[Defiant Barebacker] What is a Bottom?

[Feeder]

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I have had numerous guys that I have fucked over time lament the fact that I appear to be on a slide to the bottom. Even some guys that I have not yet fucked who like my dick and wanna try it out have objected. Since letting go and trying out my bottom side like never before I have certainly discovered that tops (especially good ones) are in rare supply. But what exactly is a bottom?

It is pretty easy for me to define what a top is, or what drove me to be a top for years, even decades. As a top I was super focused on my cock and making it feel good. I also had a thing for dominating some guys, but first and foremost it was a selfish thing about making my cock feel awesome.

It started as an insatiable need for good head. Head through glory holes, under stall walls in public restrooms, sitting back in some guy's bed or chair letting him have at it. During one such session at a young Spanish guy's house we were in his bedroom and he was sucking away when he all of a sudden changed the subject on me. He wanted my raw cock in his hole. I resisted for a good 30-45 minutes, but he won. With that he ignited something in me that to this day drives me to want to fuck ass.

What is a top? A guy focused on his cock and whatever it takes to make it feel good. A guy that needs to deposit seed wherever and whenever he can. Basically a self centered bastard (trust me, that is not meant as a complaint).

And a bottom? What is a bottom? I have to ask myself why I so need to get fucked in recent times. What changed?

I think there is a range to what a bottom is. On the most intimate end a bottom is a guy that is focused on making his partner's cock feel good. If you look at some porn pictures you can see some bottoms are watching the face of the top closely and intently, looking for signs that he is making the top guy have the best time possible. The more the top moans in pleasure the more pleasure the bottom guy has. In this case a bottom is the direct opposite of a top, focused on the other guy and not at all on himself. This has obvious synergies.

There is another type of bottom though that is completely different. There are some guys that seek loads. They are not at all concerned about how the other guys cock feels, they just want loads. This one is hard to unravel. What is this idea and why does it happen? I am not sure I have all the answers to this one right now.

Me? I can be both. When I took my first cock after seroconversion I was all about making the top dude I hooked up with feel good. My focus, and his, was on his cock. It was not about loads, although I wanted his. I did have an element of wanting to break through my long lasting resistance to getting fucked, but it was still all about making that guy feel hot.

Loads? While I have never taken more than three loads in one session, there are times when I want to take as many as I can find. When I am in this state of mind I do not care if the other guy's cock is in a state of ecstasy or not. I just want loads. It is something that completely takes me over. I need cum! I also usually find that I am not logistically able to pull off massive load taking and/or I chicken out.

March 12th? If the mood is right and the fear is low, I will finally find out if I can take a ton of loads. The idea of 12 or more loads overflowing makes me hornier than just about anything else. In that sense, wanting to take loads in mass is more like being a top. Self centered, but in a very different way.

Right now, tonight? I am more in top mode than anything else, but if the right guy presented a nice challenge I'd slip right down on his dick without hesitation to try and make him feel the best he can feel. Not really in a "loads mood".

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