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it took me ten years to get to this point. i grew up in the christian south. totally repressed faggot. when i first arrived on tge westcoast i started meeting real life gay dudes and realized that it might be ok for me to be gay too. then i started stumbling into bathhouses. I was married to a woman at the time  and I was terrified of HIV. i would only watch, and maybe jerk  off. i got my dick sucked on a few times, or i would suck a bit. then run away ashamed of what i had done. the first time i got the courage to actually have sex with a man he asked if i wanted it raw. I told him he had to wear a condom if he wanted to fuck me. consequently, the guy couldnt stay hard, I was in the leather sling, ass for the taking and he couldnt even penetrate. I left the bathhouse very disapointed, ashamed, and afraid. my next hook up wouldnt be for another year. I met a guy off scruff. a fit, older guy 55yo, beard, salt and pepper I had discovered this is my type. he started feeling me up as soon as.we got in the elevator of his building. his condo was beautiful, clean white sheets. I told him before we started to use a condom, but when he started fucking me, he was raw. it felt amazing. but i was too afraid. I begged him to put a condom on. sharp pain ensued. even with lube it hurt. I bled for a few days after. then I found out about prep. I came back to him a few weeks later, and fucked him and his hung husband. they fucked me good. spit roasting me. I swallowed one load, while the hung husband pumped one deep in my guts. after that experience. the contrast of terrible condom experiences, or absolute bliss of bareback raw, fat daddy dick. i will never have a condom inside me again. 

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