a realisation
  
• an open relationship
  
• college
  
• oh he's back what a head fuck
  
• revenge
  
• in love with 2 men?
  
• Univercity
  
• the other one is the one I truly love
  
• failing?
  
• or could it be next Thursday?
  

Now I know that seems a lot of places that i could start, but i need to start somewhere so it will at the beginning, but i think its gonna take some time to tell, to lay my self naked upon the world and be honest to myself and relive through memories that I have struggled to suppress. I have avoided taking this journey until now, but i think its time i be honest with myself a record and relive what has made me, me and what will continue to form and shape the person that I will become.

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