[Defiant Barebacker] In a Perfect World

[Feeder]

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Of course, there are many things I remember from my past, but the events that are often most vivid are those where I did something wrong. These events stand out, for some reason, like a flashing light in a dark sky filled with steady star light.

In the Navy, as part of our routine daily and weekly activities, we would often have drills to practice certain skills. These drills were to make sure, when faced with a real problem or disaster, that we would be ready. Some of the guys were assigned to fire fighting teams, others to security stations, and so on. Since I had entered the Navy under the Nuclear Power Program, I wound up on a team meant to cleanup hazardous material spills.

One day we had one of these drills. The alarms sounded, and instructions were given. The instructions would tell you the location of the particular problem, what the nature of the problem was, and other important details. I jumped up and ran to the congregation point for my particular team, moving quickly through the ship to get on station. While I knew that a radioactive spill had been announced (making me one of the key participants in this drill) I failed to pay attention to the other warnings in the message. Within seconds of the start of the drill I ran right through the machine shop and dead into the center of the spill, making myself a contaminated individual. I could no longer get to my station because I had made myself part of the disaster. My team mates would have to pick up my part without my help. I clearly remember the Captain standing there with his arms folded and a sour look on his face. I was not the only one that had not paid attention. There were three of us, out of a team of eight.

That was many many years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday. Sometimes I recall it and get that same anxious feeling I had in my stomach that day. An anxious feeling for doing something stupid and letting down the rest of my team and ship. Of course, this is why we had the drills. After that error I never made a similar mistake again, and ALWAYS paid attention to the messages that came with the drills.

How does this relate to my blog? Well, as anyone that reads it will know, I would prefer to be a total all out slut if I can possibly pull it off. I want to ignore all the potential warning signs around me and just get fucked silly by as many guys as I possibly can. Honestly, that is what I really want to do!

Sometimes I get to a point where I actually start down that path. I have had as many as eight cocks up my ass in one night, but regrettably not more than three loads. I always enjoy it while I am doing it. I never feel guilty about having done it afterwards. But there is a sense of anxiety that sometimes creeps in.

I am indeed HIV+, undetectable on both tests used to measure such things, but otherwise quite healthy. I could probably stand to spend some time at the gym and on my bike, but I am not ill or experiencing health issues related to HIV or anything else. There are others that I know that are not so fortunate. I have to ask myself why. Some of it probably has to do with one's genetic make up and differences in how each of our bodies reacts to HIV and medications. For others though, I think it may be something else.

There are a number of things that could make my world harder. These standout like that flashing light in a starry sky. These include the risk of Hep C, a second drug resistant strain of HIV, STDs, etc. While I would love nothing more than to ignore all the flashing lights and warning signs, and just get plowed by 20 or 30 guys in one session, this is not the wisest idea around. Unfortunately I think I must pay attention to the messages being yelled out, or I may regret it. I know this might be a disappointment to some of my readers (as it is for me as well), but reality has a way of calling my name from time to time.

To be honest, though. I am not known for my huge ability to resist temptation, and it is virtually impossible to keep my pants on for very long. This post represents my thoughts and feelings right now. As January 11th and 12th approaches (I will be in San Francisco for a couple of days at that time), I may very well find myself in a different state of mind and hell bent on setting a load count record.

Record or not, you shall hear all about it.

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