[Closet Bi] Am I insane?

[Guest wl101]

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Based on my last blog post some/most of you may now be questioning my mental capacity at this time. Indeed, may be wondering if I'm either taking the piss or indeed insane.

The following might help.

I've been aroused by gay sex for as long as I've been watching it on TV (from the mid 90s) and on the net (for the last 7 years or so). Looking back at my schooling days (both primary and secondary) I now realise there were obvious signs I was attracted to men. With the advent of twink porn films, especially bareback offerings, it is these I have become not far from addicted too. I am majorly turned on by raw sex between men. Other than a handful of particular scenes, I have zero interest in gay sex where protection has been used. It just does nothing for me at all. To me, sex was intended to be done naturally, a spontaneous event between two people, not highly planned in advance. Procreation did not involve Durex as part of the process.

I also have a weakness for younger looking fit lads, sometimes scally or chav lads sometimes not, but a smooth or lightly haired torso, ripped abs, muscular arms, firm ass, all do it for me. But i am also not so vain to ignore other sorts of guys. Indeed, I have hooked up with around a dozen guys now since I embarked on this journey in Summer 2010 and with the exception of perhaps 1 or 2 very early encounters, I've enjoyed them all very much. However, I'm not looking for a boyfriend or even a mate out of this so I have to be careful I don't get emotionally "in" to anyone I fuck or else that could cause unwanted complications. Unwanted in perhaps I don't want to find myself in the position of contemplating leaving my missus for a bloke? I dunno. Unwanted in the sense i don't want to feel exclusive to a guy? Maybe.

This Saturday, all being well, I will be balls deep up the well used cunt hole of a guy 5 years my junior in age but several years my senior in sexual experience. Not only that, but he freely admits to taking upto a dozen raw spunk loads a week and has been a habitual barebacker for the last 15 years. Alarm bells ringing.

For the last few years whilst watching guys have bareback sex I have formed an immense fascination around the prospect of one day undertaking bareback sex myself. I did "dip" into a guy a few months back and engage in about 10 seconds of raw sex and that was enough to tell me how fucking hot it was. But 10 seconds ain't enough. And since then the pressure has been building to have all out raw sex. This hasn't been helped by my association with various cruising apps/sites as a minority percentage of guys hitting me up have enquirer whether I'd fuck them raw. Previously, I've always taken the view anyone asking that question was either already poz or didn't give a fuck about getting poz.

D, the guy I'm seeing on Saturday hopefully, hit me up purely on the basis of me being stocky, older and bi, three traits which apparently really do it for him. His profile pic has him fully clothed at work and the first time I saw his pic I remember my cock twitching. Buy I've been hit up before by hot younger guys and nothing ever comes of them. Reckon they get a kick out of leading us older guys on. I responded to D sending 3 pics of my own, the obligatory cock shot, a face pic and a pic of me posing at work lying on the floor, wearing only my White briefs. This shot amply demonstrates my stocky/chubby bod and whilst I'm anything but happy with my figure I do believe in being honest. No point pretending to be a muscular gym toned guy.

D was quick to respond saying I was defo his type and I asked for more pics of him. He sent a full frontal nude shot, with his not unsubstantial soft dick hanging freely. He also sent a pic of him from the rear wearing a jock. Nice firm buns and a great tat he has.

What followed has been a lengthy dialogue about my inner struggle with raw sex and how I desperately want to fuck a guy raw but am all too aware of the consequences in a worst case scenario.

To his great credit, D was happy for us to have safe sex so long as I blew my spunk on his ass, rubbered up again and then safely fucked my spunk inside him. He really is a cum whore!

It was then my own mind began opening up to the idea of fucking him raw but only for a short while. Maybe just prior to spunking, I'd pull out, rip the rubber off and then slide back in him to spunk deep in his ass.

D reminded me of the risks and his own lengthy bareback pursuits. He also revealed he was last tested 2 years ago and was surprised he was neg. Having begun raw fucking from the word go at age 15 D believes it's way too addictive to give up and as both he and his partner fuck other guys raw as well as each other they have a very relaxed attitude to becoming poz.

Slowly I began to form a view.

I've always rebelled in going against instruction and suggestions. I've gone against common sense several times too. Here was an opportunity to fuck a guy I found very hot, raw, and blow my spunk and shoot my piss up his ass. Maybe now is the time to fuck the scientists and medics who cry out against barebacking. Mother nature made it that way for a reason. Maybe now it's time to feel what a moist warm ass feels like on my hard throbbing cock.

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