Your making the choice to be seroconverted

[Guest GermFactory]

I had a fascinating experience which precisely framed why I elect to be on a site such as this. This post is not about the experience but rather my thoughts about the conscious decisions that need to be made by a recipient of any toxic semen.  I won’t revisit all the threads which I have participated in, this post is about provoking those who seek out a seroconvertion, irrespective of with whom, to give a conscious, sober thoughtfulness to their own intent and purposes and need for being converted.

Each individual here has their own needs and desires. Everyone is different. That’s why they make vanilla, chocolate, strawberry and the other of the 31 flavours. If every guy seeking to be converted wanted it to occur the same way, there would be awfully long line in front of some ‘top’ guys home. Those who perceive themselves as “cumdumps”, “refuse no load” or wish an anonymous ‘pozzing’, great. I respect that as a choice when it’s made with a deliberate forethought and understanding of the ramifications of that. Even though its contrary to how *I* perceive this, that is nonetheless a valid path for some who choose that flavour.

While men (and women as well, for that matter) who reach out because they have an extremely low self esteem or self worth (ie I deserve this or I’m a filthy f*ag or I want to die so give me AIDS) they are making decisions that seem to be to be self-destructive and that’s something I want no part of. As I mention in another thread, for me, carrying this virus comes with an enormous power and with that power comes a responsibility. For myself, I choose to work on a very limited basis. This recent experience is particularly why. Unlike those who seek to spread their virus to willing recipients in an indiscriminate manner, I require more. I require an investment of time, of a meeting of the minds. I require a recipient to invest in a discourse, to read and understand each of my posts and my blog. I need to understand their intent, their reasons. I am passing along, through them, my progeny in a sense. I need to understand they will be a good steward of the result of my toxic insemination.

This experience epitomises what for me what it should be. It was profoundly emotional. It was transformative. While the physical interaction lasted perhaps fifteen minutes, it was arguably the most intense, emotionally charged culmination of a meeting of the minds and which led to meeting of my penis inserted into his body. It was a dichotomy because it was a clinical insemination of him but perhaps the most emotional experience he ever had. I believe he cried. He was unaware but it was extraordinarily emotional and emotionally draining for me. In a good way.

My points here is that when one gives thought to being seroconverted this is something which will alter your life. As opposed to the fetish of being ‘pozzed’, the ‘real deal’ of the reality of this requires you to carefully think about the reasons you choose this path and if you do pursue the journey remember that there are in that choice a lifetime of consequence. This gentleman and this experience is precisely why I am here and why I work in a very limited manner with a very small subset of men who share my perspective.

[Guest Omnivore]

Great post. 

[Guest PhillyBBGuy]

Thanks for sharing! Great post.

[Guest]

Thanks for sharing, shows great responsibility and conscience, this is awesome and knowing that it will happen sooner or later and probably by anon and chance, for myself, it would be awesome knowing it was done by someone that truly cared like that......

[jackdaw]

Everything that you say above speaks directly to my innermost thoughts & desires. My sero-conversion will be a brief blinding event, but your DNA would be with me for a lifetime.  After much deliberation, I have come to see that by inviting you to exercise your power to vastly influence my life, by accepting your viral offspring, I would be claiming control over my fate. I don't want you to do this TO me, but rather WITH me. It kind of difficult to express, but I would be demonstrating my control by giving it up & instead trusting your power to re-shape my existence. 

I also feel that CARING is involved here. Your act of inseminating me would show caring or even a type of love. How else could I describe it if you responded to my overwhelming need by literally putting yourself in me & upon withdrawal, leaving behind your own seed to take root & grow strong. In turn, I would lovingly care for the viral "child" that you entrusted to me.

I so look forward to continuing this discourse with you. 

[Guest FinalDL2021]

I agree, there has to be something beyond sexual thrill, or self degradation, in order to accept being willingly seroconverted. Its a one-time experience, where there is no going back. Its not like you can end it, like a bad marriage, or wait it out, during a military tour of duty. Logically, I ponder things like, where I am in life? what is going on in the world? and what, if any, will seroconversion effect my daily life; then I search for other reasons that seem more Esoteric, or spiritual.

When I first become consciously aware, and accepting that I might be gay, at the time, AIDS was in the news, daily. You where smart to self-educate yourself about it, and how it might effect you. Going forward, by the mid-90's, I was in online chat rooms, and new dating sites for gay men. I was surprised, that other than revulsion, I gained a respect, and an admiration for POZ men; perhaps it even crossed over to an attraction. There might have also been a kinship, with these men, where I wanted to belong with them. This is the conclusion I keep arriving at, while trying to understand this feeling. these thoughts took place long before HIV was erotized by the whole  gifter/Chaser phenomenon, so I know that is not how it began for me.