Journey becoming cumdump for mans pleasure part one

[Cj6869]

Part 1

I was raised In a very abusive and religious home where I was starved for love and affection.  I was quiet, insecure, abused into continuous submission and terrified of sex.  When I was 18 years old I found the courage to walk into adult book store.  I had no idea what to expect or how to cruise other men.  Unbeknownst to me, what I did have was a body that men ( and women) strongly crave.  I was lean, athletic build with muscle bubble butt! And overall just hot! I do not say pridefully but a fact that would serve me as I learned my purpose was to service and pleasure men. Especially unattractive, repugnant and undesirable men.  

Inside the bookstore I was terrified at the men looking at me and some touched me. After 10 miniatures I had to leave. A hot, sexy man followed me to my car and he got in the passenger side. I was terrified and shaking.  He was a sophomore in collage and suggested we go for a drive. We drove to a country road and pulled over, fooling around. He was just as inexperienced as I was. A car load of country boys drove by whooping and hollering so we took off driving. He sucked my cock while I drove. He gave me head 20 - 30 minutes.  I could not believe how good it felt to have a man loving on me!! Suddenly I warned him, once , twice , three times and he would not stop. I was trying  to drive and shaking trying not to blow in his mouth. My 8 “ cock throbbed one last time and at the first drop of cum he deepthroated me and milked my cock for another ten minute. I was overwhelmed with good feelings of euphoria, guilt and discussed. I apologized  repeatedly for cumming in his mouth.   He wanted me to suck him off but I was too overwhelmed with guilt. So he jacked himself off as I drove him to his car.  He wanted to meet up again but I said no, I was overwhelmed with guilt.  

In the days to come I repeatedly jacked off to the thoughts of him swallowing my cum!!!  I went back to the adult bookstore everyday for weeks in hopes of finding him.  But all I found we aggressive and pushy men wanting to have their way with me. Some men were good looking and many were not. There aggressive, forcefulness made me more afraid and insecure.  Beneath the fear were feelings of letting every man that approached me have their way with me. Young, old, attractive, unattractive.  Inside I just wanted men to love on me. All this new found attention, though scary, somehow felt good.  But I was just frozen and could not act.  

One night after dark I went to the bookstore again searching for the man that sucked me off weeks earlier.  I found the usual aggressive, forceful men trying to have their way with me.  So I left the store went to my car.  A man in his 40s was flowing me (remember I was 18) so I hurried to my car and locked the doors .  He stood outside my car telling me to unlock the door.  I was raised in a home where I was beaten and abused into submission daily.  Out of fear I could not ignore such an authoritative command, so I opened the door.  He told me to drive behind some closed businesses that we a few minutes away.  I did an parked as commanded .  This man was in his 40s and grossly unattractive.  He had a fill beard, partly bald muscular/ husky (not  fat).  He unzipped an pulled his cock and balls out and told me to suck him.  First discussed then guilt and shame, so he forced my head down on his cock an balls.   His cock was enormously fat.  I lick it but did not know what I was doing.  Frustrated he forcefully unzipped my pants and harshly pulled my cock and balls out.  As he sucked my cock I fought the urge to through up,  his looks and aggressiveness repulsed me.  My dick was rock hard(so much that it hurt) and my dick felt good but he repulsed me.   I could feel his saliva running down my balls, and eventually wetting my asshole.  He kept fingering my asshole.  This man also kept trying to get me to go to his house that was near.  I declined the invite. I was afraid to be alone with him, he was very demanding and forceful.  Despite my disgust for him,  my cock was feeling good and my need for a man to love on me( his authoritative forcefulness was all too familiar) I was tempted to go home with him.  It was him telling me his boyfriend had his own bedroom and we could be alone helped me make my decision.  I was already afraid of him already.  

This man was a top man.   He kept sticking his fingers around my hole.  He could not get me off.  Partly because he was a top and not so good at sucking cock.  But partly because he seemed so disgusting and repugnant I just could not blow.   I was close for at least 30 min but I could not blow. I finally grabbed my cock and a few strokes I blew a huge huge load.  He tried to force me to suck him again. He angrily jerked his cock and blew.  I was sooo relieved.  Though he was repulsive to me for 30 years I have jerked off to this.  Looking back I know if I would have went home with him he would have forcefully taken my cherry!!!!  At times I regret not going home with him.  I knew inside myself at a young age my purpose was to bring pleasure to men.  I just could not bring myself past my feelings and serve him.  This man worked hard that night and he deserved the prize no matter the cost to me.  

 

[bbpigbtm]

I love ugly gross men !